I, Kawamura Hikari, live in isolation.
I closed off my heart from the outside world, despite it being excruciating for me.
But this is the only way... this way, I can't hurt anyone, nor they can hurt me.
I don't have any ambitions or goals. I only have one thing in my mind: mind my own business.
...
...
"This is the worksheet you gave yesterday, sensei." I hand over my handout to the teacher in the faculty room, to which, she accepted, before sighing tiredly.
"Look, I already told you to give the handouts to your class rep, yet, you still pass it to me personally. You don't have to go out of your way to pass it to me in person." She said with her hand on the back of her head, scratching it softly.
"I understand sensei, but this way, my paper won't be swimming in the pond, ripped to pieces or even be stolen." I said to her, which made her sigh even more.
"I don't understand why you distrust people so much. At this rate, you won't make any friends." She said with a frown.
"I don't need them, nor do they need me. I understand that you worry about my social status, but it would be best not to worry about it. I never intended to make any friends." I said to her. She gave me silence in return, which I can guess; she was surprised at what I said, because of her reaction.
"If you'll excuse me." I bow before taking my leave.
I silently walked through the hallway like a shadow, but somehow, I still get noticed because of my snow white hair.
It irritates me, but not to the point where I would control myself from bursting.
I eventually arrived at my classroom and ignored my classmates, making my way to my seat.
Some girls talk about me with curious gazes, while some boys looks at me with envy. But I can't blame them. There might be a girl who is interested in me, to which, might be a boy who is interested in the girl who is interested in me, which can cause unnecessary conflict that I rather avoid. Though, I just ignore everyone as usual, to avoid trouble.
I just stared at the window in a daze, not caring about anything around me. But of course; I listen to the teacher and I do my best to avoid getting caught from slacking off. My grades are just average, and I'm not good when it comes to sports.
If anything could be found from me that can attract attention, that would be my crimson red eyes and my hair. I didn't want any of these features, alas, I was born with it.
After the lesson felt like an eternity, homeroom finally ended and everyone was dismissed. I stayed on my seat until I was the only one left in the classroom.
After I made sure that no one else was around anymore, I stood up from my seat and took my leave.
I always walk to my house, and I try. AGAIN, I TRY to avoid my sister, but she somehow manages to find me effortlessly.
We are the same age, the hue of her hair is the same as mine, but her eyes are black. Plus, she is a beauty in our school, and she's quite famous. Her name is Kawamura Hina. Her classroom is different from mine of course, since she's on a league of her own.
"Hey, Hikari, you were avoiding me again, right?" She said to me while pouting, keeping up with my walking pace. "Why would I avoid you?" I said to her nonchalantly.
"How would I know? All I know is that you're deliberately avoiding me." She said a little bit annoyed with a hint of sadness. "You're just imagining things." I said to her using the same poker face I always wear.
Sighing in defeat, she wraps her hand around my arm, and I allowed her, because she would cause a fuss if I don't.
"Are you still upset about what happened in middle school." She asked cautiously. "I don't want to talk about that, and can I ask you not to mention that ever again?" I told her, emphasizing that I was annoyed on the latter.
"I was the one at fault, isn't that why you lowered your grades on purpose?" She continued to pry, waiting for a reply.
"Look Hina, I already told you not to mention that ever again just now, right?" I told her with a slightly cold tone, making her flinch.
"I-I'm sorry." She releases her wrapped arm from mine, before her head drooped.
I sighed in exasperation as we arrived at our home, which I wanted to call it, before opening the gate, making our way to the door.
"I'm home." We said in unison as I open the door. The first one to greet us- no, more like only Hina; was Father. His hair was a mix of black and white and his eyes were black.
"Welcome home, Hina-chan." Father said to Hina, patting her head cheerfully. "Mou! I'm not a kid anymore!" Hina said with displeasure, causing Father to smile wryly, removing his hand from her head.
"Did you have fun at school today?" Mother came out from the living room and asked Hina. "Yeah." Hina said while nodding. Mother's hair had the same hue as mine and the same goes for her eyes.
"I'm going to my room." I said, and ignored them. But before I could take a step on the stairs, father interrupted me. "I have something to talk about, Hikari." Father said in a rather strict tone.
"What is it? Father?" I asked him. "I've heard that you aren't doing well with your grades." He said, crossing his arms across his chest. "I'm doing my best." I said to him, which hit a nerve.
