In life everything that happens has its own reasons ika nga nila but in my case right now i still do not get the reason why is this happening to me, i am all alone in this darkness and i must admit that it scares the hell out of me.,i am so damn scared that i might be stuck in here at hindi na makabalik pa, mahirap mag isa sa dilim na ang tanging naririnig mo lang ay ang boses at iyak ng mga taong paulit ulit nakikiusap na bumalik ako, how i wish they knew that i want to wake up and come back as much as they want to but shit i just couldn't, i can not find the way back.
All i could do is to hear them begging and crying, feeling their love for me but no matter how i tried to give them the signs that i can hear them ay wala, no matter how i scream my lungs out hindi nila naririnig, i am losing my shits damn it i am missing them so much specially my baby but i can not do anything but to cry and pray na sana ibalik na ako sa liwanag kasama ang mga taong naghihintay sa aking pagbabalik.
Darkness... yes as in wala akong makitang kahit ano, i have these feeling na tanging ako lang ang nag eexist sa lugar na ito ngunit maging ang aking sarili ay hindi ko man lang maaninag sa sobrang dilim ng lugar, i even tried to see my trembling hands but i couldn't, damn.,i do not know how long i have been here pero sa mga boses na naririnig ko i guess matagal na ako dito....
"Shan,," ohhh my god that voice again.. "it's Frei..you promised me that you will be fine right? sabi mo gagaling ka at hindi mo kami iiwan, i think 5 months is enough for your rest now kaya please gumising kana, Iana is waiting for you, we are all waiting for you.....hindi ko pa nga nasasabi kung gaano kita kamahal kaya please wake up now.,gumising kana mahal ko i beg you, come back now". shit her voice,, she's crying again because of me...her voice seems to be so broken again, how stupid i was not to see this side of her, not to see how i means to her...damn she loves me so much freaking hell.
Pinakiramdaman ko ang aking sarili and to find my heart aching just by hearing her voice cracking, ramdam ko ang paninikip ng dibdib ko..i want to stop her from crying, i tried to lift my hand but god i can't so i gave all my strength to move my fingers upang sa ganuon man lang maipakita kong naririnig ko siya at nararamdaman and i guess i did it coz she suddenly stop from crying.
"Shan?? oh my god i saw it you moved your finger please if you are hearing me right now please move your finger again please..please" she plead and so i did with all my might, i did moved my index finger and after that i heard a crick sound, she opened a door and screaming for the nurses to call for assistance from the doctor.,i could feel that she's panicking dahil sa mga yabag niyang palakad lakad sa loob ng kwartong kinaroroonan ko..
"baby" iginala ko ang mga mata ko, hindi ako pwedeng magkamali boses iyon ni mommy and i assume she's here nandito siya at hindi ako nag iisa.
"baby mommy and daddy is here" what?? they are here?? but where, i can not see them damn it ang dilim kahit anong gala ko sa mga mata ko hindi ko sila makita, where are they??then suddenly my tears rolled down my cheeks, my heart is now hammering inside my chest.. aching for the light to come my way so that i can find my parents from this place..
"mommy, daddy where are you i can not see you.. please mommy take me out of here" i murmured and then suddenly a light comes out from nowhere hanggang namalayan ko na lamang ang mga paa kung nilalapitan ang liwanag na iyon,. my heart skip a beat when i saw from a far a couple wearing white shirt while their hands intertwined as they are looking at me smiling widely..suddenly my knees weakened at the sight,nag unahan sa pagbagsakan ang mga luha ko..my parents finally they are here to save me, they really are here for me...i ran as fast as i could, i have been dreaming for this for a long time and now it is finally happening, i am going to feel their embrace again, my tears stream down my cheeks nonstop, basang basa na ang mukha ko habang papalapit ako sa kinaroroonan ng mga magulang ko..
I hugged them tightly as i reached where they were standing, they opened their arms for me widely, my eyes automatically got shut as i felt their arms wrapped around my body, they hugged me too tight its as if they were trying to take back the years that we spent apart from each other, tuluyan akong humagulgol sa bisig ng mga magulang ko habang wala ring awat ang mga kamay nilang humahagod sa aking likuran na tila inaalo ako sa labis na pag iyak ko, i was crying like a baby and damn i don't mind it at all.. i am so happy, so damn happy at the moment.
"hushh now baby everything is going to be fine hmm? your ate and your daughter is waiting for you darling, go back now" umiling iling ako, i can not let them go just like that, hindi ko maatim na mawala ulit sila sa aking paningin...
I was shaking my head continuously when i felt my mom embrace tightened while kissing the top of my head while daddy on the other hand busy caressing my back, murmuring for me to stop from crying but damn how can i stop? yakap ko na sila ulit sa hinaba haba ng panahong nawala sila sa amin ng kapatid ko ngayon ko lang narealized how much i miss them, how much i was longing for them,,.god i missed my parents so fucking much..
I bit my lower lip trying to stop from sobbing,,they are pulling me away slowly... no mommy please i will come with you, sasama ako sa inyo..parang gripo ang tulo ng luha ko nang tuloyan na nila akong bitawan.. i shook my head.
"baby you need to go back, your sister is waiting for you..she wiped out my tears and planted a soft kiss on my forehead "go back darling, they are waiting for you don't worry we are just here watching you and your sister hmmm! kiss me to my apo alright?" damn i wanted to stay here with my parents but yeah she was right, my daughter and ate Naiana is waiting for me..,i hugged them once more even tighter, i kiss them and when they said "go" i then let go the hugged and planted kiss on their cheeks before i bid goodbyes to them..when i turned my back and started walking my heart felt like it was ripping, my tears flowed down my face na tila gripong ayaw nang paawat sa pagtulo mula sa aking mga mata..,i knew then my heart was breaking damn..
I wanted to see them one last time so i turned back and stopped from walking but i saw nothing,bagsak ang balikat kong nagpatuloy,,they already gone and then suddenly i felt something in my body, unti unti akong nanghihina na tila hinihigop ang lahat ng lakas ko.
Maamong mukha na ang nasisilayan ko, nakangiting anghel habang walang patid ang pagluha habang nakatunghay sa akin, her hands was shaking, her beautiful face was dripping wet because of her flowing tears na tila ulan na walang tila sa pagbuhos mula sa maaamo niyang mga mata.
"Mommy you are finally awake" she's crying but i can see the happiness that plastered on her face..
I am home, i am finally home..