Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the north
One thousand Yetis were howling
With terrifying force.
Only one man knew how
To slay these foul beasts,
And make it home in time
For his wife's Christmas feast.
Known by many names,
Most often one single,
But he preferred to be called,
Jolly old Kris Kringle.
He stared into the snow
Hefting his great axe,
An ancient family gift
Adorned with Holly and mistletoe branch.
"On Donner!" He bellowed
Mounting his great reindeer
Headed for the caves
To spread "Christmas cheer"
He flew like the wind,
A blur through the night
Yelling streams of war cries
Preparing to fight.
At last he arrived
At the home of his foes,
He announced his presence
With a mighty "Ho Ho!'
Awaiting at the door
He was approached by a beast
Whom he faced with his axe
Ready to make it deceased.
The beast met him with a howl
And Santa charged in turn
Severing the beast's head,
And getting blood on the ferns.
Upon the beast's death
He was replaced by a friend
A friend of the yeti
Who wanted revenge.
Santa gave a hearty chuckle
And as you might suppose,
He swung his great axe,
And up the chimney it rose.
As the beast toppled over
Santa roared with all his might,
"Merry Christmas motherfuckers,
I own this night!"