Nowadays, the definition of dating and being in a relationship has become quite obscure and has honestly been quite frustrating to think about as well. On one hand, you've been talking daily for days now, weeks, months, and sometimes even years; on the other hand, you aren't really official. Both parties may be aware that one of them likes the other, or that both of them like each other. And yet the absence of the modern "label", or simply that mutual agreement that you are in fact in a relationship, is what's ruining our capacity to get past the trouble of moving on once one of you decides to, eventually, stop replying. The fact that you've never even been in a relationship, to begin with, is a good way to deny the fact that you were once totally in love but is also a very detrimental way of looking at things.
I often hear people say that they have never been in a relationship before and yet I've known them to have dated multiple people in just one year. The problem isn't the label, but that we're in denial there has ever been one in the first place.
That is what's making it hard for the modern person to move on and move forward, the fact that just because there was no label, that then, therefore, it never even happened.
One good thing about relationship maturity is the relationship awareness that comes along with it. To know where you stand in a relationship is to know where to walk forward too. It is therefore important to develop this kind of maturity, one that seeks to understand rather than to be understood. This is because just as YOU want to be understood, you can be sure that the other person will want to be understood as well. And to develop a deep relationship with someone, whether it be a friendship or partnership in life, requires both parties to understand each other. This isn't grasped just by knowing the details of each other's lives, but using that to peek into what kind of person the other party is. To know how a person will react to certain things, to know what a person likes or dislikes, to know whether or not this person will agree or disagree on certain ideas, that is what it takes to understand a person. That is what I believe takes to love a person.
And yet one can also be as understanding as they can, being able to understand the other person just as much as they themselves can, but sometimes it just doesn't end where both parties understand each other. The person you think can provide you the kind of love you want may not be able to respond to your calls, as they require a different kind of love from you. Perhaps to you, it was revealed to be romantic; and yet to them, it was only ever the platonic kind of love.
And that's fine, too.
That's fine, too, so long as you know where you stand in the relationship. Sometimes, you just have to understand that the person you love so much... doesn't love you as much.
And as much as that angers you, as much as that infuriates you, you just have to understand— you have to, you must, or else you will end up more hurt than you need to be. You have to understand that life just doesn't work that way and that your relationship with that person will have to change.
In the same way, if you are dating someone and you believe that you only love them platonically, that you'd rather have them as a friend than as a lover, then you have to understand that being nice to them isn't good for them. One way or another, your relationship with that person will have to change as well. Every time you speak to them, every time you care for them; you might think that you are only caring for them as a friend but every time you do that, you are only giving them this false sense of hope that maybe you'd love them just as they love you. Maybe, by doing things and making the effort, you'd fall in love with them and you'd be able to love them romantically.
Sometimes, you just have to be harsh to do the kindest thing.
And I'm thankful that I have been treated harshly, for God knows how much that helped me move on. A few months later, and we are still friends. We talk from time to time, not too much, hardly even once a month, but that intimate closeness we've had before is very hard to bring back— not that I even want to. To think that I once spent years with a person I loved but wasn't loved back, and yet they tried their best to love me... I know how much of a nice person they were and that was just what they would do if it happened to someone else other than me. That hurt us both than it ever needed to. And yet I think, now that we both learned our lesson, we could finally start having a genuine friendship instead. Slowly, of course.
I am in a happy relationship with my current significant other, and I would never trade this for something else. But at the same time, I'm glad that we happened. I was thankful for the lessons she made me learn, and she told me she was thankful for the happy moments we both created in our time.
What I think the key to modern relationships is, that "dating without a label", is really just understanding. The capacity to understand that you both play a role in your life and that role can change any time, and you just have to understand that and move on as best as you can. Sometimes that means becoming harsh to display kindness, and sometimes that means that you just have to learn to be happy with what you have left.
In pursuit of happiness, we must be prepared to understand that sometimes, our happy place is just a little bit farther more. You just have to walk a few more steps forward, even if that means leaving certain things behind.
In pursuit of happiness, we must walk forward.
"Thank you for making me happy, at least."
Thank you, too.