This is what no one tells you about heroes: Being a Hero sucks. There's no 'happy ending' after the last battle. No reward for your sacrifice. No celebration for your survival. No friends, no family, to stand by your side as the continued pain becomes the new normal.

So yeah, being the Hero sucks.

You know what sucks more? Having to pretend everything is fine because you cannot leave your younger sisters at the mercy of the walking-shit that is your father and two years into the farce you realize that you've become just another weakness to exploit for their next 'savior.'

"Kali… where are you going? It's already eleven pm." Ichimaru asked, frowning worriedly at the dark circles under his little sis' eyes and the sickly-pale shade to her skin.

"Oh. I'm… I can't sleep so I'm going to practice." Kali lifts up a well loved soccer ball. "I'll be in the backyard so you can go back to sleep, Ichi-nii."

Ichimaru winced at the fake smile that accompanied the lie and wondered just when Kali had become such a good liar; he had never managed to be this smooth. But then, lying was not that high in his priority list.

"Sure. Be careful." Ichimaru returned the smile emptily, heart breaking for his poor sister. "Good night, Kali. I love you."

Kali blinked. "I love you too, Ichi-nii."

Ichimaru turned on his heels and forced himself to return to his room, knuckles turning white with the force he applied against the cup of water he had originally wokep for. He took a deep breath as the front-door closed with a muffled thump and Kali disappeared into the night.

Ichimaru puts the cup gently on the nightstand. He goes to the bedroom, closes the door and looks into the mirror.

His brown eyes are almost pitch black, his lips bared into a sneer. He looks terrifying, face twisted into something ugly and too much like Shiro that it hurts.

Ichimaru's fist crashes into the mirror; the fractures on the reflection grow like a spider-web. Pain flares to life but it's so inconsequential in comparison to having half of his soul ripped away that it's like it is not even there. Only registering in Ichimaru's mind because of the blood.

Seeing the blood drops hit the impeccable white of the sink, Ichimaru realized he hated them.

He hated the 'friends' that had fought by his side. He hated the 'comrades' he made among the ranks of the Guards. He hated Sourire. He hated Shuri. He hated Keisuke. Sister, mentor, lover. All who he had believed would know better than allow Kali to drench herself in the blood that accompanied the path of a reaper.

Kali was *fifteen.*

Same age as he gained the responsibility to keep the balance. At the time he had felt more than old enough, and why wouldn't he when he had practically raised himself and his two sisters? He considered himself and adult just as any stupid adolescent did. Now, seeing it from another perspective he could see how unfair the entire thing was.

Kali was a child.

And she had already thrown her life to the garbage because she thought it was her responsibility to protect her family from the calamities that roamed free. As if there weren't at least a dozen other people who could fight, who should be fighting.

Ichimaru could forgive many things, including all his loved people abandoning him afterwards he became a cripple in their eyes, but turning Kali into a weapon wasn't on the list.

But his anger and resentment couldn't fix anything.

He didn't have a golden core, meaning he was as dangerous as a butterfly. King, he couldn't even be mildly annoying! Blind, deaf. Incapable of interacting with anything that belonged to the Pure Lands, he was helpless to do anything but watch as Kali ruined her life.

Confronting her wouldn't do any good, Ichimaru knew. After all, Kali was one hundred-percent her little sister (kinda like a daughter, actually.) and if they shared something was their stubbornness and faulty sense of loyalty.

Ichimaru sighed, cuddling his injured hand against his chest. "Fuck."

Stupidity was another shared trait. He shouldn't have done this, it would only worry Yu when she sees it in the morning. Insides churning with guilt he looked around for the medic-kit, face illuminating as he found it. Snorting as he saw the bunny-themed bandages. Yu was way too into the cute stuff.

The smile on his lips dimmed as Sourie came into mind, she also loved the cute stuff.

"I cannot believe I miss her." Ichimaru said with bitter amusement. "Really, one would think I learned my lesson after all this time."

But hey, stupidly loyal indeed.

The moment Ichimaru's fingers touched the bandages, the house shook like it was a leaf trapped in an airstream.

'Earthquake' was the first thing on his mind. But no. Ichimaru knew in his bones that something as mundane as an earthquake didn't have a place in his life. The roar that filled his mind was a memory, he was sure of it, but it fit the situation just the same.

Too similar to the day he stole Sourie's powers and his golden core formed. Too similar to the day his life went to shit.

'Calamity.' His mind whispers with a note of fear that makes Ichimaru sick, he remembers claws and beams of pure destructive energy. He remembers mocking laughs and blood tears, white bone and black fur, and for a moment there Ichimaru forgets how to breathe through the pain of scars that are not there anymore.

