Carramel's POV
I stare at my ceiling as the sun rises, the pale light kissing its way across room as the day begins. I haven't gotten more than lick of sleep all night, but I'm used to it by now. I turn on my side, my curly hair matted and tangled after a long restless night but I could care less. How can I with how messed up my mind is?
It's been two days since James took me to the Café. Five days until my birthday and I managed to have a crush on the Alpha on my pack. The man showed me an ounce of kindness, no, a pinch, and my little omega heart fell for him just like that. Pitiful.
I feel my wolf trying to push forward, like he always does when I'm upset. But of course I don't let him. It's his fault I'm so weak and pitiful anyway. The little shy weak wolf that everyone looks at as their clumsy. Disgusting.
Though I can barely see without my glasses, I know that the time on my alarm clock is close to 7 and that I need to get up to get ready for school.
School has been a freaking disaster. Alpha James seems to be everywhere I go. He's there between classes, popping up during lunch, waving at the café, and even wandering into my dreams. Seeing him, smelling him and feeling him in my dreams makes the already difficult task of avoiding him so much harder to pull off.
The sigh that escapes my body as I rise out of bed comes from my soul. I feel like a piece is missing from me. And though I know it's stupid and just wishful thinking, I can't help but hope that maybe just maybe, the Alpha likes me back and he ends up being my Mate. I scoff as I shuffle my feet against the cold floor of my room, dragging myself to the bathroom before shutting the door behind me. I ignore the body in the mirror undressing, choosing not to remind myself of the failure that I am.
He's my Alpha. He's in a relationship with Jessica, one of the prettiest girls in school. His mate will be some pretty, strong she-wolf that will make him proud and happy. Not some scrawny disappointment that wasn't even there when his own family died.
I push my thoughts away, disgusted at myself once again for the events that took place all those years ago. I step into the shower tiredly, letting the water wash over me. I don't notice the temperature, too caught up in my mind to care, but once I step out I notice my skin is beet red. From the heat or cold I'm not sure. I'm not entirely sure I care either. I sigh, drying off my body and grab my glasses, stepping into the room just in time to hear a steady knock at my door. I think about ignoring it, but since it could be one of the other omegas who may need help during their heat, I decide to open it. My jaw darn near drops on to the ground, and my towel almost follows when I see Alpha James at my door. My slack hands almost let go of my towel but I'm able to catch it just in time before I embarrass myself any further.
I'm full blown panicking, I mean, my whole room could be on fire and I wouldn't be able to tell, too caught up in wondering if there's soap caught in my eyebrows that I didn't manage to wash away.
"Good morning, Carramel." James greets, and holy ham hocks the man has no right to sound so fine so early in the morning. His long, tight muscled body is not helping my mind behave in the slightest. I mentally scold myself, but the words fall to deaf ears when he shifts on his feet and a slim patch of skin is shown as his t-shift rises up. I quickly advert my eyes to the floor, too ashamed and scared to look at his face, somehow knowing the expression of pure disgust that would reside there.
"Good morning, Alpha." I respond meekly. I try to sound upbeat, but even a deaf person would be able to hear the sadness in my voice and as much as I hate it, I also know there's nothing I can do about it.
"I thought we both agreed that formalities weren't needed between us." Though his voice is happy, there's a strain to it, probably my lack of clothing, the exposed skin of my scrawny body probably making him uncomfortable. "Are you okay, Carramel?" My sour expression freezing on my face, not sure how to answer the stupid question, though rationally I know he doesn't mean it in a teasing way.
"Old habits, die hard." I say, referring to his first statement and ignoring his question entirely. I try to ease his mind by presenting him with a quick look in his eyes and a strained smile, but I'm not sure it worked, to be completely honest.
"Well, I wanted to come and speak to you. Is it okay if I come in?" Though it's spoken as a question, he's my Alpha, so as much as I wish I could scream no and hide behind my closed door, I open it wider instead and nod my head solemnly. Much to my surprise however, he doesn't move an inch. "I don't have to, Carramel. If it makes you uncomfortable I can just walk you to school and speak to you on the way instead. I'll be downstairs, you can come down whenever you're ready."
