(Note- the heretic from now on will be addressed as either 'Ambrose' or 'heretic')
Lucan's POV
I staggered back from the decapitated body, I started hyperventilating and I could feel a numbness taking over. As I was moving backward, I didn't notice the pool of blood under my feet and slipped and fell right on my face. My face and mouth were now covered in blood and I could feel the metallic taste of those fluids cover my mouth. I started gagging and vomiting on the floor as I could see the rest of the corpses strewn all over the shed in my peripheral vision. Some had holes in their bodies while others were missing limbs and organs. I instinctively knew that I had to get as far away from here as possible. The longer I was here the more detrimental it would be to my mental and social wellbeing.
I made my way out of the shed covered in the blood of the people I had slaughtered. My vision was blurry the whole time and I don't know how I was able to even make it out of there without breaking down. I needed to clean myself up and get rid of any evidence, the slums might be a lawless place but a crime of this caliber won't go under the radar even here. I made my way to the outskirts of the slum and went to the stream I had seen in one of Lucan's memories. I dived into the water and frantically started to wash away the blood. I tore my clothes from my body and started scrubbing it down and it was only when I thoroughly washed my face that finally came back to my senses and understood what had just happened. I placed my clothes on the branches of a nearby tree and sat down in its shade with my head on my knees. I closed my eyes and surrounded myself in my thoughts, contemplating my actions.
I knew that what happened in the shed was my doing, no person would have been able to do what was done with his bare hands or even with a weapon. It had to be done by the miracle known as magic. Ambrose had told me that my body started absorbing the mana in the surroundings as a protection mechanism and thus my wounds started healing. He said that I fell unconscious when my body was unable to handle the mana flowing in me and was taken to that dreamscape. This means that while I was unconscious, my body was still moving all on its own on pure instinct. I felt a little relieved that it was not by my own will that I had massacred those people but even then, it didn't absolve me of my responsibility.
No matter how out of control my instincts were and no matter the circumstances of what happened, the fact of the matter is that I killed them. I am a cold-blooded murderer. Those people deserved to be punished, no doubt about it, but what they were given was not a punishment, it was pure hell and I was the devil that delivered it to them. I wonder if I had the same rage my father had when he killed me in my previous life, or maybe even he was not in control of his body at that time. My train of thought was moving in a dangerous direction.
I slapped myself in the face very hard.
"No, this is not the time to be cynical, my father deserved what happened to him. I am not a monster, even with this power, even with what happened in that shed. I am responsible for their deaths, not guilty of it. I am not like my father, I am not like those bullies who killed Lucan, I am not like the gang leader. I don't seek pleasure in hurting others. I am not a monster!!" I shouted to myself.
My mind and heart had finally calmed down, I could think clearly and logically. It was only now that I understood what Ambrose meant by hurdles. The consequences of my power were too grave and would only get worse if not controlled. When he said that I had to train my body and mind, he meant both literally and figuratively. I stared at my hand....my mind flashing back to the shed. I knew for sure that if I was unable to control this power then only destruction awaited me in the future.
"I can't let that happen, I have promises to keep.....to Lucan…to Ambrose…to myself. I can't throw this second chance" I said under my breath.
I got up and straightened myself, a new and almost foreign feeling welled up inside me. I had tried giving hope a chance in my old world but I knew that it was half-hearted, but today that was not the case. Here the ending was unpredictable.....I had the freedom to choose for myself, I even had the power to change my fate.....as I walked home, I had a rare albeit small sense of happiness in myself.
That Happiness was only amplified when I got home.
"Welcome back Lucan...you look unusually happy" Mariam said with a smile as she hugged me tightly in her arms.
I didn't reply and just smiled back at her.... a genuine smile, one that I had never shown anyone before.
"Well...something good must have happened. Anyway, I was done with my morning preparation and will have to leave soon again. I just came back home to cook you some lunch and dinner... I won't be home tonight" She said.
I nodded in acknowledgment as I saw her off.
"Bye, mom! See you tomorrow" I waved as she left.
"Bye Baby..." she waved back.
As I went back into my house, I went into our shared room and sat on my bed, closing my eyes. I was attempting to enter the dreamscape once again. I knew what I had to do now...Ambrose had repeated it multiple times that both my body and mind were too weak and that I had to strengthen them. If that was the case then that was exactly what I would...I would train till I exhausted myself and then keep training until I couldn't anymore. If that was the only way to achieve my destiny then this was the price I was willing to pay...I kept thinking as I could feel my consciousness fade away once again.