But!
Yun leaving him that day, what happened at that bar! In that moment, he felt that he was covered in mud again, that all hope was lost and that he was deeply despondent.
Once again, he had the feeling of falling from heaven to hell.
Hearing about his death was the final blow.
He didn't explain to her why he was acting this way, and he disappeared from his life in an instant, as if it had just evaporated.
That's what he couldn't accept the most!
He is on the verge of going crazy and giving up everything. This is clearly not the death of a loved one as absurd as it seems or thinks, the meanings attached to it are more than meets the eye. It is hope, it is life, it is joy and comfort. It is freedom, that person's rebellious self is like a mirror that shows him piece by piece parts of himself that he has never felt before.
In quiet moments, no one can understand the complex thoughts or mental journey ahead in a sentence or two. Even he himself has trouble realizing this.
His death is just like the disappearance of a person. He calls her his own name.
Only one person.
As if it never existed in the world.
His sadness, his joy, his joy and his heart. It is buried in the ground as if it never existed, and the dead body rots, because the useless body where the soul is destroyed cannot carry itself and its purpose in life has now entered. Bodies aiming to connect the soul to the world feel just as useless as they are without souls. He is in emptiness as if he had lost his soul, and nothing can satisfy his complex desire.
It has become an empty shell.
In this moment of despair, she cuts off communication with everyone, even her family. He is afraid of not being able to control himself. The Ji family is now a dead house filled with mourning and strangling his soul.
He gives himself to acting in order to distract himself, but most of all, not to lose his control. Because, while acting in the morning, he is alone with himself in the evenings.
The reality that he could not accept finally exploded in his loneliness.
Yes, he is as sickening as he thinks and disgusts himself.
He keeps questioning his past, himself and the purpose of his existence.
He is in severe depression, now he is alone with his paranoid personality. It is nothing more than evidence, his mental balance has been upset, however, in his life as an actor, after receiving training, he managed to control his emotions even more.
He realized that he had been blocked by the system, when his thoughts had consumed his mind and finally exhausted him and, in a moment of mental instability, he attempted suicide.
All that was left of him was the cat in front of him.
But he was also the one who ignorantly forced her to do so. System, this cat, because of your front...
He hated it, but at the same time, he couldn't ignore it.
And all this time, every time he crossed the threshold of insanity, every time he lost his reason, it was the presence of this cat that stopped him. Because the cat is the only trace of him, but also the only proof that his hopes once existed.
The system really took care of him more seriously than anyone else. Maybe it's time to get stuck in a madhouse.
The system eventually lied to him.
He lied to her so that he could preserve the last piece of logic.
He knew, but he really needed it. Really...
She was in so much pain. He was hurting, tired both mentally and physically, and more disorganized than he had ever felt.
In the end, he believed this absurd belief, this absurd lie so much that he admitted that he was truly insane. How can a dead person rise from the ground? But he believed, and although he truly believed, he could not admit it to anyone.
Because if this lie collapsed as a result of a confession, eventually his Greek self, personality, life, everything that he had knitted with all the lies would collapse. He knew, like his name, that he had made the wrong choice from the very beginning.
From the very beginning, he had to remain an invisible, nameless, homeless person who always lived on the street. He should never have chosen to go to an orphanage. He should never get close to people, never involve himself in this world.
When it got a name, it has since drifted most deeply into the confusion of its own reality.
Alone on the streets, she was fine because she was on her own, inside her own mind, within the confines of her own spaces of freedom.
And no humans were affected.
He was excellent in human relations, but in himself, he was terrible in psychology.
-And even though Yun was steeped in human relations, at least he had the strength to stand within himself.-
When it got a name, it went out in public, showed up and became a target. As absurd and ridiculous as it may seem, he is not good at communicating, maintaining that balance, and always compromises himself.
As a result, it continues to make concessions until it is exhausted or even worn out.
Their behavior is extreme.
It always exists in the most extreme conditions.
And ever since he made his choice, he has been dragged along by many people and thoughts.
Because Nanren has always lived the way someone else wanted. Never in the way he wanted or desired. Even he doesn't know exactly what kind of person he is or what he wants.
Once he makes him feel and taste this environment, hope, feeling, he instantly becomes attached to that thing and becomes addicted to it. He can't let go, it's the only reality in his life. The only truth among so many lies.
And for the first time, when a lie becomes the real truth, Nanren, already aware of her own thoughts, openly shows the audacity, seriousness, and courage to chase it away.
Indeed, he was resurrected!
Once he regained the vitality he had lost, when his chest, which had been squeezed and contracted, expanded and relaxed, he did not dare to underestimate it once again.
He was helpless to express himself and his helplessness.
Even Yun could not give a meaning, a name to the event of this conversation.
As a result, only frightened and clinging to this reality, trying desperately, desperately struggling...
It can only act, not express it. When words come out of his language, he becomes meaningless and incapable of expressing his feelings. It moves, but it makes everything seem absurd, unnecessary exaggeration, and as disgusting as can be.
In other words, whatever he does is absurdly unnecessary, it leaves him speechless and helpless, incapable of expressing his troubles.
As a result, he becomes an incomprehensible, indecisive, illogical scumbag.
-To be continued-