I find myself in a joyous mood as of last week. The performers have trained enough and practised hard enough for TomCat to finally plan a routine for the show. When I heard this news, it immediately made me realise that Tom was finally opening the circus to the public.
Albeit, he knows very well he doesn't have enough crew to legitimately open a full-blown circus, so he's only opening the rides and the small zoo we've managed to gather. AdventureCat offered to allow the children to ride her horses and TomCat accepted, glad to take in any ideas on how to make the circus as interesting as possible without having to do something we can't do yet.
Our original sanitation crew asked for a raise of fifty cents once the carnival opened. TomCat, of course, said he would; anything to keep them here. The entire rest of the crew was busy, once they heard Tom's proposal that he had planned to open the carnival and wanted to perform a show, the performers and tamers started to practice their act more vigorously than before. All the hustle and bustle made it seem as if the circus already opened and everything was helter-skelter as plans were suddenly being changed or props being moved and occasionally, whole tents along with them.
When I saw the crew so focused on performing and happily talking with each other about the time the show arrives, I found myself feeling fairly empty inside. I had the never-ending urge to join them in their acrobatics and death-defying acts. I wanted to so badly, but I had no act... the late MacSeren said he would never make me do dangerous things.
That was Brian MacSeren... this is Reginald MacSeren now... he wants money to make his circus popular... I should ask him if I can have an act. I thought to myself.
After watching a rehearsal with all the performers and a few clowns, I've had enough of just standing on the guidelines and doing nothing; being a part of the circus but not having a part. I strode straight up to TomCat's office door and knocked boldly, determined to make myself heard.
"Come in." Tom's voice was cheery and energetic, and it gave me more confidence about confronting him, so I burst through the door with my chest high and my chin raised to be as mature and adult as possible.
Tom turned to me with round eyes and a slight grin threatening to escape his lips. He looked genuinely happy and it made me slightly happier to see him in such a state.
"Oh, hey! What do ye need on this fine day?" TomCat greeted.
"Tom... I was wondering if I could have an act to help you with the show?" I inquired, almost without thinking, and surprised myself by how the words flowed from my mouth so smoothly and professionally.
Tom's hidden smile burst through and his entire face lit up with the jolly glow of his face. "Oh, jeez," he muttered with a chuckle, kneeling down in front of me so we were eye level. I looked at him hopefully.
"You surprise me sometimes, do you know that?" he wondered. I cocked my slightly to the side, silently telling him to say more.
"These acts are dangerous, Tae. And, quite frankly, I've never really seen you do anything outside of ride a uni!" Tom explained softly as if he were explaining to a young child why he had to refuse their request... which dimmed my spirits.
I frowned, "So does this mean I can't have an act?"
TomCat sighed and stood up to his full height, making me feel intimidated and tiny compared to him.
"Well Tae, if you're really determined to get an act, I'll see what I can do. But I need to see what you can do first," he explained matter-of-factly. A huge grin crossed my face and I hugged the teen around his waist. He rested a hand on my head, before pulling me away and taking my hand in his.
We walked to the brand new circus Big Top, where the performers were rehearsing and the ring was being set up. I actually like this tent; instead of being red and white like the old tent, or any other tent for that matter, this one is blue and gold, to match the colour scheme of the rest of the circus. I like this tent because it's unique and really pretty.
TomCat and I walked through the heavy cloth opening and walked through the stands. I had never been in this new tent before, so seeing the grand tent from the inside, despite the set only beginning to be set up, I was blown away in awe.
The tent seemed to never end, and the blue and gold stripes that decorated the interior, as well as the exterior, seemed to make the tent a thousand times bigger. It smelled like a farm despite the lack of animals from what I could see and every sound Tom or I made seemed to echo much louder than outside. In the centre of the tent was a large dirt pit surrounded by an elegant, baroque-style barrier.
The barriers themselves, were a dark, cobalt blue colour, and expertly sculpted onto them were golden cat heads; in between those were painted pictures of each of the moon phases. The entirety of the perimeter was delicately etched with golden filigree that shimmered in the light of the spotlights that hung from a rafter that supported the tent.
How clever. I thought to myself as TomCat hopped over the barrier and into the deep pit. As he turned around to help me, I looked up at the ceiling once more and saw a few of the performers on the trapeze; however, mysteriously, the high wire was empty. I want to try that. I thought to myself, my adrenaline beginning to make me feel jumpy and fidgety.
Tom grabbed me around the waist and lifted me over the barrier, he set me on the floor and told me to wait here for a few moments while he called the performers off the equipment. I stood in the centre of the ring, admiring how large the tent appeared while it was empty and imagining what it looked like while it was full.
He clapped his hands loudly and whistled to the performers; they, in response, stopped what they were doing and looked at the ringmaster intently.
"Little Tae would like to audition; so, if you don't mind, I would like to borrow the equipment from you," the ringmaster stated. The artists obeyed and immediately made their way down to the floor and towards the centre of the ring.
Mitten approached Tom once he got down, "Oi, Tom... do ya think I should go get the others?" he wondered. Tom shrugged and looked at me.
"Tae, you want an audience?"
"I don't mind." I answered and Tom turned back to address Mitten, "Go ahead,"- and Mitten ran off to get the others.
Both Kitten and Mitten, along with FatCat know how long I've been at this circus as just a resident, so it wasn't much of a surprise to see them re-enter the tent excited as if they were about to see our show as a guest. I actually felt honoured that they supported me in such a way.
