"Sorry, I don't think I deserve you…."
It has been a month since Irfan was still pensive thinking about the answer given by the woman he coveted.
Words like that aren't often used to reject someone in a gentle way?
That's what Iffah did to Irfan.
Why does Iffah reject someone's good intentions, which for some women, Irfan is the ideal man?
Is Irfan ugly?
Not! Instead, he has a clean white face and an ideal height.
Is Irfan not smart?
Wrong! In fact, he became one of the best graduates on campus.
How's the religion?
Persistent! Often he became a priest in a prayer room near his house.
Then, what else? What is the reason for Iffah rejects Irfan?
Could it be that Irfan's modest family status was taken into consideration?
If this is the root of the problem, then it is true. Irfan is not from a rich family.
Even if that is the reason, Irfan feels that this world is unfair. Why is the material used as the main parameter of an answer? Are there no more important considerations than that?
Irfan is still thinking about the possibilities. He still couldn't believe that she had rejected him without giving a reason.
"Forget it Iffah!"
What Awi said to Irfan was not as easy as verbal speech. It has been 5 years since Irfan liked Iffah, even at that time he was still in school. Irfan secretly inserted a prayer for Iffah, hoping that Allah would bring him closer to the woman he liked.
Irfan admits that Iffah is actually a good woman. Doesn't like to chat a lot with men who are not her mahram. Her aurat is covered with a perfect veil.
How can Irfan forget Iffah?
For Irfan, Iffah is a dream. Her friends also admit that Iffah is an angel who got lost in the world. Her face is beautiful, white, her smile is sweet, she speaks politely, even though she is given such a great gift, she chooses to be a foreign woman, doesn't like to show off photos on social media.
"He's beautiful, maybe a lot of people like it!"
Awi spoke again to Irfan. Irfan still has a hard time accepting it. Irfan is sure that Iffah is a woman who takes good care of herself. Although he doesn't see her often, doesn't get to chat with her often, Irfan knows from Iffah's female friends. Iffah refuses to be seduced, the crocodiles prey on her.
Don't Irfan and Iffah have something in common?
If this is the case with Iffah, even with Irfan who has been trying to take care of himself until now, it is not easy to say love to women, to speak firmly when chatting with women. Then what else went wrong?
Irfan pondered again, remembering a month ago when he was at Iffah's house. Mrs. Aisyah, Iffah's mother was shocked when Iffah rejected Irfan's proposal. Her mother kept questioning the decisions made by her only puppet daughter.
Does Iffah not want to think about it before rejecting it?
Repeatedly Bu Aisyah conveyed her views to Iffah. He said that Irfan was a good man, responsible, not fickle, meaning he had principles. If he dares to come to this house, it means that he is serious about Iffah.
Nonetheless!
Iffah shook her head. Iffah doesn't talk much. There was no reason for refusal that came out of his mouth, except for that one sentence that was said.
Bu Aisyah again reminded her daughter to think clearly. It is better to istikhara first than to decide something rashly. He didn't want anything to happen to his daughter.
Irfan is a pious man, son!
Iffah was silent listening to her mother's explanation. Mrs. Aisyah still hopes that her daughter will take back her words. Isn't there a pious man who comes to a woman's family for good intentions, then there is no reason not to accept it?
Iffah is still silent. After that leave the conversation.
Now, Irfan's hopes of marrying Iffah have failed. Irfan's heart went wild. Irfan is aware that as a good Muslim, he must be able to accept everything that is destiny.
Be patient!
Irfan has tried to be patient. Still he couldn't lie if his heart was still hurting. His heart was like a glass that fell to the floor. Broken! Hard to fix.
How about Iffah?
Irfan did not know what Iffah's condition was after that. Maybe Iffah doesn't care about Irfan anymore. There is not even the slightest place in his heart for Irfan.
"Maybe Iffah already has a man she likes!"
Awi spoke again. Is that true? If so, why is Iffah not honest with Irfan?
Does Iffah doubt that the reason could make Irfan sicker?
Precisely with an answer without a reason causes Irfan's heart to be uncertain. It felt like it was pumping, it felt up and down. Sick. It really hurts!
Mrs. Aisyah also did not know much about the matter.
Irfan is tired of this situation. This is how it feels when you are too fond of a woman who doesn't even know she is her soul mate or not.
Sincere ... sincere ... it is very difficult to let go of something that has been embedded in the heart. The heart feels empty. The heart feels tight.
'Where is your faith? Where is your taqwa?'
Irfan's mind rebelled! Just because of women why do you become weak, Irfan. Are you not ashamed of Allah who is always closest, most dear, most loving to his servants. And now prefer to think about women who have clearly rejected your good intentions, Irfan?
Why are you being as unenthusiastic as you used to be? Don't you know that above the throne there is longing for your tahajjud?
Now Irfan, you are not the one you used to be. Your night is used to be busy thinking about that woman, to the point that you forget the time of your qiyamula, the Quran is no longer open, Fajr is often made to sleep, on the pretext of not being in the mood, tired, tired.
"You are not the Irfan I know!"
Awi again slapped Irfan's heart with his tongue. How does Irfan behave, while his heart still has a file called Iffah. Irfan doesn't know how to delete the file. But, is it true that Irfan wants to delete it? Honestly, yes or no?
In fact not! Instead of being deleted, Irfan chose to give the most complicated password to a file named Iffah in his heart. Irfan argued that was the only way he could forget her. Forgetting doesn't have to be removed, but just locked so tightly that he can no longer see the contents of the file.
Irfan himself hopes to forget the password he gave himself. Let the file settle, forget, with feelings.
Irfan must be himself like he used to be. About girls? Ahh, he doesn't want to talk about that right now. Her heart was like a glass that had fallen to the floor earlier, the pieces of shards were slowly being put back together.
It can't be perfect like it used to be. But at least the splinters on the floor didn't hurt anyone who passed by. Well, Irfan doesn't want to because his attitude makes the people closest to him hurt too.
Sorry Irfan's emotions. Sorry for Irfan's confusion. Irfan will rise up and show God, that he is still the old Irfan, who always colors his daily life with something useful, each of which contains goodness.
About Iffah, Irfan no longer cares!