So today I'm walking home with Juria. Finally, at least I get something I was hoping for. Maybe those two are right. I've been relying on them a little too much.
"I'm glad we get to walk home together again." She says as we walk down the sidewalk. There are dozens of cars whizzing by along with dozens of people around us going either direction. "It's been too long."
"You don't walk home with your friends?" I find it a little sad if she really just had this journey to and from school all alone like this. That's a far cry from how we had lived our quiet little life just some years ago.
"They all live a little further away from school." She tells me those girls take a train. While we're close enough that a walk is more than good enough. "But sometimes they walk with me if we're all going to hang out at one of our houses."
"That's good… That's good." Something about this conversation of ours is off. It's too formal. I feel as though we're acting like we're a couple of people who met up after years of not seeing each other. Clearly that's not the case seeing as I still ate breakfast with them every morning. Is it because Taisei's not here?
The air between us is awkward. My palms are sweaty and it's making it hard to grip my bag. It's not a feeling I'm used to having. When I think about it. Me and Juria aren't alone together very often. Usually it's the three of us whenever we hang out. "So how was high school in your first year?" I ask, trying to change the subject a bit. "Maybe I can learn a thing or two about what to expect."
"I think you'll do fine." She taps me on the shoulder, assuring me of her confidence. "You're always worrying about me, aren't you?"
"But I meant…" She's caught me without me even realizing it. Even though in the front of my mind was asking for myself. It's really just a subtle way to find out how school's been treating her.
"Ah ah ah." She interrupts me and prevents me from defending myself. "I've known you long enough to tell when you're trying to lie. Even if you don't know it yourself."
"Okay fine." I peer off course to hide away the growing blush on my face. It's not easy to keep a straight face when she gives me that smug look of hers. I swear she and Taisei must've inherited it from one of their parents. "Well? Has school been going well for you?"
"Of course." She claps her hands together in glee. "I've made some real good friends. And it's always so much fun, even though I'm not in a club. But you really don't need to keep concerning yourself with me."
"What's wrong with caring about a friend?" I respond. We've gotten close to our houses now. There's barely anyone on the streets once you get off the main road, so we're practically alone during this last leg of the journey home. As I continue to walk, I don't notice she's stopped walking until she speaks her next sentence.
"Is that all?" By the time she's said something, I see I'm standing a dozen feet away from her.
"Juria?" If she didn't want me to worry, then she's done a terrible job of it. My body feel tight and heavy as my heart's beat becomes strong. "What's wrong?"
"You don't need to feel guilty anymore…"
***
I remember back when I was a child quite clearly. A lot of people my age seem to have blurry memories of it. But for me, it's hard to want to forget. Hard to forget the day I met Juria.
I was at the age to be in preschool at that point. So I would've been four, maybe five at the oldest. It was then when our new neighbors were moving in. My mom told me that the family moving in had a son my age. Of course she would encourage me to introduce myself and befriend them. When I'm a parent, I would certainly do the same thing.
But there was one thing she either forgot to mention, or didn't know herself. That there wasn't only just a son in this family, but also a daughter. A daughter who had already been through a lot.
As a foolish child, I let myself in their door which had been left open as the moving crew did their job. I wanted to surprise the new friend I was going to make for a good impression. It was supposed to be a good time where we could laugh in remembering it.
Going through the hallway of their house, I peered my head into each room to find this boy. Honestly, there was no reason for me to believe they'd be in what would be their room at this point. Especially when the family was stilling moving in furniture. Guess I'm really not known for being smart.
But that's when I saw her for the first time. When I stuck my head in a room to see if anyone was inside, I did see a person. Someone who seemed to be around my size, and therefore likely my age. So I announced myself to what I assumed would be the new boy. Only, it wasn't him. Instead, the person who turned their face towards me was Juria.
Given her past medical history, she probably was laying here alone to rest her body. Her family had no reason to be concerned about leaving her alone. There were adults coming in and out, and this was a safe neighborhood.
That moment was the first time I saw her. The first time I saw her scarred face from that accident, and a full view of her injured eye before she got an eye patch. There was no color in it. Just a cloudy white for the pupils.
I screamed upon seeing it out of fright. It was the first time I had ever seen a person look like that. My young mind never once considered it would be possible for a human to appear as such. That was when I made the biggest mistake I still regret to this day. I called her… A monster.
The ruckus caused by my screaming in fear caused enough people to drop what they were doing to see what was happening. My own mother even came rushing inside scared near to death something bad had happened to me.
It was quite the scene to be a part of. There was me crying, running and hugging my mom telling her to protect me. Juria's parents came in to tend to their daughter, who was bawling after what I had just called her. My words had cut deep and certainly a mess of things had been made.
Even Taisei was there too. He had come in a little bit later as his smaller size at the time made him slower than his parents, who left him behind in order to ensure their daughter's safety. When he saw his big sister crying and me standing there as a stranger. Of course he would think I hurt her. It made him so mad that the little boy attempted to charge at me in retaliation. Thinking back, it was respectable that he loved his sister so much…
***
"That's what's on your mind, isn't it?" She spoke to me, knowing I had been reminded of that time. "But, you don't need to keep feeling guilty about it."
"How can I not?" Tears fill my eyes, blurring my vision. "I know I don't think that way anymore, but I know how it feels to be unsure about the way you are…" It pains me to the core to say it out loud. Honestly, many people would say it's rude to point out the scars on her face. The injuries she's sustained that from a young age. Maybe I'm still an awful person for being aware of it. "Am I wrong? Do people not judge you for this? And even if they may not hate it, does that mean it doesn't make them hold back?"
"Shhh…" I didn't notice through my tearful words and in my blindness. That she closed the gap between us. Juria placed her finger on my lips to prevent me from saying another word. "It's okay now. You don't need to cry."