The others showed up and placed themselves in the stands to watch the show from a good distance away. They all appeared to be interested enough to continue watching me but not quite enough to be as excited as the aforementioned three were. However, I did notice the sanitation crew among the new faces and that made me feel proud (they definitely know how long I've been here).
"Tae? Which would you like to try?" Tom asked me, his hand comfortingly on my back. My voice automatically said "tightrope," as I had my eyes on it since I had entered the tent. I've always wanted to be on the high wire; gloriously balancing in a costume that kept everyone's eyes on me. I never got that chance before in the Haven, so now I thought it would be the perfect time to try it.
"Are you sure? I mean... you have no experience with things like that," Tom told me, a look of concern bleeding into his features. I looked at him and gave him a smug smirk, which shut him up immediately. I began to take off my shoes, as I found that if my feet are barefooted, I can climb better.
"Now, remember, if you're about to fall just call out my name and try to back up to the platform or lower yourself to hug the rope... I'll come get you as fast as I can." the ringmaster reassured me. I nodded and ran to the ladder; I'm not sure if I were ever more excited to climb anything in my life, I couldn't wait to finally be on the tightrope.
I reached the top of the pole and carefully situated myself on the platform and stared at the rope in front of me as if it were a group of measly little children trying to fight me. My adrenaline was racing and not even a sudden fear of heights could stop me now. I was indomitable at that moment.
I looked down at TomCat, who seemed so small now that I was so high up. He gave me a reassuring wave as FatCat approached him from behind and said something to him with urgency. I paid no mind to them, too engrossed in my current task at hand. With a deep breath to calm my racing nerves, I took one careful step onto the rope and then another.
The rope sunk a few inches with my weight but I continued on; one foot in front of the other, over and over again, perfectly balanced, focused ahead at the opposing platform. That was my goal. My heart beat in my chest the further I went out, and sweat was pouring profusely down my forehead. It took me a few seconds to realise that it was boiling hot up here.
"Tae!" I heard the ringmaster call from down below but I remained focused, not allowing any distractions to keep me from succeeding.
"Tae! Stop!" Tom insisted and, curious, I finally looked down to him to see him throwing off his boots and running to the ladder. What's going on? I thought, looking ahead of me at the opposing platform.
I had gotten about four feet out when, right in front of me, I saw the individual strands of twine that made up the rope start to tear and rip. My breath caught in my throat and I felt my blood run cold. I was frozen to the spot at that point and even if Tom ordered me to back up, I was too petrified to move.
The rope released a straining noise as the last few strands struggled to stay together; my pathetic whimpers developed into scared sobs and I couldn't help myself from quivering violently, losing my balance in the process. I knelt down towards the breaking rope as I fell and clutched it tightly in my hands like life support. I heard the ringmaster yell my name as he reached the platform and outstretched his arms for me, slowly sliding out onto the rope as he did so.
Tom slid further towards me and I tried grabbing towards his fingers. My fingertips barely grazed his, and TomCat let out a frustrated grunt. I've never seen a more scared expression on his face in all my life. I just wanted to jump into his arms and be safe but I knew I shouldn't; not while I'm precariously laying on the rope as a cat would do to a thin wall.
Below me, the performers were all crowded together with faces of pure hysteria. They bumped each other and screamed at everyone to do something but nobody knew anything. So they remained in a frightened clump, watching on helplessly as Tom edged further onto the rope to reach me.
Just then, a loud snap erupted through the air and I felt my entire body go weightless. Tom gasped in surprise and quickly grasped the falling rope. I screamed as the rope swung down and left me hanging for dear life with Tom just above me. The performers' commotion below grew louder and only then, did a few run backstage to look for anything to help the situation.
I cried in fear as I clutched the rope so tightly, my knuckles turned white. The crude strings of sharp twine cut into my palms but my mind was in too much of a frenetic state to worry about my hands.
"Tae!" Tom called from above me, looking over his shoulder to catch sight of me. I glanced up and met his gaze with my tear-filled eyes.
"Come on, you have to pull yourself up! You can do it," he instructed.
I shook my head pitifully and let a choked sob escape my lips, "I can't!"
"Yes, you can! Please, you have to trust me!" Tom urged, his desperation showing through in the tone of his voice. I continued to cry as I began to use as much strength as I could muster to pull myself up the rope. I made it a few inches and Tom continued to motivate me to keep going.
"Yes! Good! Come on, reach for my foot!" he instructed, stretching out his leg for me to grab. I reached for his foot, barely grazing his toes. I tried again, using as much strength as possible in my small arms to pull myself further up the rope to reach him.
My hand slipped... my fingers had grabbed hold of Tom's ankle, but, the hand that I had been using to hold onto the rope abruptly gave out and slipped from my fingers as if it had suddenly become butter. I tried lunging for Tom's ankle at the last second but my grip wasn't strong enough to take hold and it wasn't long before I felt my heart leap in my chest as the air rushed past me. I screamed in terror, as did Tom as he shrieked my name.
I screamed and practically clawed at the air in hopes that I'll sprout wings and fly back up to my best friend... but to my misfortune, that never happened... and soon the only thing I heard in my ears was the deafening crack of my bones shattering against the firm dirt floor... and then an even more deafening sound of silence...