Chapter 12 His Despair
After dinner, Lu Yang went back to the study room.
Frankly, Lu Yang was happy to reunite with Seline and Stella again. He lived his whole life in regret and sadness, blaming himself for the incident.
Because of the incident, he and his wife became estranged and finally broke off.
From then on, while carrying deep remorse and guilt, he dedicated his time and energy to the battlefield.
To distract himself from remembering the past, he single-mindedly fought on the battlefield, one after another. Seeing the numerous deaths and misery caused by various battles and wars, he became numb to life and death.
He had wanted to end his life. But the image of his girl telling him to live while sacrificing herself haunted him. Over time, as he continued to blame himself for the incident, he realized that suicide was not the answer.
It was a luxury, unworthy for someone like him.
A cowardly way for him to escape guilt.
And each time his mentality was on the verge of collapse, he would dream of the incident again.
In the dream, he would meet his girl's eye, who told him to run to safety. In the last moment before she went to face the beast tide, she looked towards him with a smile and told him to survive. He could only watch as his daughter went to the frontline while he was being dragged away. He would always wake up while screaming for her name.
He didn't want to become a coward and ran away from his guilt! He didn't want to disappoint his baby girl's trust.
Thus, he continued to struggle, living just for the sake of it without purpose.
He continued to punish himself to bear all the deaths and continue living. He chose the battlefield because it was the easiest way to redeem himself. He does not like the feeling of being in helplessness and despair he experienced at that time. Through the battlefield, he could get stronger. And the most important thing, he could find value in his death.
Yes, he was looking for his death on the battlefield. Like a drunken man, intoxicated with fighting on battlefields, without purpose and self. Unable to choose death, he continued to fight, hoping to someday die on the battlefield.
Until one day, he knew a certain news from one of his colleagues who was also his leader.
His wife was still alive. Similar to him, Seline was also living, fighting on battlefields.
But unlike him, who plunged into war without purpose and fought the enemy on the border, Seline traveled through the worlds from one battlefield to another.
Acting as a mercenary, she continued to take battle quests from everywhere. But there's one particularity that makes her stand out among the rest. She never took a second quest in the same world.
Regardless of the quest's success and failures, she and her team would not continue to stay in the same place. They would move forward from one planet to another, from one solar system to another.
It was said that her team had almost traveled the entire galaxy and star field!
Her group was famous because of it. Some claimed that, in this star field, they had traveled through most battlefields.
Maybe because of this, rumors began to spread that she was looking for something or someone. However, no one could confirm whether it was true or not.
Amazingly enough, her mercenary group was quite united and willingly followed her. Their loyalty and unity were commendable. Their quests' success rates were astonishingly high. At the same time, their casualty rate was low, proving their skills and experience.
When he heard the news from his friend, Lu Yang felt surprised and skeptical. But later, he became worried for her safety.
That year, when they broke up in a fight and later drifted away from one another, he still cared for her wellbeing. However, later, all form of news about her was out of his reach.
After losing contact initially, the Selva family seemed to vanish from the Earth. Even through the Lu family's intelligence network, he could not find the whereabouts of anyone from the Selva family. Afterward, the Lu Family was so preoccupied with the war that they did not have the resources and personnel to investigate the matter.
With time, any traces would be eliminated as the war prolonged. When they finally had time for a breath and sent people to investigate, no clues could be traced anymore.
He knew his ex-wife was angry and blamed him for losing their daughter. Coupled with his guilt, he felt it was better for them not to see each other. Thus, he stopped caring about it.
As he drifted away along the battlefield, it was the first time he heard any news concerning her.
While feeling relieved and glad knowing she was safe, he was also distressed. A kind and gentle wife like Seline was forced to survive on the battlefield. Anyone who knew her initially would be anxious for her.
But after calming down, Lu Yang noticed the strange behavior of his ex-wife.
Was she looking for something or someone?!
He knew well enough to understand she would not look for him. Even before, she blamed him for his incompetence that forced her child to sacrifice for him.
Though he could not have guessed what she was looking for, as someone close to her, he knew that her only obsession in life was their daughter.
But their daughter had died on the Earth's battlefield. They even buried her themselves at the Fallen Heroes Cemetry.
But her last words kept ringing in his ears.
Could she find a way to get their daughter back? How? And with what?
Once the insane thought came up, he could no longer throw it away. The train of thought that people normally would scoff at somehow was ingrained deeply in his mind.
Why was she taking these battle quests?
Why was he walking along life and death, participating in those battlefields?
What was she looking for?
What was her motivation that compelled her to do so?
Was there another reason that forced her to run around in various places?
At that time, various thoughts went into his mind. But in the end, regardless of the answers, Lu Yang somehow convinced himself:
He could see their daughter again!!!