It all started when our hyphen-happy protagonist, Dixle Normous, woke up in a magical cornfield. It was the second time it had happened. Feeling exceedingly displeased, Dixle Normous poked a gerbil, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, he realized that his beloved Holy Grail was missing! Immediately he called his former lay, Mike Koch. Dixle Normous had known Mike Koch for (plus or minus) 2,000 years, the majority of which were striking ones. Mike Koch was unique. He was outgoing though sometimes a little... selfish. Dixle Normous called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Mike Koch picked up to a very angry Dixle Normous. Mike Koch calmly assured him that most albino cats panic before mating, yet man-eating capybaras usually exotically belch *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Dixle Normous. Why was Mike Koch trying to distract Dixle Normous? Because he had snuck out from Dixle Normous's with the Holy Grail only four days prior. It was a sassy little Holy Grail... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Dixle Normous got back to the subject at hand: his Holy Grail. Mike Koch turned red. Relunctantly, Mike Koch invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Holy Grail. Dixle Normous grabbed his rhinocerus and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Mike Koch realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Holy Grail and he had to do it skillfully. He figured that if Dixle Normous took the homemade car, he had take at least five minutes before Dixle Normous would get there. But if he took the Lesta? Then Mike Koch would be abnormally screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Mike Koch was interrupted by three selfish Dragons that were lured by his Holy Grail. Mike Koch turned red; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling puzzled, he skillfully reached for his ripened avocado and aptly deflowered every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the foxy forest, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Lesta rolling up. It was Dixle Normous.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Texaco to pick up a 12-pack of bananas, so he knew he was running late. With a hasty leap, Dixle Normous was out of the Lesta and went wildly jaunting toward Mike Koch's front door. Meanwhile inside, Mike Koch was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Holy Grail into a box of bananas and then slid the box behind his rhinocerus. Mike Koch was exasperated but at least the Holy Grail was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Mike Koch explosively purred. With a quick push, Dixle Normous opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some abrasive flaming idiot in a spaceship,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Mike Koch assured him. Dixle Normous took a seat hilariously close to where Mike Koch had hidden the Holy Grail. Mike Koch belched trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Dixle Normous was distracted. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, Mike Koch noticed a pestering look on Dixle Normous's face. Dixle Normous slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Mike Koch felt a stabbing pain in his double chin when Dixle Normous asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Holy Grail right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A clueless look started to form on Dixle Normous's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's wolverines from when she used to have pet South American hissing sloths. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Dixle Normous nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Mike Koch could react, Dixle Normous thoughtfully lunged toward the box and opened it. The Holy Grail was plainly in view.
Dixle Normous stared at Mike Koch for what what must've been eight seconds. Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, Mike Koch groped charismatically in Dixle Normous's direction, clearly desperate. Dixle Normous grabbed the Holy Grail and bolted for the door. It was locked. Mike Koch let out a sassy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Dixle Normous,' he rebuked. Mike Koch always had been a little abrasive, so Dixle Normous knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Mike Koch did something crazy, like... start chucking wolverines at him or something. Ever so extemperaneously, he gripped his Holy Grail tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Mike Koch looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Dixle Normous. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame eight days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Dixle Normous. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Mike Koch walked over to the window and looked down. Dixle Normous was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Dixle Normous was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Mike Koch's place. Dixle Normous had severely hurt his love handle during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Dragons suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Holy Grail. One by one they latched on to Dixle Normous. Already weakened from his injury, Dixle Normous yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Dragons running off with his Holy Grail.
But then God came down with His ingenious smile and restored Dixle Normous's Holy Grail. Feeling stunned, God smote the Dragons for their injustice. Then He got in His magic flying carpet and bolted away with the fortitude of 200,000 disease-carrying chipmunks running from a enormous pack of long-haired sea monkeys. Dixle Normous skipped with joy when he saw this. His Holy Grail was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in three minutes his favorite TV show, Contest of Seats, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When man-eating capybaras meet rusty razor blade'). Dixle Normous was contented. And so, everyone except Mike Koch and a few bloody glove-toting Indonesian devil cats lived blissfully happy, forever after.