Triple Digits. Wow.
It all started when our antagonizing protagonist, Dixle Normous, woke up in a bush. It was the ninth time it had happened. Feeling abundantly stunned, Dixle Normous grabbed a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he realized that his beloved Holy Grail was missing! Immediately he called his bed-friend, Mike Koch. Dixle Normous had known Mike Koch for (plus or minus) 200,000 years, the majority of which were saucy ones. Mike Koch was unique. He was ingenious though sometimes a little... abrasive. Dixle Normous called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Mike Koch picked up to a very happy Dixle Normous. Mike Koch calmly assured him that most legless puppies belch before mating, yet legless puppies usually explosively shudder *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Dixle Normous. Why was Mike Koch trying to distract Dixle Normous? Because he had snuck out from Dixle Normous's with the Holy Grail only ten days prior. It was a sassy little Holy Grail... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Dixle Normous got back to the subject at hand: his Holy Grail. Mike Koch sighed. Relunctantly, Mike Koch invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Holy Grail. Dixle Normous grabbed his rhinocerus and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Mike Koch realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Holy Grail and he had to do it carefully. He figured that if Dixle Normous took the tricycle, he had take at least six minutes before Dixle Normous would get there. But if he took the Lesta? Then Mike Koch would be alarmingly screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Mike Koch was interrupted by seven stupid Dragons that were lured by his Holy Grail. Mike Koch yawned; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling angered, he thoughtfully reached for his carrot and recklessly grabbed every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the lemur-infested moor, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Lesta rolling up. It was Dixle Normous.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Wal-Mart to pick up a 12-pack of carrots, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Dixle Normous was out of the Lesta and went earnestly jaunting toward Mike Koch's front door. Meanwhile inside, Mike Koch was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Holy Grail into a box of ripened avocados and then slid the box behind his rhinocerus. Mike Koch was displeased but at least the Holy Grail was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Mike Koch indiscriminately purred. With a mighty push, Dixle Normous opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some selfish flaming idiot in a pimp fresh, candy-painted 'Lac,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Mike Koch assured him. Dixle Normous took a seat hilariously close to where Mike Koch had hidden the Holy Grail. Mike Koch belched trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Dixle Normous was distracted. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, Mike Koch noticed a abrasive look on Dixle Normous's face. Dixle Normous slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Mike Koch felt a stabbing pain in his love handle when Dixle Normous asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Holy Grail right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A selfish look started to form on Dixle Normous's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's gerbils from when she used to have pet venomous koalas. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Dixle Normous nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Mike Koch could react, Dixle Normous aptly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Holy Grail was plainly in view.
Dixle Normous stared at Mike Koch for what what must've been nine days. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, Mike Koch groped earnestly in Dixle Normous's direction, clearly desperate. Dixle Normous grabbed the Holy Grail and bolted for the door. It was locked. Mike Koch let out a striking chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Dixle Normous,' he rebuked. Mike Koch always had been a little dimwitted, so Dixle Normous knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Mike Koch did something crazy, like... start chucking potatos at him or something. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, he gripped his Holy Grail tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Mike Koch looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Dixle Normous. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame two days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Dixle Normous. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Mike Koch walked over to the window and looked down. Dixle Normous was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Dixle Normous was struggling to make his way through the fanstic pumpkin patch behind Mike Koch's place. Dixle Normous had severely hurt his prostate during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Dragons suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Holy Grail. One by one they latched on to Dixle Normous. Already weakened from his injury, Dixle Normous yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Dragons running off with his Holy Grail.
But then God came down with His intelligent smile and restored Dixle Normous's Holy Grail. Feeling pleased, God smote the Dragons for their injustice. Then He got in His homemade car and whizzed away with the fortitude of 153 long-haired sea monkeys running from a oversized pack of spotted wolf hamsters. Dixle Normous shimmied with joy when he saw this. His Holy Grail was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in seven minutes his favorite TV show, Contest of Seats, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When spotted wolf hamsters meet pipe bomb'). Dixle Normous was thrilled. And so, everyone except Mike Koch and a few pipe bomb-toting 3-legged wallabies lived blissfully happy, forever after.