LISA
Every day is almost the same. I know they told me that I would be assigned to another pilot while we wait for Captain Smith to come back but for some reason, they find me more useful to fill in for the other air controllers. I am actually busy doing all the dirty work for everyone.
Then the days unfold the same every day. I stand up and drink my pills for my foot, which for some reason does not seem to heal very quickly. Then I continue to breakfast and go to work. I go to lunch and then back to work again. Every day I am unconsciously scanning to see the man in the gym but I do not see him.
I go to the gym at night and I do not know what I am doing there because I can not use my foot. I guess I just want to see that man again. He has become somewhat of a forbidden treasure and I thought if I could just look at him it would be enough. But now that I do not get to see him anymore, my desire for him is slowly overwhelming me.
I text Steve every so often when I remember and it is almost as if it has become a duty. It is the last night before I get to hear the notorious Captain Smith in my ears again. I am sitting on a park bench just staring at the stars in the sky.
It is strange how the absence of the man that I seem to desire and not being able to see Steve again, makes me want to talk to Captain Smith. I have listened to a few pilots in my ears and all of them make me want to hear his voice again.
But then as I look at the stars and the moon in its full bloom, I realized that I might speak to a different Captain Smith tomorrow. I do not know what it is to lose a parent but I have seen a few patients whose parents died and some of them they could survive it and others struggled greatly.
I start to wonder whether he would be the one that struggles or the one that it does not bother at all. It does not matter which one he is, I will definitely see a change in his behavior. I have been begging Dr. Sanders to get me that file and she promised that she would do it as soon as she can.
I need to get a face on the voice that I hear through my headset. I need to start and form an idea of him because it is difficult to find out who he really is if I have not seen him face-to-face or even had the chance to observe him from afar.
For all I know I could have seen him already and not even know it. I stand up from the bench slowly because I know in these few days that have gone by, if I put too much pressure on my foot, I will have to pay the next day for it. I walk back to my room and I get into my bed.
Tomorrow is going to be a great day, I get to have a pilot of my own again. But then my thoughts quickly go back to the man in the gym and I wonder if he has been transferred to another base. I guess I will never get that opportunity to talk to him at all.
BRIAN
I sit in the cab all the way back to the base. I still have not shed a tear. I do not know if it is a good thing or a bad thing. I am trying to get my thoughts in order but nothing seems to be the way that it was. These three days were like a roller coaster of emotions.
As we get to the base, I start to wonder what I am doing here. Suddenly the love for the planes has somehow disappeared. It feels as if I am walking in some sort of a blur. Nothing is black and white anymore everything is grey. I used to love the atmosphere that the base brings me but now it is just a normal place like any other.
It is nightfall and the stars are shining their beauty on the earth but I do not see any of that. I get out of the cab and take my luggage. I know somewhere in these days that have passed, I have packed myself a bag. I do not know what I put in it.
I pay for the cab and he leaves the base. It is quiet. Everyone seems to be in their rooms but I just stand there with my luggage next to me. Then I look up at the sky and I see the stars that must be beautiful. I stare beyond the stars into heaven and I immediately wonder if my mother is up there looking at me.
Then, as I look down I see the park stretched out before me. It must be a gorgeous night and I guess the weather is just right. I pick up my bag but then my eyes caught someone that I have completely forgotten about. I do not know how I could have forgotten about her.
I watch her stand up from the bench and she walks away from the park. I can see that she is resting more on her one foot than the other and I remember how her foot got hurt in the gym. I find myself smiling just slightly. It is almost as if some of the colors are returning. I just watch her walking away and then I pick up my luggage and go to my room.
I close the door behind me and then I lay down on my bed. I know that I am supposed to go back to being the Captain Smith tomorrow. I also know that they need me for some sort of mission but my mind can not focus. The thing that bothers me the most is not the death of my mother but to think that my dad could be CIA.
I put my hands behind my head as I stare at the ceiling. I just have to do something and so I say.
"Fuck!"
I know that I will not get any sleep tonight and I guess I will not get a lot of sleep for the next couple of weeks. I have to find a way to deal with whatever is going on with me. But it is like I have lost all faith in everything.
The next morning arrives and as I thought I did not sleep anything. I am ready an hour before I should be. I get up and walk to my instructor's briefing hangar. The seats have not been put out yet and so I just stand and stare at the sky.
Then I feel a hand on my shoulder. I do not know for how long I have been staring at the sky. I turn around and I see Admiral Johnson. I want to stand at attention and salute him but for some reason, he stops me.
"There is no one else around. Let's just talk, you and me"
I have never seen this side of Admiral Johnson but then again, I never let myself see it. I am just always ready to prove myself to authority and I never look at the world through their eyes.
"How are you keeping up?"
"I am fine"
"You are not fine"
I know what he says is true but there is no way that I am admitting it to him.
"Are you going to be able to fly today or do you need another day?"
"Like I said. I am fine, sir"
He looks at me with skepticism in his eyes and I guess he has the fullest right to look at me that way. Then he puts me on the shoulder again and says.
"Just remember, if you break it you buy it"
Then he gives me a slight smile and turns around walking away. I realized that I should not mess up today. I make my way back to the seats that are now put out and I take a seat. Then the instructor walks in and I do not even notice the amazement on his face.
Slowly the room is being filled and the instructor tells us that this will be our last mission. Then it is as if I realize that I have missed a lot of things in these three days. After the briefing, we make our way to the jets and when I see my jet, some of the color in my world comes back.
LISA
This morning I stand up happy to be able to be a normal air controller. Today's the day that I get to sit at my desk and just do my job. I take a shower and then I make my way to the Tower. I almost do not feel the pain that is in my foot as my happiness is overshadowing the pain.
This is what I love to do. I love to figure out things and people. Today I am going to figure out Captain Smith, the reason why I am here in the first place. I take a seat at my desk and my headset is not even on properly yet when I hear his voice.
"Tower this is Bravo Romeo 05. I am ready for takeoff. Please confirm if I am clear. Over"
I almost feel happy to hear his voice and I try to calm down as much as I can when I say.
"You are clear for takeoff. You can continue to runway 1. Over"
I want to tell him how sorry I am about his mother but I know that I am not even supposed to know. I quickly look at the file that was handed to me when I walked in to see what his mission is. I start to wonder whether I should write down any mistakes that he might make today.
No man or woman can be their normal self if something like that would happen to them. Then I feel my supervisor's hand on my shoulder and I turn around.
"Yes, sir?"
"We have a direct order from above that should Captain Smith show anything out of the ordinary actions in his behavior that we should report it. Are we clear?"
"Yes, sir"
I put on my headset again and then turn back to my station. I wish I could tell him everything that I know and I wish I can tell him that if he does not feel up to it he should stay grounded. But I can not say one thing to him. I have to stay professional.
Then I get on the radio and tell him what his mission is and that this would be a solo mission. They will be tested on all the skills that they have learned throughout their training. There will be a curveball thrown at them and they should handle it the right way. They, of course, do not know what the curveball is.
BRIAN
It seems like I have forgotten almost everything about this base. I forgot that beautiful woman that seems to keep my thoughts almost always when I am here. I forgot about my air controller's voice that brings me an unspoken peace. But most of all I forgot the moment that I got into the air how it feels to have freedom somehow heal my wounds.
I know what my mission is but for just a few minutes I want to be free. I want to feel the air underneath this machine's wings. I want to move the joystick in the direction that I wanted to and this powerful machine will listen to me.
The color of the world has almost completely returned as I slowly forget about my sorrows as I fly higher into the sky.