Everything and everyone are doomed.
You, your family, your loved ones, the one you love; every single person on this planet is going to die one day.
Except one or more of them had kids before they died. Yet soon, those kids, their families, the loved ones they have, the ones they love; every single person next generation will die one day. Except one or more of those of the next generation had kids before they died. Yet soon, those kids, their families, the loved ones they have, the ones they love— you get the point.
So, how important is your life to you?
How important is it to you, the one who is living the today, that you live through tomorrow to tell the tale? Will you tell your tale? Will you tell your story?
How much of your life will you tell? Where will you tell it? How do you want your life to be perceived?
I started today with nothing in mind. And here I am ending it with two names, the one I love and the one I used to love.
In life, such complications will always occur. It's not a matter of whom you choose, but a matter of whom you want to be. Do you want to be the one that stayed loyal and faithful? Or the one that gave in to his emotions and feelings, and cheated?
My answer, obviously, is to stay. No matter how much I would prefer the one I used to love tonight, I know that tomorrow and the days after that, I would prefer the one I love today, and that I will regret my decision and would not be able to handle the consequences of my actions. I can hide it all I want, I can make things as secret as I want it to be, but… how long will the untold remain untold? How long will the unseen remain unseen? And most importantly, who am I to even think that the person I used to love has little to no dignity to agree with this arrangement with me?
On all sides, I'm the asshole. In all eyes, I am the one who has no dignity.
Tonight, I am drowned with overflowing lust, but I choose lonely tonight. I am ending today with two names, the one I love and the one I used to love. Tomorrow, I will start it with only one, the one I truly care about.
...
But is that really the end of this thought? What about tomorrow night? Will I have to choose once again about whom of both will I succumb to? Will tomorrow night feel any different? Will tomorrow night bring more answers? or questions?
What if tomorrow, that overwhelming lust becomes too much to handle?
What if tomorrow, I will fall in lust over a picture of a beautiful person? Will I be able to keep my senses and choose the sensible option and NOT CHEAT?
Is that even a valid question?
Or are these thoughts just intrusive thoughts? Thoughts that don't belong to you, thoughts that seem so random yet you know are also true, thoughts that you know come from somewhere no matter how much you doubt it. They appear inside the void of your mind, in the once calm and the once faithful. Thoughts of sinning against your heart or is it really just your heart speaking out its voice?
Will tomorrow be better? Or will it turn for the worse? Because you know it will, you know that if you continue down this rabbit hole that it will turn for the worse. Are these thoughts truly not your own or are they coming from the depths of your mind?
Is it really the feeling of lust or is it that lost feeling of love has finally been found?
How much more self-reflection will it take for these thoughts to truly go away? Life was peaceful hours before but now the peace has gone away.
I have a much simpler question, which of the heavenly bodies is much more beautiful? The Sun or the stars?
The stars— they sparkle in the darkest night. The stars— they twinkle in the peaceful sky. The stars that guide when you were lost and the stars that showed you the light?
Or is it the Sun who gave you life? The Sun who gave you warmth? The Sun you know will always be there for the morning, waiting to come? The Sun who rises, signals hope, that lets you see the blue-dyed skies. The Sun that sets and gives you rest, and leaves you to Moonlight's cares.
It is the Sun of course, as it is the reason you have air to breathe. But is it ever so simple when you know the stars, if close enough, can do that, too? The stars that you know, if only they were near, will light up the day for you.
And of course, there it is, the desperation of this stranger, to hold on to his morals and decisions. For if the stars were gone in the skies tonight, the Sun will still remain. Even when hidden behind the clouds, the Sun will give you warmth. Even in my worst, the Sun will rise even in my pain. Even when the night has taken my hope, I know that the Sun will rise again. And that because of the Sun, there is a blue sky waiting for me tomorrow.
If only life were easy, but are we really living if we only ever win?
How boring must my story be if life didn't thwart my way to good days? How boring must life be if no pain will remind me how precious my one and only beating heart.
Everyone is doomed, and everything we've ever done will be overshadowed by the humongous wave that is time. For indeed, time is a wave on the shore: it mostly goes forwards, and then back after it reaches the furthest. Sometimes, when it tries and reaches once more, it wouldn't go as far. And yet also, sometimes, once we move one, we can go further than we've ever won.
How much I say and how much I will include, I can never know. Yet this is my proof of existence, the only evidence that I ever lived. This choice tonight will define not who I chose to love, but who I chose to be.
I started today with nothing in mind. And here I am ending it with two names, the one I love and the one I used to love. Yet despite my worries for tomorrow, my choice tonight remains the same.
And I will choose lonely tonight, for I know tomorrow, the Sun will rise again, and that is always good.