"Doing your best is not enough! Work harder!" He said, clearly furious. "Look at Hina, her grades are top of the line, she's admired by her classmates and everyone around her, even by her teachers! Yet you, you're nothing but air that sometimes get noticed due to your distinguished features! Aren't you ashamed of yourself?!" Hina turns her gaze to me with a worried expression, while mother had a solemn expression on her face.
"But I'm doing my best here." I said to father which fueled his anger even more. "So now you're talking back?!" He approached me and punched me across the face, making me fall to the ground, and my mouth started bleeding. I accidentally cut my mouth because of his punch, and it stings.
"Hikari!" Hina tried to come to my aid, but mother stopped her, shaking her head when Hina turned to her.
Hina still wanted to come to my aid, but I landed my gaze on her telling her not to interfere. As if she understood this, she hung her head down.
"All you've been doing is mess around! You haven't even done anything to repay us for raising you!" He clenched his fist tight after punching me.
I then wiped the blood on my mouth. "I apologize for not living up to your expectations..." I said to him, before he left with a "Hmpf!" Stomping to the living room.
"Ouch..." I mumbled, slowly standing up putting a hand to my cheek, before making my way to my room.
Mother never said anything, my sister tried to defend me, but she's too much of a coward.
I never ate dinner, because I knew they won't be making me one. Even if I work hard and raise my grades, they'll accuse me of cheating before punishing me again.
But this is the best way for me. Once I become legal, I'll leave this house for good. I'll repay them the debt I owe them. I'll never come back, nor show my face ever again.
I put a wet cloth on my swollen cheek for a few minutes. After that, I grabbed my first aid kit and took out a bandage, before putting it on my cheek.
"That should do..." I mumbled. "I'll definitely draw attention with this bandage, but it's no use crying over spilled milk." I sighed.
I waited, and made sure that everyone in the house were asleep, before sneaking outside with the money mom gave to me that was on my table inside my room. It may not look like it, but mom is quite kind to me, and this is her way of showing her kindness. If she was upfront about it, it would cause conflict between father and mother, and she knows that I don't want that. That's why she's keeping her distance from me, all the while, doing her best to support me from the background.
I wore a hoodie that covered my white hair to avoid unnecessary attention. Despite this late, there are still a fair amount of people outside.
After walking for a few minutes, I saw the convenience store I was going to, and picked up my pace.
When I was about to enter, a girl around my age exited the store, but I noticed that she stole a glance at me. Her hair was pink but her blue eyes was what caught my attention. It was as if I was looking at both the sea and the blue sky at the same time.
It felt like time had slowed down when I passed by her, and somehow, she sent shivers down my spine when she took a good look at me. Her expression was empty, but not as empty as mine, and I couldn't see her face clearly because it was dark. Plus, she wore a hoodie as well, that's why I only noticed the hue of her hair and eyes when I passed by her. And honestly? She was a beauty, a sight for sore eyes, but I couldn't care less, that's why I ignored her.
I was about to enter the store and was about to shake her off my mind, but someone puts a hand on my shoulder. "You, what's your name?" I turned around and saw that the girl I passed by was the one who had a hand to my shoulder.
"Kawamura Hikari." I wasn't suppose to tell her my name because I had no obligation to, but when I landed my gaze on her, words naturally came out of my mouth. I don't even know the reason why I told her my name.
She paused for a brief moment. I couldn't make out her expression because it was dark, but it felt like she was smiling for a few moments. "...I see..." She lets go of my shoulder and takes out something from her plastic bag. "Here, you look pale, make sure to eat properly." She hands me an energy drink and turned her heel before leaving. "...I don't need your concern..." I mumbled, before entering the store. Although the girl was shrouded in mystery, I ignored her and I entered the convenience store.
The next day, I was about to take out my notebook for the first few subjects in the morning from my locker, but a letter fell when I opened it. The stamp was a heart shape, and I already knew what the contents were.
No one was around since I go to school quite early. In fact, it was quite silent. Too silent that you might suspect that someone is watching you.
After scanning the area, and making sure that no one is around, I opened the letter.
As I thought, it was a love letter. The contents were filled about how the sender felt about me, and she even told me to meet her somewhere in school.
"This again..." I sigh tiredly, putting the letter on my bag, before making my way to the classroom. Naturally I caught a lot of attention because of the bandage on my face, but no one even approached me nor ask me if I was all right. I have no qualms about this since I'd rather be left alone.