/Stop/

(Ichimaru takes a deep breath.)

/Focus/

(Ichimaru shakes the memories away, pushing himself away from the wall and planting himself on the ground in the first of the katas Keisuke pounded on his head.)

/Move/

Training kicks in and Ichimaru enters into his 'battle' mode. The first thing he needs to do is find Yu -their shitty dad can take care of himself- and make a run for the shop. Keisuke may have broken the things between them but he's not so callous as to let him be slaughtered like a pig, past experiences aside, of course.

"Ichi-nii!" A young voice calls, frightened and shaky.

"Yu." Ichimaru breathes in relief, lunging forward. He picks the small girl into his arms just as the house shakes again. This time, Ichimaru is prepared. He moves along and uses the momentum to jump and land on the hard-wood floor downstairs.

The dining-room is trashed and half of the kitchen is gone.

A figure with dark black hair is half-buried under the rubble, it's too large to be Kali. Furthermore, if he can see it then it's not Kali. Not even if it's her body. It still makes Ichimaru stop for a moment and he meets brown eyes in the same shade as his own.

'Yagami's eyes.' Ichimaru thinks with bitterness.

Ikaku raises a hand in his direction, a plea trapped on his tongue. The monster that had turned their home into a hunting ground, heavy and big, his weight making the floors creak and his size making the roof crumble.

Ichimaru turns on his heels and makes a run to the still intact front-door; he makes sure Yu's face is well hidden on his chest, so she doesn't have to see anything bad. His voice continues to be calm like the surface of a lake as he promises her that all is gonna be fine.

It fits, he thinks as his hot breath rises like smoke into the cold night, his shitty father dying like the mortal he always pretended to be. Ironic and cruel, it has Keisuke's firm all over it. And Ichimaru smiles at the pettiness of his late lover.

'Good riddance.' Ichimaru thinks as he leaves his Father to die.

…

They don't make it far.

…

The street is as wrecked as their house, things that speak of a battle and more calamities than Ichimiaru feels comfortable knowing are (or were) near them. Especially when Kali is still missing.

'Please let her be ok.' He prays to the King, putting his new founded faith to good use. 'Please let us survive the night.'

Ichimaru is not afraid of death. How could he when he knows what exists afterwards and has spent more time as a spirit than a human being for the last five years? It's just illogical that going home would scare him. No, what scares him is the very big possibility of losing Kali and Yu for the rest of this particular cycle.

Kali is a reaper, she will pass into the next cycle of reincarnation when she dies.

Yu and him are human, and human souls belong to the Pure Lands. But they rarely arrive at the same place even if they ascend together. The districts are too big, too many for Ichimaru to be able to find Yu if he were to lose her.

And after all he's gone though, he's not sure he would remain sane if that were to happen.

Running is easy, it's just putting one foot in front of the other and ensuring you are breathing by the nose instead of the mouth. Running is easy and Ichimaru can do it with his eyes closed, thus when he tripped, it was something that belonged to a comedy movie.

His surprise, indignation and outrage plain to see in his exaggerated face-expression.

Ichimaru rolled expertly, making sure that Yu wouldn't get hurt and grunting as his back, head, knees and elbow all hit the ground. Yu squeaked and Ichimaru cursed long and loud, making the poor girl's face turn red with embarrassment even in their precarious situation.

"Ichi-nii!" Yu said in the same tone a mother would say 'Language!'

Ichimaru coughed, breaking the hug so it was easier to get up. "Ah. Sorry?"

Yu wasn't impressed. And for a ten years old, she looked downright terrifying when she dusted her hands on her dress and stared down at him. How had she developed the mum-pose in the first place? She was the baby in the family, it wasn't fair.

The moment was interrupted when something— someone. Those felt like hands, and just humanoid hands but actually human hands. Shit.

The hand gripping his elbow pulled, twisting his arm into his back. Ichimaru gritted his teeth before growling. "Yu. Run."

"What?" Yu blinked at him, not a hint of understanding on her expression.

Ichimaru wanted to hit himself. Of course she didn't understand, she didn't know. Fuck, she may just think this is an Earquake. Shit. Ichimaru had just assumed Kali had told her but then, Ichimaru had never outright told Kali either, he had left her to put the pieces together on her own. Both acknowledging the other knew but never talking about it out loud.

"Run." Ichimaru repeated, this time wheezing as his arm breaks under the pressure. "Now, Yu! As fast as you can."

