My head hurt as much as my heart.
There had been too many people in my house after my father's funeral. I knew they did it to give me their regards but I didn't want to hear it.
I had put my mask back on and refused to cry. I had heard what they were saying and none of it was true. One guy said my father had been in shady deals and that the mob caused his death. My dad had been a good man and a loving father. He had never done anything to put me in harm. They also said I was doing very well and that I was strong.
That was a lie.
I wasn't strong; just the opposite, but I wasn't going to let them see it.
Darren was a strong presence the entire time. If I was standing, his hand was securely in mine, lending me his strength to get through it. If I was sitting, he sat as close to me as he could without making me uncomfortable. It was done to protect me from myself. Well, that's the way he put it.
A day after the funeral, we went to the lawyer's office for the reading of the will. Grandpa forced my grandma to stay home because she was still on the side of hysteria.
The lawyer read the will with a heavy heart. He had been a friend of my dad's when they were in college. After they had graduated, they remained friends. He had been at my parents' wedding and was my dad's best man. I almost cried when he opened his briefcase and just stared at the finalized form of the will.
No one said a word as the house, cars, and finances were left to me. Grandpa simply nodded and told me he'd take care of paying for the funeral. Money had been set aside for my tuition until I graduated college. My dad had made sure I was taken care of should he die. That fact clenched my heart more, making me even more miserable than I already was.
I spent the next two days in bed after all was said and done. My heart wasn't up to
seeing anyone so I sulked in my room. Darren tried to talk to me but I shrugged him off. He wasn't upset; actually he completely understood. He'd just kiss me and go on his way.
Anita would come in a few times a day to make sure I ate and clear out the previous dishes. Every other day she came in to force me to get a bath, always adding white clematis to the water to soothe me. Other than that I didn't leave my room.
By Saturday, almost a week after we left Oklahoma and four days after the funeral, I emerged from my room. Instead of going downstairs, I went to my dad's room across the hall. As I opened the door, my dad's familiar scent enveloped me in love and memories.
My heart stopped as I walked in. He hadn't changed anything, not even when he was married to Catherine. It had been the same since I was six; more accurately since my mother had died. He had been adamant about that. It was if he wanted her to keep her alive in this place.
I looked around the room at all the pictures and portraits I had made over the years. They hadn't been moved at all; still sitting on the mantle above his fireplace. His shoes were still by his trunk at the end of the bed and his bathrobe was hanging on the open bathroom door. Everything was as he left it the morning he had passed.
Tears welled in my eyes as I climbed in his bed. I grabbed a picture of him, Mom, and me when I was just a few days old. They both looked so happy and I was a pudgy little thing. As I stared down at it, the tears fell over my lids and onto its smooth glass covering. I had no one to call immediate family, not anymore.
Darren
Darren stood at the entrance of the master bedroom, watching as Maddie cried over a picture. There was nothing he could do. She had ignored him for the last three days but she was still grieving. Yet, for some reason, the snub hurt.
He watched as she pulled the covers back and crawled under them. She settled down and he could hear her breath even out. This was probably the best sleep she was going to get in a while so he shut the door and went downstairs.
Anita was vacuuming the foyer as he hit the bottom step. He was very grateful she had been there to help Maddie when he couldn't. He didn't know what she was going through. He had never known his birth parents and he still had his adoptive parents. What was happening to Maddie was beyond him.
"Mr. Darren?" He turned when he realized Anita was talking to him. "How is Miss Maddie?"
"She's asleep in the master bedroom. I think she's comfortable around her father's things," he replied as he rubbed a hand over his face.
She nodded. "That would make sense." She took a few moments to wind the cord back in its place. When she straightened, she clasped her hands together in front of her. "Mr. Darren, I want you to take Miss Maddie back to school tomorrow."
Darren stared at the maid in shocked silence. "Why? I thought you loved having her home."
"I do but she can't remain here. I know she is grieving but she has to do it with you and her friends. If she doesn't, she will not last."
Every fiber of his being went on alert. "What do you know?"
"I know I am going to ask her to do something tonight that may make her hate me, but it is my only way to protect her. What you are about to go up against will test your loyalty to each other. I urge you to find the other Knights. It's the only way to win."
Darren didn't know why but everything Anita said sounded correct. He had the urge to get Maddie home and find the rest of the Knights. After thinking for a minute, he nodded. This wasn't going to go over well with Maddie.
"I'll go pack."
Anita nodded. "I'll pack Miss Maddie's bags."
Maddie
"Miss Maddie, please wake up."
My eyes were still heavy but I opened them. As my vision cleared, I looked up into the face of Anita. She smiled down at me with that soft smile I loved.
I sat up, my dad's comforter spilling around my waist. I had forgotten I had fallen asleep in his bedroom.
"What is it, Anita?" I asked as I rubbed my eyes. They were gritty and uncomfortable. I needed to quit crying before I went to bed.
"I need you to come with me please." She didn't give me time to argue as she walked from the room.
I scrambled from the bed, forgetting the fact that I was in my pajamas. She was halfway down the stairs when I caught up to her. I knew better than to ask where we were going. She wouldn't answer me anyway.
