Susannah's POV
I dropped Jake off with his nanny. I love my son but sometimes, like now, I just can't be with him, it kills me. He looks so much like his dad and it kills me.
Everytime I look at him I remember his dad, Jake senior, and it makes me just want to scream out loud.
Since my husband died, I've had men in and out of my life. I guess it's my unhealthy way of coping with the grief.
It could be considered tarnishing his memory, staining what we were. But I don't want to think about him or my son or the future, I just want to live in the present.
Sometimes when I think about my husband, I want to curse him and hate him but I can't. I told him so many times to pull out, but he didn't listen, kept telling me one more time just one time.
And when he did finally go through it, it was too late, he knew too much so they killed him. He was part of the mafia. Luckily, they didn't come after me and my son.
And so I'm changing boyfriends like I'm changing clothes, just anything to keep me distracted, to stop me from thinking about the only man to make my heart beat fast, the only man I cared about, the only man that I've ever loved, it hurts too much to think about him, it makes me want to fall to my knees and cry 😭😭😭, I loved him so much.
I could have forced him to quit when he told me about it, I could have threatened to leave him but I didn't, I just begged him to quit. I didn't push him to and I'll forever regret that, he was the love of my life, my soulmate and I'll never forget him 😔❤ I'll love him for infinity, while I'm on Earth and when I join him in the afterlife.
Looking at my way of dealing with grief, I couldn't help but remember my father. He did it too when my mum died and I hated him for it. I found fault in every action of his, I hated his reactions, hated how he dealt with his grief.
Now, it seems like we're not so different. Is this a cycle? Will my son hate me when he gets older. My heart can't help but break when I think about this, how has my dad felt all this years. He's quite an emotional man, it must have made him sad.
Understanding stuff more, I send a text to my dad.
"I've always been angry with you, well since mum died, I never gave you a chance and I'm sorry. I now understand that it was your way of dealing with grief, albeit unhealthy, it was your form of escaping it all. Drowning yourself with women and forgetting who you were and the people around you. I understand now and it breaks me, because I'm doing the same thing. Jake's dead and I'm left helpless with a baby and I don't know what to do. I look at my son and I hate him sometimes because he looks so much like the man I'm trying to forget. I probably need some therapy. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry for the cold shoulder, for shrugging you off when all you wanted to do was be there for me. I'm truly sorry. Can we meet up sometime and talk maybe?"
In no time, my phone made a ding sound. My dad had replied, that was quite fast.
"I was wrong, how I dealt with my grief was quite wrong. I shut everyone out and I was wrong. You were fifteen and instead of me being there for my daughter and helping her understand what was going on, I shut you out and drowned myself with women. I'm so sorry. I pushed Mari to you and let you deal with her, even though you were just a child. I should have long tried to make up with you, I'm so sorry"
And just like that, it was all resolved, the war of twenty years ended.
"It's okay dad, I forgive you. Please forgive me too and let's move forward" I sent.
"Yes, I forgive you. I love you so much, even though I've never said it, I love you plenty, you're my lifeline" He sent.
"I love you too dad" I texted back.
And just like that, it was over. My dad and I's issues were resolved and we were going to be a big happy family.
My phone made a ding noise once more, but it wasn't my dad this time, it was my boyfriend, Quincey.
I probably should have taken a leaf from my dad but I didn't. I'll indulge myself this one time.
"Hey babe, what do you think about car sex in the middle of the night on the road, wild right? You up for it?" He texted.
"Sure" I sent back after some pondering.
I dolled myself up, wore my sexiest lingerie under a coat, once it was eleven and waited for Quincey to arrive.
I had already texted Jake's nanny that I'd pick him up in two days. Mama's got to have some fun.
He sped into my compound which made me laugh a little before I hopped on his car and he drove off.
He drove for a while and when he got to the highway decided he couldn't wait any longer, guess who's fault that was 😈.
He parked and we locked lips and just when we were about to get down to business a howl sounded. We ignored it but when three more sounded in succession, I chickened out. I had a bad feeling and couldn't care less about going through with the deed.
Just as I was about to tell Quincey to drive me back home, the car door was ripped open. A naked man stood before us and when I locked eyes with him, I instantly fell in love with him even though I wasn't a fickle woman, butterflies were dancing in my tummy, I was completely mesmerized by him.
It seemed like he felt the same thing but he shaked his head and cleared his thoughts and I remembered the situation I was in.
"How dare you! How dare you!" He shouted.
"I kept myself for you and here you her whoring yourself, you're a disgrace of a mate" He growled.
"I'll never accept you, I'll kill you then kill myself" He growled.
"I'll do something about this punk though" He said.
My heart was in my throat from the moment he started talking, I wasn't too clear on the mate thing but was very clear on the "I'll kill you then kill myself thing". I decided to make a run from it but he was done with Quincey and dragged me out of the car before I could do anything.
In a blink of an eye, his fingers had turned into claws and made huge gashes all over Quincey's body before tossing him aside, the cuts were really long, each one about fifteen inches long, there was no way Quincey could move with how and where the cuts had been made, he would bleed out and die.
I was dragged out of the car by my hair and spat at with the words "You're a disgrace to yourself, me, to all mates and you must be dealt with".
As my mind raced and I thought about what to do, to talk to him or something, a claw went through my chest and I saw my heart in his hands before I fell, never to rise again.