I was hopping around with glee as I heard the thunderclaps. It's raining, I exclaimed joyfully. Since, back in the Middle East, Saudi Arabia, it rarely rains. It used to rain almost once a year in Jeddah, where we used to live. My adoration for rain was deep and abiding. Mommy, I'm going downstairs to take a rain shower, I said, excitedly. My younger brother expressed his desire to accompany me. Make sure to look after your little brothers, said mother to my elder brother, and be careful and stay inside the premises, said mother. She was just as excited as I was because she, too, enjoyed the rain.
I ran downstairs, jumping and chanting, and for a while we enjoyed the rain showers and the lightning strike. The thunderous clap of the lightning sent shivers down my spine. With fear, I covered my face with my hands. Mother yelled up from the balcony, "Come back right away!" As the rain became a storm. The dark sky appeared agitated and angry. It almost appeared as if the sky was out of control and roaring above our heads. I was terrified that the lightning would strike me next. As the excitement turned to thrilling fear, I ran back with my brothers.
It's raining hard, so stay inside, said my mother, but we wanted to play outside, and our friends were waiting for us in the playground, cried my younger brother. You're not going outside. The weather is seen to be hazardous. And don't worry about your friends; I just spoke with their mother, and she will not let them out either. To calm my younger brother, my mother said, "Let it settle and then you can go."
The rain and thunder continued until late at night, and our plans for a get-together with friends were ruined because we had school the next day.
We were three brothers back then, with a year difference in age, and our friends lived next door. We used to go to the same school, which was across the street, and we used to walk home together. Our mothers were also best friends. Leah, one of our cousins, lived a long distance away and was the only female in our friend circle. On weekends, we used to sleep over at each other's houses, and mothers used to throw lovely kitty parties.
We had resettled to the Middle East, away from our home country. Mothers used to miss their families terribly because it was difficult to communicate with them in the early 1990s. As a result, we were all inextricably linked, much like family members.
My paternal grandparents had also settled here and lived a short distance away from our home. We didn't like going there because their house was haunted, but it was a requirement that we spend the weekend with grandparents. My father was born in Saudi Arabia and raised there. After their marriage, their mother travelled all the way from Asia. Despite the fact that it was an arranged marriage, they all decided to live separately for various reasons. As a matter of duty and responsibility, father used to make every effort to care for his parents.
It was just another day when I was walking home from school with my friend Zee. He asked me to speak with his mother and persuade her to let him stay at our house when she came for a visit in the evening. I was overjoyed because we used to have a lot of fun spending nights together. We used to stay up late watching movies or telling scary stories. The best days of my childhood, however, I didn't expect the shadow of anxiety, panic, and fear to quickly overtake me.
The same evening, my friend arrived with his mother, aunt Nayer, as the doorbell rang and I dashed to open it. When I opened it and said hello to aunty, and Zee made little eye contact, I realized it was a reminder to talk to his mother about letting him stay at my place for the weekend. I laughed and said, "All right, hop in first!" Mother greeted them politely and had already prepared high tea. Aunty, could you please allow Zee to stay back at our place, I asked humbly?
She said she figured it out earlier, when you two were making funny eye contact at the door. Mother and aunt burst out laughing. My friend Zee became concerned when she said, "Let's see, I'm not sure," implying that she would not allow him to stay.
Come on, Zee, let's go outside, it's time to play! Let's go, I said. Be cautious and do not leave the premises; return before dark, said the mother. Zee and his younger brother, as well as my brothers, dashed downstairs in excitement. You should've forced my mother to let me stay; I think she won't let me stay, Zee said as he walked downstairs, with a crying face. Don't worry, I'm not going to let you go home today. Really? Zee hugged me tightly and said, "You're my best friend ever." I told him I felt the same way about him.
We were playing basketball in the building's playing area when a man appeared outside the main gate. As he knocked, knocked, and knocked on the door, my friend and I flung to open it. Is anyone there? I inquired! He didn't say anything. And he kept knocking. Let's open the door and see who's there, Zee speculated!
As soon as I opened the door, he stepped inside and asked for the building keeper. I really need to speak with the building manager. Can you tell me where I can find him, he politely inquired? I, being a nice kid, directed him to the keeper's room at the back of the building. We asked him to go check on his own, but he insisted on accompanying me because he didn't know the way.
Zee bolted when my brothers asked us to accompany them to a nearby store to pick up some junk food. Instead, I stayed and assisted the man in finding the keeper's room. He complimented me on being a good kid.
I walked with him to the keeper's room, which looked eerie and dark because I never went there. I knocked three times on the door and the keeper appeared to be unavailable. I told him politely that he wasn't there. You can comeback sometime later time to check on him. The guy just stared at me and didn't say anything. He gave me an odd smile. Excuse me, are you paying attention? I said it loudly because I was extremely uncomfortable, and he didn't respond and kept smiling.