As we walked through the back of the house, I saw Darren in the kitchen. He was staring into a cup, thought etched all over his face. I knew he knew I was there but he was steadfastly refusing to look at me. So he knew what Anita was planning.
The wind hit us in a frigid blast as we stepped out in the backyard. I couldn't hide my gasp. Texas wasn't usually this cold. Then again I was in my pajamas. It was also filled with wonder. Anita had turned the yard into an area for an Indian ritual. Candles flickered in a small circle right in the middle.
Anita walked over the circle and sat down right in the middle of it. Of course I had to follow her. When I was situated, she held out her hands. I put mine on top of hers until they were resting palm to palm.
"Usually there is a proper ceremony for this but we don't have time and we don't have a shaman," she said as she adjusted her position.
"What are you talking about?" I asked, clearly confused because for once I had no clue.
"You're returning to school tomorrow."
I gaped at her. "What? Why?"
"You cannot remain here."
"Again I ask why?"
"You know why, deep down in your heart."
"No, I don't."
"Madden, you are grieving. I understand that, but that does not mean you give up. There are too many people counting on you to do so. One is sitting in your kitchen." I looked over my shoulder. Darren was standing at the window watching us. "You see now? He is counting on you."
"But, Anita, I don't want to leave. You're the only family I got left in this big house. Please don't send me away. I don't want to be alone."
She smiled gently, obviously understanding my fear. She too was alone in this world, having no family of her own. "You should know by now you are never alone, cuwitku, and tonight I am going to make sure that is true."
I tilted my head in confusion. "What do you mean?"
"Tonight you will find your animal guide."
My animal guide? I knew only a few special people were allowed to take what I called
the Animal/Spirit Guide Quest but they'd all been Native American. I was Irish and Dutch, as far from Native American as you could get. I was pretty certain my mother's ancestors came over on the Mayflower. So how was I going on an Animal Guide Quest?
"Relax your mind, kitala wanji, and let your heart take over," Anita advised.
I couldn't help it. With the smoothness of her voice and the scent of the candles, my eyes fluttered close and I was transported to a different place.
It was a glade but not just any glade. It was a creepy one; you know the ones that are all dark and misty? Yep, that's what it was. A creepy, dark, misty glade. And like a big dummy I just stood there and looked around. I didn't have a choice. I had to wait until an animal approached before I could leave. Once that happened, we would be bonded.
I finally just flopped down in the wet grass and looked up at the sky. It was pretty; or it would have been if the fog wasn't so thick. It was a nice place to relax if you weren't so on edge like I was.
A rustling to my left got my attention and I sat up. I should have been afraid but for some reason I just wasn't. It was like everything was okay, so I waited.
A few seconds later, a wolf stepped out of the trees followed by another and another. More came into the glade until there were twenty-six in all. The obvious Alpha, the first wolf to emerge, stepped cautiously toward me. I made certain to stay absolutely still as it circled and sniffed me. When it stopped in front of me, we stared at each other. Then he did a very peculiar thing.
He stepped into my personal circle and licked my face. The pack followed suit, making sure I knew I was now pack.
I was suddenly transported back. When I opened my eyes, the candles had burned down low and I was covered in sweat. I must have been gone a few hours at most. Anita was smiling over my shoulder. Wanting to know what it was, I turned around. The wolves were behind me. I frowned slightly at the intrusion but then shrugged it off.
"A wolf? Very fitting, especially since it is a pack. Now you must stay with your friends. It's been proven," Anita said. There was no mistaking the tiredness in her voice.
"Darren, would you see Anita to her room please?" I asked gently as we stood.
"Yeah," he replied. He gently took her arm. "You better send them away. We are still in the city."
"I can't do that. This wolf is my animal guide. He must stay with me at all times."
He looked to Anita for confirmation. She nodded slightly. "Then send the others away. We can't have the humane society or the zoo on us." He turned and led Anita to her room.
I sighed and looked at my wolf. "Send them away, Stryker." His eyes perked up at the new name. "They can't be in the city limits. They'll be hurt. Send them to my school." He turned and growled an order. The others disappeared. "Come on," I said when he looked at me.
The two of us went into the house. As we headed up the stairs, I saw Darren emerge from Anita's room. He saw me and followed me into my dad's bedroom. Stryker jumped on the foot of the bed as I covered up again. The bed was big and warm and just what I needed.
I looked up at Darren. He was shifting uncomfortably where he was standing at the door. This was my dad's room. No wonder he was so nervous.
"Darren," I said softly. Stryker's ears pricked up when I spoke. He was obviously registering the other's name in his memory banks.
"Yeah?" he replied. His voice was strangled. Wasn't that my thing at the moment?
"You can stay here with me."
He shook his head. "This was your dad's room. I can't do that."
"You said so yourself. He's not here anymore."
"Don't twist my words."
"I'm not." His face turned red and he looked away. I sighed heavily. "I don't want to be alone tonight."
He sighed and hung his head for a moment. I heard him shuffle then the bed sagged on the other side. I felt his body heat as he lay down on what used to be my mom's side of the bed. It took me a few moments before I could relax enough to lie down beside him.
He didn't touch me until I took his hands. With our fingers laced, we stared at each other. Finally, I fell asleep clutching desperately at his hand as if it was a life line.