When lunchbreak came by, I made my way to the faculty office. There I met up with our adviser. After that, I went to the secluded place the letter told me to go to after school for today was done, which was behind the old school building.
Once I arrived, the girl who I assume was the one who gave me the letter, was already waiting.
Once she spotted me, a smile formed on her face. Her cheeks flushed and she started to fidget. Eyeing her closely, I recognized her.
"Class rep, are you the one who gave me this letter?" I asked her.
Her hair is brown, and the same goes for her eyes. Her figure can allure many men, to which I can guess, she must've gotten a lot of confessions at this point. If someone were to match up with her, that would be my sister. In terms of sports, physique and grades, both of them are all arounders. Her name is Fukuda Miharu.
"Y-Yes! D-Did you read it...?" She stutters, but she manages to make out her words.
"I did. If I didn't, I wouldn't be here." I told her, with a hint of coldness in my tone. I want her to keep her distance from me, that's why I spoke to her a little coldly.
But it had the opposite effect. Instead of shivering, she instead squealed. Putting both of her hands on her face, becoming a blushing mess. Was she really at the top of our grade?
"So? Why did you call me here?" I sighed to show my exasperation. She seems to be lost on her own world for a few seconds, but my question brought her back to reality.
"R-Right." She regains her composure, before giving me a serious expression. "Kawamura Hikari-san. Please go out with me!" She puts a hand to her chest, waiting for my reply. As much as I want to not reject her; I must. It's the only way to protect myself.
"I apologize. Due to family circumstances, I cannot go out with you." I bowed in front of her. What I said isn't a lie. If father found out that I'm going out with someone, he would go mad.
"I-Is that so...?" She hung her head down, feeling sad. But I don't feel guilty, nor do I feel sad. All I feel is emptiness.
Tears started falling from her eyes, and she runs away. I stayed on my spot until she was no longer around.
"I thank you for your assistance, sensei." Once I said that, a person showed up from the corner of the building.
"Look, you don't have to call me whenever you have someone confessing to you." She said with a worried tone.
"I apologize for disturbing you, considering the confession itself might've been a prank." I said to her. "I'll be taking my leave now." I told her, before giving me a gesture that says I can go, reluctantly.
I bowed to her and took my leave.
It was already getting late, and I knew my sister had gone home at this time, making me feel relaxed.
When I was about to exit the school, I saw a bunch guys glaring daggers at me outside the school gate. Looking a little bit closer, they're from my class.
I tried to ignore them, but once I had stepped outside the gate, one of them grabs my shoulder.
"Oi! Why don't you follow us for a bit, eh?" The one who grabbed my shoulder was probably the leader of these guys, given that he had a brawny body and he had eyes of a person who had gone through multiple fights. These type of people are the ones I hate dealing with the most.
"Why?" I asked them blatantly. "You already know why." He gestures one of his lackeys and gave him his phone.
He shows me the phone that had a photo of me and Miharu behind the old school building. He starts sliding the picture one by one, showing that Miharu was crying, and was running away from me.
My expression was empty when he showed me the pictures, because that's how I geniunely felt.
"And? What do you want to tell me by showing these pictures?" I told him, which clearly made him angry as he clenched his fist tight.
He then gestured his lackeys, and they took me to an empty alley. Judging from the situation, I already knew what was gonna happen.
"Looks like I need to teach you a lesson." He grins widely and arrogantly, gesturing his lackeys once more. One of his lackeys grabbed me from behind, preventing me from moving.
"Looks like that bandage on your face isn't enough! Don't worry, I'll make sure you'll have to cover your whole body with bandages!" He clenches his fist and threw a strong punch on my stomach.
Of course it hurt a lot, but I made no move against this. Why? They could easily twist the story and use it against me.
He kept punching me and his anger couldn't be quenched by hurting me alone.
"What's wrong?! Is this all you've got?!" He shouted at me, but I didn't give him a reply, which made him more angry.
Before he could punch me again, he suddenly realized something, before giving me a despicable grin.
"Now that I thought about it, you had an older brother, right? No, more like a cousin." He said to me, surprising me. When and where did he get this information?
"I heard he died a few years ago. From what I've heard, he was loved by everyone around him."
"Shut... up..." I mumbled, but he most likely heard it, as his grin grew ever wider.
"He was successful at everything he does, and he was labeled as a genius."
"Stop talking..."
