Carramel's POV
I sit up from the bed, looking down beside me as James sleeps peacefully. I know I should be knocked out just the same as him but my body is just not trying to stay still. The feeling of his bare hands on my back were so tantalizing that my … almost giving me a flipping heart attack. I tried to hide it as best I could, ignoring it heavily so that it wouldn't leak into my scent. But Goddess knows that the way he kept touching me and caressing my body as sweet and nice had me wanting to arch into his hand.
All these feelings are new and my hands are fluttering about in nervousness. What if my heat is coming? Is it normal to be turned on even without your heat? I'm a mumbling mess and I sit there and look as my handsome Mate, laying my hand on his chest to smooth out the frown that had formed when I moved away from him to sit up.
Besides even if this was normal, I know James doesn't want that. The whole … intercourse thing. He thinks no one notices but I see how he flinches at contact from people he doesn't know even if they're in the pack. I see how even if it's his life long friend or especially his parents when they're in town, how his body tenses up during interaction. So far I haven't seen any of these reactions towards me but I don't want to accidentally try and kiss him only for him to push me away. My eyes water at the thought of him being upset with me. Oh moly. The memes I see is true, sexual panic is real.
I cover my mouth with my hand so that my scared whimpers don't reach the air, but it's like James can feel my distress in his sleep, his body stirring almost instantly as I start crying and shaking.
"Hey, little bean. What's wrong?" He says sleepily as he struggles to sit up. He pulls me back into his lap and curls his arms around me soothingly. I bury my head beneath his neck, curled up around my Mate, loving how he always knows how to take care of me.
His hands come up again reaching inside my shirt to rub my back and I start to panic. I try to crawl out of his lap but the stupid strong wolf won't let me.
"Carramel what's wrong? You don't want me to touch you?" He asks and the saddened tone of his voice and the way his arms around me go lax has me halting in my failed attempt to escape in embarrassment. I turn back to sit back in James' lap and look at him, bringing up my hand to physically smooth out his forehead.
"I-I-I do! But. …" I pause cheeks aflame at the thoughts running through my head. What if after this he doesn't want me anymore? What if he kicks me out of his room? James grabs my face between his hands pulling my head down into the crook of his neck and I instantly begin to feel better, not only because of the smell, but because I don't have to look at him when I know the look of disappointment that probably will be there will break my sensitive heart.
"Did I hurt you? Do something wrong?"
I shake my head rapidly, hating how scared I am to say something to defend him and just tell him the truth. I close my eyes and bury myself deep in his chest before I even think about opening my mouth. "I like it too much." I answer him, my voice feather light and smothered by his chest.
"Like what too much, bean? I don't understand." The confusion and hurt in his tone is enough to make me take a steely breath and finally answer him.
"Your t-touch. I-I like it's too much-ch." I awkwardly stumble out my cheeks burning so hot, I'm scared I popped something. James stiffens a bit and I instantly hate myself until I feel his chest shaking. Frowning I lean back slightly to see his face and I see him looking up at the ceiling trying to hold in his laughter. I gasp, slapping his chest before putting turning away from his handsome face. Stupid handsome wolf finding humor in my distress.
I feel his laughing settle down before he tries to turn me back towards him but I stay stubborn and instead decide that the wall with the Avengers poster on it is quite interesting. I almost pee my pants when James huffs out a frustrated breath only to use his strong lean body to flip us over so fast my head spins until I'm caught between the bed and his body. I feel my little friend switch beneath my jeans and my face gets tomato red as I blush and turn my head so I won't look into his eyes. He's having none of it though as one of his hands comes up to turn my head back towards him.
"I can smell it bean. All the things you want. Do you want me to give it to you?" James asks, staring down at me. His gaze is steady and inquisitive as he studies my face. I peek up in his eyes and even through all the adoration and steely resolve, I can't help but notice the slight flicker of fear at the thought of touching someone so intimately.
I go to tell him no that it's okay but he stops the words in their tracks as he brings his head down to nuzzles himself in my neck. The light growls that emit from his chest make me press my thighs together in an attempt to relieve some of the ache that's settled in my tummy. I gasp when I feel James pull my knees apart with his leg before slowly lowering his body into mine, though he keep most of the weight on his forearms which are propped up on each side of my head.
James lifts his head to look at my face again, freezing his movements before he speaks. "Do you want this pup?" He asks, and looking into his eyes, I no longer see fear, only desire and patience. That seals my answer as I give him a small shy nod.
He shoots me a quick smile before his eyes focus on my lips and he lowers himself until our lips meet in a sizzling kiss that shoots sparks up my spine. I shiver and arch into him much to my embarrassment. I try to keep my body steel on the mattress but as always my hands can't stop their nervous flutter over not knowing what to do with them. I finally steel my tiny bit of confidence and loop my tiny arms around James' muscled neck. The action spurs him into turning the exciting pecks into a deep breath stealing kiss.
I whimper as our lips love together loving how soft but firm his are against my own but my situation down south is getting harder and harder to ignore. My body begins wiggling beneath his which causes a deep breath to be heard before his lower body lowers and makes contact with mine. Shifting his hips down a little, I see stars when I feel his well endowed package come in contact with my attention seeking friend. He slowly begins to glide his hard body against mine and the moans and whimpers that leave my mouth makes me feel so dirty … and I like it.
"More." I whisper against the addicting kiss that's rocking my world. I always knew I had a high sexual urge, I popped boners like most people pop gum, but I never acted on them. Never knew it could feel like this.
I continue to squirm for more until James bites my bottom lip in permission and I grant it willingly. It's then that his slow thrust begin to get harder and faster and I'm seeing stars at the new feelings on my body. "You like that Carramel?" He whispers, pulling away so that he can see my face. Whatever he finds there has his nostrils flaring and his chest letting a snarl escape making my back arch in response.
"Yes. I like it." I agree between moans, loving the way his self control is slipping from his eyes. This is the dominance that leaks from his pours that he tries so hard to tame. And I'm loving it.
"Look at you, begging for rough treatment. And here I thought you were an innocent little bean." For some reason, the words I had been terrified to hear only make me moan in response to the half smirk on James' face. My face blushes a deep red. James is talking crap to me. Talking dirty. And I. … I like it.
I feel a tightening and abdomen that have me covering my mouth to muffle a loud moan. The growls and groans coming from James as his eyes roll only fueling on my orgasm.
"Look at you. Acting like a little slutty bean for me." He accuses and that the last thing I hear before my orgasm is torn out of my body, spattering inside my underwear and jeans much to my humiliation. I'm riding on my orgasm as James grunts and continues his thrust a couple more time before he hides his face in my neck to mask his howl. His package is so big and hard I can feel it twitch as his orgasm ruins his pants as well.
James rolls off of me and pulls me to his chest as I take in deep shuttering breaths and my hands tap against his chest, slowing down as my heart begins to slow as well.
"Tell me, whatever it is, wherever we are. It's my job to take care of you. Not just mentally and emotionally but physically as well." James tells me making sure to look me in the eyes as he did so. I nod my head solemnly, feeling embarrassed for overthinking such a small thing when it comes to Mates. As we close our eyes to take a nap together I can't help but feel guilty.
Because I saw the shadow of fear and sadness on his eyes.