Twas the night before Christmas

And all through the north

One thousand Yetis were howling

With terrifying force.

Only one man knew how

To slay these foul beasts,

And make it home in time

For his wife's Christmas feast.

Known by many names,

Most often one single,

But he preferred to be called,

Jolly old Kris Kringle.

He stared into the snow

Hefting his great axe,

An ancient family gift

Adorned with Holly and mistletoe branch.

"On Donner!" He bellowed

Mounting his great reindeer

Headed for the caves

To spread "Christmas cheer"

He flew like the wind,

A blur through the night

Yelling streams of war cries

Preparing to fight.

At last he arrived

At the home of his foes,

He announced his presence

With a mighty "Ho Ho!'

Awaiting at the door

He was approached by a beast

Whom he faced with his axe

Ready to make it deceased.

The beast met him with a howl

And Santa charged in turn

Severing the beast's head,

And getting blood on the ferns.

Upon the beast's death

He was replaced by a friend

A friend of the yeti

Who wanted revenge.

Santa gave a hearty chuckle

And as you might suppose,

He swung his great axe,

And up the chimney it rose.

As the beast toppled over

Santa roared with all his might,

"Merry Christmas motherfuckers,

I own this night!"