Dinner was delicious and afterwards Sam took her to a spot where they could walk around for a bit. String lights were hung up along the trees on a path around a lake. She had asked him all about himself and the police academy. He had some great stories.
They spoke a little about his family, typical country boy upbringing. His dad was a lawyer and his mom a housewife. Rebecca, his younger sister, had recently gotten married. It didn't sound like he was super close with them, but he didn't really go that deep into it. Sam wanted to get to know more about her.
Mara looked beautiful wearing a dark navy skirt that fluttered out at the bottom with a white top on. She had been wearing flannels and jeans all week and was looking forward to dressing up. Her hair was tousled in waves to her chin, a little different from the straight bob she usually wore.
Normally Mara would be a little nervous on a first date and in a new place, but being with Sam she felt totally at ease. She laughed to herself. 'What's so funny?' he asked." "I was just thinking about how we met." I never go to bars," she chuckled. "I was lost and I figured when I went in there I better have a drink before I call an Uber so I don't look totally stupid." Sam started laughing. "Yeah you don't seem like the bar type now that you mention it." They were both giggling.
"So you told me a little bit about Jillian and her school. But you must have been pretty young when you had her?" They were walking and found a bench to sit on. Mara had steered most of the conversation on Sam the whole night. But she knew the time would come where he would ask her about her past and her husband.
She didn't really want to bring the mood down. "Yeah, I mean I had basically just graduated college. My baby brother was adopted and I was sort of always interested in that process. So I went to school for social work and that's what I did while Keith started working in the hospital.
"We were pretty broke," she laughed. I think I was 22 when I got pregnant. Our parents weren't thrilled, but I mean it wasn't exactly planned. My mom is very prim and proper. She had this whole dream of me being eventually being a spoiled doctor's wife. Living in a grand mansion in Connecticut, finding a nice nanny to raise my kids." she chuckled.
"But I never saw that for myself. I was just happy to be with Keith. I mean it was lonely for sure in the beginning. You know Keith was working a lot, sometimes he had to sleep at the hospital. Jillian drove me crazy as a toddler, but then she saved me too. It was just me and her a lot. But when it was the three of us, everything always felt right" She smiled and looked out across the lake in front of them.
"It's funny I thought those were some of the hardest times of my life. Now I wish I could get them back," she said softly. Sam squeezed her hand, "You really loved him huh?" Mara looked at him with a sad smile. She swallowed the tears back. "Yes.. I did." Mara lifted her head up and looked down and was quiet for a bit.
"Sorry I, I sometimes get this feeling when I talk about him, like I can't believe I'm talking past tense." They just sat silent for a minute. Sam interjected. "No, it's ok, I'm sorry maybe I shouldn't have said anything."
"No it's ok. It's good for me to talk about him…I ..I have to deal with it you know." She breathed in, "He was a cardiologist. He was great at his job. It was really long hours, but he loved it. And he had a great bedside manner, his patients loved him. We eventually moved to Pittsburgh for his work and raised Jillian there."
Sam looked down and then asked her, "Do you mind, I mean. how did he…. pass?" Mara swallowed like there was a hard lump in her throat.. "Drunk driver." "Oh god Mara," Sam said and he inched closer to her with his head down. Their shoulders were touching. "Yeah, it's unreal. One day you're living life...doing your errands, running to the store for who knows what, picking up dry cleaning, and the next your whole fucking life gets turned upside down."
"Did they catch the guy?" The cop in Sam wanted to know. She breathed out, "They did yeah, it was actually a drunk girl believe it or not. She was probably barely 21. Had too much to drink at a club, texting and just wasn't paying attention. I think it scared Gillian straight to never drink and drive. One positive if you want to call it that."
Sam was rubbing her arm and she just relaxed back into him. She normally tensed up whenever she spoke about it, but at that moment she felt like she could melt in his arms. "The first year was horrible. I just kept waiting for him to walk through the door. I was a wreck. I felt so bad for Jillian. Eventually I saw a therapist and we were distracted with getting Gillian into school. Somehow I managed to get past it, but I don't know that I'll ever be over it."
Sam grabbed her hand, "That's terrible what happened, he sounded like a good man. I'm glad that you at least have Gillian." She smiled at him and pulled her hand up to his face. She rubbed his cheek..."Yeah, I'm sorry, I don't think any of this makes great first date material." She let out a small laugh. Sam laughed too. He couldn't remember any date he had that was quite like this. At least no one that felt so real and deep.
He couldn't believe how strong Mara was. She was able to raise Jillian without her husband around in the beginning much. Even now, after he passed on, she still found a way to be strong. The total opposite of what he saw when he grew up.
"You remind me of him a bit." she said. "Really?" Sam wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing right now. "You have kind eyes, like he did." She ran her hand over his forehead. "You both work hard to protect people." "Yeah, I can't fix hearts though," he laughed. She looked right at him, "Oh you would be surprised..." They both sat staring in each other's eyes. Sam wanted to kiss her so badly, but he thought maybe he should wait.
"You're incredible you know," he said. " You have this amazing way of making me laugh, even about tough stuff. You're just such a warm person. I knew that night in the bar, I knew there was something special about you. You're so strong" She smiled at him and then he couldn't help it. He leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips. It was a soft kiss, but it ran deep. Mara smiled and traced her fingers over her lips. She felt elated, like she could feel her heart opening up to him. And then in the same moment, a shot of fear surged through her. And guilt.
She wanted to break up the moment. "So officer what about you, any creepy ex-girlfriends I have to look out for?" Sam tensed up a little. It was kind of an odd question after from the moment they just had. He didn't really want to divulge much about his dating past. There weren't any major relationships, but he had his fair share of flings. Not exactly what you want to bring up on any date.
"Honestly, not really," he sighed. "You know I dated when I had the time. There was my high school sweetheart, we were off again, on again throughout college. But once I went to the academy, we kind of lost touch." The truth was he never really sought out anything major. Sam was a simple guy. He loved his job and hanging out with his friends. But in the last few years, after he hit 30 he was tired of dating the same girls. They were cute for sure, but their idea of a good time was scrolling their social media feed for hours and gossiping with their girlfriends.
But anytime it did feel like something could be serious for him, he ended it. He didn't want to lose control of his life. Except now he found himself feeling different. He didn't want to screw this up with Mara and talk too much about his dating history. So he thought it best to end the conversation. "Listen it's getting late, I have an early shift tomorrow, let's get you home. I promise to be on my best behavior," he grinned.