I tried to run back, completely perplexed. Where are you going? He stated as he groped me from behind. Let's be pals! I almost died when he slammed me on the floor because I couldn't scream or shout because he choked my mouth with the strongest grip I'd ever felt. He began unbuttoning my shorts. My heartbeat skipped with fear as I kicked him in the throat and tried to run as fast as I could while crying and buttoning up my shorts. He yelled from the back, "Come back here!" My heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest at that point! Unfortunately, there was no one nearby who could save me from this devil.
I ran inside the building as that idiot chased after me. As I was running up the stairs to my apartment on the second floor, he jumped and grabbed my foot. His grip was so tight that I couldn't move; having complete control over me, he tried to unbutton my shorts again while I screamed at the top of my lungs.
Oh my goodness! He screamed angrily, "You scream so loud!" I yelled even louder. As he tightened his grip on my legs in order to avoid being kicked again. I couldn't move a single muscle. Keep your mouth shut, you little bitch! He slapped my face angrily as he said this. I burst out laughing. After hearing the screams, my mother dashed in. When he noticed someone coming from upstairs, he bolted and exclaimed, "You scream like women," with the weirdest smile ever. Never before have had I heard a child scream so loudly he stated as he ran away!
Mother and aunt came running as I ran towards Mom, hugged her, and sobbed uncontrollably, who was there? What transpired? My mother inquired, her breathing heavily. I was too traumatized to say anything. Knowing that my mother is the most sensitive person on the planet, I chose not to say anything. I was also embarrassed because I noticed how my mother and aunt were crying and freaked out when they heard me screaming. When my brothers and Zee returned from the store, they inquired as to what was going on.
What were you doing? Aunty exclaimed outrageously! Didn't we tell you not to leave the premises? And why did you leave Isa?
When a man repeatedly knocked on the main gate, we opened the door to see who was there. As he asked us to show him the keeper's room, Isa accompanied him to show him the way while the rest of us went to a nearby store to buy some chocolates. We are deeply sorry, mother, but what happened to cause you to cry? And why are you all standing in the middle of the stairs, Zee inquired?
Someone was bothering him, so he screamed! Aunt said! Oh, it's got to be the same guy! When I saw his awkwardly smiling face, I was terrified. You should not have followed him. Zee stated.
Next time, none of you are allowed to entertain any stranger, said Aunt sternly! Come on, Zaheda, let's go home, aunt said to my mother! As my mother hugged me and tried to keep me calm, she was crying as well.
We walked up to our house while I shivered. Aunt Nayer told mum not to let me out by myself for a couple of days. We must be cautious of all of them, as these terrifying cases appear to be on the rise. Mother told aunt Nayer, "I'm terrified sister." We must also notify the police. Yes, you should definitely report it as soon as possible. All I have to do now is wait for his father to arrive. We'll go to the police station as soon as he arrives. But Isa is clearly traumatized, and he doesn't seem to want to talk about it. He simply isn't saying anything about it. And the police will undoubtedly investigate him to learn the full extent of the situation. Mother sobbed.
I had developed a fever as a result of the trauma by the time dad arrived home. Aunt had left by that point because it was late, and the plans for overnight stays had all been ruined.
Mother discussed the situation with dad, and instead of taking me to the police station, they had to take me to the hospital due to a significant rise in temperature. I should not have sent you out today at all, worried parents rushed to the hospital. It's all my fault, my mother exclaimed. Calm down, Zaheda, my father advised. It's not your fault in the least.
What was the guy up to with him? What exactly were his intentions? I haven't figured it out yet, said father angrily. How dangerous this society has become. If I see that jerk around my property again, I'm not going to spare him, said father angrily! We will notify the police as soon as possible. We must ensure that he recovers quickly.
That night was the most terrifying for me, as my fear of ghosts jumped to number two. Men were the ones I feared the most.
I had no idea I was going to be raped as a child. What is the definition of rape? I had no idea why the guy was attempting to remove my pants. All I knew was that no one was allowed to touch my body, undress me, or even see me naked. I was taken aback. I'm having nightmares about him trying to undress me. Even with my mother beside me, I couldn't sleep soundly. I used to sleep holding her hand.
My parents returned to the police station the next day, having completed all of their investigations. They suggested keeping an eye on the children while they're out or not allowing them to go out because street crime is on the rise and we're doing everything we can to keep a lid on it.
Days passed, and my fear grew, as I used to be afraid to go out and play with my friends. I missed playing freely with them outside. I was struggling to be strong enough without being labelled as girlish or shy for remaining indoors the entire time. Even if my friends forced me to go out, I would prefer to stay at home with my mother.
As everyone does, I loved my mother a little more than usual. As she was pregnant with her fourth child and usually felt low and weak, I used to help her clean or cook. I had no idea why Mum was sick at the time. Or what pregnancy is, as parents in our culture do not disclose or share such sensitive matters with their children. However, I used to see my mother struggle to handle a lot of things on her own. I used to help her because it made me happy.