"But guess what? He died because he was fool. He protected a failure like you. Someone who has no future, no dream. What an idiot of an older brother!" He laughed... him and his lackeys laughed!
At this point, something within me snapped.
"Shut up." I knocked the person who grabbed me from behind using my head. He fell to the ground with a broken nose that was bleeding.
I sent them an icy glare and it stopped them on the spot. They all shivered including the leader, but he still had his pride and arrogance left in him.
"Get him!" He commanded, and his lackeys started to attack me.
One of them threw a punch straight to my face, but I took a step to the side and evaded it, before grabbing his whole arm, spinning him around, before throwing him into one of the lackeys with enough force that both of them fell down to the ground.
The next one did the same, but his speed was quicker and I could feel that his punch had enough power to topple me down.
Being cautious, I graciously took a step back, grabbing his whole arm which he used to throw a punch instead of evading it, before using my feet to swipe his feet, and pulling his arm over my shoulder, throwing him onto the ground, strong enough to make him cough and feel breathless for a few seconds because of the impact.
After all those barrage of attacks, there was only one left, which was the leader.
"Get out of my way, I'll take him down myself!" The leader dashed at me and he tried to take me down using his whole upper body, but I moved aside, making him crash onto the ground.
"How dare you!" He was angry and he immediately stood up, before swinging his whole arm at my direction. I evaded it since it would be bad if it hit me, the force of his assaults is no laughing matter. Once I evaded his swing, he punched straight at me, but this time, I blocked it.
It surprised him of course, since his power is pretty good. But to me, it's all about the technique.
After I blocked his punch, I swiped it away using my hand and used my elbow, before aiming for his jaw, hitting it with a force equal to his that it made his teeth clash with each other, and making him fall down onto the ground with a thud.
I dusted off my hand, knowing that the fight was over. At least I thought it was.
I heard someone standing up from behind me, and it was none other than the guy I threw over my shoulder, holding a knife on his hand.
He started to charge at me, and I was taken by surprise. My shoulder got grazed by the knife as I barely managed to evade just in time, before I grabbed his wrist, gripping it tightly, and making him scream from the pain. He soon released his knife, before I gave him a full force kick to his chest, which made him fly lightly, knocking him unconscious.
I grabbed the knife the lackey had and noticed that the leader was still trying to stand up. So I threw the knife to his head, missing by a hair's width intentionally, causing him to flinch. I then approached him and grabbed him by the colar, peering my face close to his, giving him a death glare.
"The next time you make fun of him, I won't go easy on you." His eyes were now finally filled with fear and horror compared to earlier, and his body started to shake. Why is that? Because he tried to break free with all his might, but I didn't even budge.
I started to walk away from the scene, and of course, I didn't walk away unscathed. My shoulder felt a searing pain because of the wound I got from the knife of the lackey who tried to take me by surprise.
Soon, my whole body started to hurt slowly. The adrenaline must be wearing off as I felt no pain earlier. I was pretty battered and it was noticeable.
I must patch up my shoulder as soon as possible before it gets infected. But it was already late. The sun had just set and the streets became dark.
I'm sure father will be really angry specially because I got into a fight. Even if I reason with him, he won't listen to a word I say.
At this time, the best course of action is to run away.
I sighed, putting a hand to my shoulder, using my handkerchief to cover my wound, walking to the same convenience store I went to yesterday.
As usual, there were not much people, which works in favor to me.
I immediately entered the store and bought some medicine and bandages. The clerk who always greets me with a smile had a worried expression when she observed me, but I could care less about what she thinks.
Once I had picked up the medicine and bandages, I went to the counter. I silently took my wallet and selected a bill that can cover up the cost of the products I brought.
"Um... did you get into a fight somehow?" The clerk asked reluctantly.
"I ran into a pole and accidentally tripped. Moreover, I was grazed by a knife by a thief who had murderous glint in their eyes when they saw me." I sighed to give credibility. "What an unfortunate day." I said to her, making her smile wryly.
"I-Is that so? What an unfortunate day indeed..." She chuckled nervously. At this point; I knew that she already knew that I lied, but she didn't want to pry into my life. I respect that.
"Thank you for your patronage, please come again." She gives me a warm smile.
"Please put your grocery on the counter so I can scan it." The shopkeeper told the person behind me.
I ignored the next person, not even giving the person a glance, and made my way to the bus station.
Where am I going? Somewhere far away. Somewhere where school gossips and bad rumors and everything that troubles me goes away... even just for a brief moment.