Nefretiri
I know the meaning of a perfect moment.
It's sitting in the rocking chair, staring at my daughter and marveling how perfect she was. Sadly, somewhere in that perfection, without meaning to, I feel the pang of guilt surface anew. That sinking sensation in my chest that I'd neglected her again. It seemed like a running theme between us, and I wasn't comfortable with it. Unfortunately, no matter how hard I try to get rid of it, I can't.
I hadn't been there for her with everything going on, and it felt like abandonment. Perhaps not like the horror stories you hear on the news, which always make me sick when I find out about them, but someone else was raising her for me. No matter how they told me it was alright, I knew it wasn't, and there wasn't anything anyone could say to change my mind. There was no reason I couldn't be a mother to my child. Didn't she deserve that?