Something in his tone or face must have spooked because Yu obeys, no questions asked, she sprints down the street and Ichimaru prays that whoever is doing it considers him enough; bait, hostage, victim. It didn't matter, he just hoped he was enough and they would leave Yu alone.

Ichimaru gagged as he suddenly stopped feeling his legs, terror making him sick as the hand moved from his arm to his neck and pushed him down; something hit the back of his neck and the world faded into darkness.

And as often did, he found himself dreaming, trapped in a memory that was no more.

Golden cores are flicky and mystic even for the most seasoned reapers, for how something that's so small and fragile can be the door to the infinite? A reaper's inner world was unique and transformed to adequate the other half of the reaper, the blade, the soul within the soul.

Ichimaru's inner world was a forest that suffered from eternal rain. Big, heavy storm clouds covering the sky. No animal sounds that were not drowned as the water hit the already wet soil.

Once upon a time, Quetzalcoatl had claimed the land as his.

Once upon a time, a little white bony creature had hissed and crackled as it danced under the watchful eyes of the serpent.

Once upon a time, Ichimaru hadn't been so utterly broken.

Nowadays though… Nowadays, he only could see this place when he was too tired and rendered himself to the darkness. Nowadays, he stood here as alone as he was out in the realm of the living.

Ichimaru used to hate rain, now he only found solace in it's cold embrace. One of his favorite things to do inside these dreams was baring his face to the sky, he did so as well during this one.

Drip, drop.

Something warm hit his cheek, sliding down the left side of his face.

Instinctively Ichimaru tooks a hand to his face, looking down he saw his fingertips drenched in melted gold. Beautiful and shiny against his skin, think enough to not get completely washed with the rain.

Horror was such a funny feeling, it made you feel cold even as your blood rises up along with your heartbeat.

Once upon a time, seeing his fingertips covered in red would have been the most terrifying thing. Nowadays, Ichimaru couldn't imagine anything worse than gold.

He looked up.

Standing over him was a huge, beautiful woman with red painted lips and long black hair. Dressed with enough luxury that calling her anything but a Queen felt wrong and yet her figure was chained, her head bowed and her eyes pitch black in the way Ichimaru associated it with calamities. Making 'Goddess' and 'Abomination.' come to mind.

Ichimaru had never seen her before.

Yet, he knew her name down to his bones. How could he not when Keisuke and him had fought side by side for two long years? When her presence at his back meant safety? When her bloodlust matched his own?

Ichimaru chokes on his words as he tries to say her name.

Drip, drop. Molten gold continued to drip from the woman's claw-like nails.

Something rushed among the trees, making the leaves rustle and the branches creak. Ichimaru looks around, following the sound with increasing anxiety. Knowing intimately that something was very, very wrong.

The woman's lips parted and the stench of rotten flesh is so potent Ichimaru has to force the bile rising up his throat back down, he falls to his knees, head so light that his vision gets spots.

"You have to wake up." The wind whispers with the voice of a loved one.

"No." Ichimaru denies, gasping for air. "If I wake up then you'll be gone."

Long nails rip his skin and flesh apart, clawing into his soul with vengeance. Drip, drop. Now the gold is mixed with red in a sickening mirage.

"Ichimaru, you have to wake up. Now."

"I don't want you to leave me again." The plea is said among tears but Keisuke has never been anything but ruthless and expecting his other half to show mercy was a fool's errand. The woman yowled and Ichimaru's inner world crumbled into dust.

He came into consciousness with his lungs screaming and a mouth filled with blood; everything hurt.

'This is the second worst thing ever.' Ichimaru thought nonsensical as he fought to be able to breathe, barely registering pained amatysth-like eyes peering down at him with so much fear and desperation it was almost palpable.

'Keisuke.' It took him more than it should to recognize his ex-lover but once he did, his heartbeat went down as he was forcibly relaxed as a pavlov response to the albino. 'Cause if Keisuke was here then…

Then all would be alright.

(A more cynical part of him took notice that if he was able to see Keisuke, then he was pretty much beyond saving. Already a foot, or two on the next world.)

"Good. Keep with me, alright. You're gonna be fine." Keisuke said, brows furrowed in concentration, like there was no other choice.

Ichimaru wanted to laugh; he choked on his own blood. Tears running free down his cheeks and feeling terrible for doing this to his sisters, Ichimaru forced himself to speak the words he held inside his heart.

"I love you." Stubborn, idiotic and utterly loyal to very end. Every word was hell but Ichimaru knew that if he didn't say them he would regret it 'till the end of time. "I love you so much, Keisuke."