My head snaps up in a heartbeat, my mind confused on what just happened. Though no one in our pack abuses the omegas, some often walk all over us, though I know it's unintentional and probably accidentally in almost all cases, many dominant and even neutral wolves forget to ask us what we're okay with. Our timid and shy nature often stops us from speaking up for ourselves which probably doesn't help matters. But of course, James would have to be the one to be so considerate and perfect, almost enough for me to call back to his retreating figure and welcome him in but I don't. Instead I shut the door, hurriedly dropping my towel so I don't keep him waiting.
I quickly grab some pale pink boxer briefs admiring the pastel color on my naturally tan skin before tugging on my jeans and a t-shirt. I scurry around looking for my Toms that I just kicked off last night. I find one playing peek-a-boo under my bed and the other laying within a heap of last nights clothes. Hopping around on alternating feet, I manage to slip on my shoes without falling flat on my face. A miracle within itself, I might add. I'm quick to race to the bathroom, making light work of brushing my teeth, before spritzing body mist unique to my scent and grabbing my cherry chapstick from the counter. Finally dressed and semi presentable, I grab my back pack and make my way calmly down the stairs of the pack house as if every wolf in a five mile radius can't hear my heart pounding a mile a minute.
Once I reach the end of the stairs, I look around the open living room for James but he's no where to be found. I keep my cool as I check the game room the kitchen and the den before giving up. I guess he got tired of waiting and decided to go without me. I slowly head out the door, hating how upset I feel and slightly upset at the oblivious Alpha for getting my hopes up unnecessarily.
As I shut the door, checking to make sure I have my key, I almost jump out of my skin as I turn around and find a smiling Alpha leaning against the tree in front of the house waiting patiently. I can't fight the blush that floats its way into my cheeks as I make my way slowly towards him, feeling stupid for over reacting the way I did.
"Hi." I greet quietly, wishing there was a way to apologize to him without him knowing exactly what I'm apologizing for. "Sorry for taking so long." There. That sounds decent. He shakes his head with a quiet smile, those who didn't pay attention would say the smile was actually a cocky smirk but I know better. I pay attention. My cheeks flare up even worse at the thought but I'm soon distracted by his calm strong voice.
"I'm in no rush at all. I'm actually surprised you came down as fast as you did. I would've taken an hour to find my shoes alone." I could suppress the giggle that escaped me if I tried and the answering lopsided grin I get in return makes me glad I didn't. I quickly look away keeping my eyes lowered to the ground, terrified that if he looks in my eyes too long, he might see everything I'm hiding there.
I hear him sigh, sadly as if something is bothering him deeply, but before I can ask, he begins walking slowly in the direction of the school, my small legs scrambling to follow. We walk in a comfortable silence for a couple minutes before he opens his mouth again to speak.
"I wanted to apologize to you for the other day." I snap my head up in confusion turning my head slightly in his direction to study his face. My neck would get whiplash from all the surprises presented to me this morning.
"The other day? What happened the other day?" I ask, hoping he doesn't take my oblivious nature as dismissive.
"With Jessica. I'm sorry she barged in on our ..." Before he can finish, I interrupt him, not wanting him to see me as some needy boy that was mad over his girlfriend interrupting, whether or not it's accurate. Which it is.
"Oh it's fine. You deserve to spend time with your girlfriend, I wouldn't want to impose on that any how." I explain, jaw tight, body cringing at the discomfort the words spread in my chest.
James chuckles, the sound momentarily distracting me from the conversation. " I broke up with Jessica a week ago, Carramel. If anything she was imposing on us." I stare up at him confused, admittedly blinded by his sparkling eyes. Geez, this man is just building a resume for himself like he didn't already get the job.
"I'm sorry, that must have been terrible!" I say sympathetically lying through my teeth. He laughs again clearly amused.
"No need to lie, Carramel." He says sending me a cheeky grin we cross the last street leading to the school. "I'm just as relieved as you are." The last sentence has me pausing outside the doors, a furious blush working its way from my freaking chest all the way up to my ears, but before I can deny it, Alpha freaking James plants a firm kiss on my forehead after lifting my chin up and leaves me with a over the shoulder grin and a wink before disappearing inside.
Well if I didn't like him before, I sure as heck do now.