LISA
I can not stop myself from worrying that something might have happened to Captain Smith. I know that his skills are exceptional but I also know that any kind of trauma can change behaviors. I have already called him three times and he is not reacting to my call.
Then suddenly I hear something through my headset. It is very faint but I can hear his voice.
"I...uh..."
BRIAN
It is almost as if the words play in my head over and over again. It is like a broken record and it is overpowering every thought that I might have. All I hear is how my dad killed two people in the room and how she heard gunshots. I imagine how she must have felt a lot of fear lying there on the floor.
But I think the thing that gets me the most is the fact that my dad was a soldier just like me. I do not know exactly who he was working for. Whether he worked for the CIA or some secret agency, it is true that he must have been a soldier of some kind.
I do not know how it is possible that I could somehow have stepped into his shoes without realizing it. The overwhelming thought that I could be a good man like my dad is getting to me. I know that I am in the air and I know that a powerful machine is between my legs.
I know that I am on training but somehow my ears do not hear the engine or anything except for those words. Suddenly it hits me that my mother is dead and I can not ask her anything about my dad. I feel extremely mad at my mother for not telling me this earlier.
My heart is racing a thousand beats per minute and my breathing is increasing. It is almost as if I am getting dizzy with the words that do not want to stop screaming in my head. But then suddenly in the distance, I hear something over the radio.
My hands know that I should react to this call and I take hold of the radio without thinking. I press the button and then I need to say something. I do not really know what to say and so I start my sentence but never finish it. I put the radio back in its place and now my breathing is even more rapid.
Then it is as if my ears are open in a second. I can hear the engine. I know that I need to take action. But for some reason, I can not do anything.
LISA
I quickly replied to his radio transmission and I say.
"Captain Smith, can you hear me?"
I know good and well that this is not how I am supposed to talk over the radio and I turn around to make sure that my supervisor is not close by. I realize that something is wrong and I do not want to alarm anyone unless I know what is going on.
BRIAN
Then it is as if a piece of heaven just fell on my ears when I hear my air controller speak. I know that I should reply but my breathing is now uncontrollable. My hands are automatically going to the radio as if it is trained into me. I press the button but no words come out.
LISA
I listen carefully to hear if I get any response then I can hear the radio clicking on but there is nothing. I put my fingers against my headset and press it close to my ear to try and hear something. All I can hear is breathing. I realized that he must have some sort of state that he finds himself in. I look around myself and then I say.
"Brian, can you hear me? Just say something"
I can feel my heart starting to beat faster because I know this is beyond protocol but as a psychiatrist, I realized that I need to get to his heart. I wait patiently for him to react.
BRIAN
Then I hear her voice again and this time she is calling me by my name. Never in a million years did I think that someone would have such an effect on me but when I hear her say my name, it is almost as if I am calming down. I know that she wants me to say something and this is all I could say.
"I am here..."
LISA
As I hear him respond it is almost as if I feel relief. I can calm down now because he is still alive. Then I turn around making sure that my supervisor is not close by. Then I say to him.
"Are you okay, sir?"
I hold my breath without realizing it as I wait for him to say something.
BRIAN
I hear her voice again and this time I become even more calm. I do not know how she is doing it but I can feel my heart rate coming down. Then my lips are loosened and I can feel myself taking a deep breath. The words in my mind have stopped and it is quiet as it always is. I take the radio and then I say breathlessly.
"Tower, I am fine"
LISA
I can hear the confidence in his voice again but it is clear that he had some sort of an attack and so I quickly respond.
"It is good to hear that Bravo Romeo 05. You have missed your targets and failed the mission. You are ordered to come back"
"Roger that, Tower"
I can hear the sadness in his voice and I know what this means for him. I have to report back to my supervisor and I wonder if I should tell him everything. I wonder if I should write down this event as being mentally unstable but it is almost as if I first need to see his file. I take off my headset and walk to my supervisor.
"Sir, Bravo Romeo 05 has failed the mission. He is coming back"
"Thank you"
I walk back to my place and I make sure to keep a close eye on him as his plane makes its way back. I know that I have broken a lot of rules by not telling my supervisor everything but I also know that it is not needed because anyone will have some sort of lash out when somebody close to them dies.
I blame the base for not giving him more time to grieve his mother's death. They can not expect him to just carry on as if nothing has happened. But I will make sure to keep a close eye on him as I am sure he will have some sort of an attack again.
BRIAN
I realized that I have messed up big time and now I have failed my training. I do not know exactly what happened to me and why it happened. I never had anything like that happen to me before. As I taxi down the runway, I think how lucky I am to have had the air controller that I had. She truly brought me back to earth.
As I step out of my plane and I am ready to face my fate, I am met by one of the soldiers standing at attention. I take off my helmet and turn to him.
"Can I help you, soldier?"
"Yes, sir. Admiral Johnson wants to see you in his office as soon as possible, sir"
"Thank you. I will be right there"
I am still not really back to normal but I am feeling much better than what I did in the air just a few moments ago. I wonder if he wants to tell me that I will be kicked out of the Navy because I failed my training. I know that they came for me especially because they had a mission for me.
I start to wonder if I am half the man that my dad was. I start to walk to his office but I can not stop staring at the Tower, knowing that the air controller saved my life in more ways than one. I have to figure out who she is and thank her in person.
I knock on the door and then he tells me to enter. I stand at attention, of course, not looking in his eyes because as it is a sign of respect.
"Captain Smith, please have a seat"
"Thank you, sir"
I take a seat and put my hat in my hands playing with it. I know that he is about to kick me out and I will walk out of here with pride. The anger that I feel towards my mom now just increases because she caused me to lose my job. The job that I love.
"As you know we have recruited you for a reason. We have a very important mission that we need you to lead your squadron behind enemy lines..."
I did not even expect this a little bit but I sit there with full confidence listening to every word that he has to say.
"...this mission will be extremely dangerous and if you do not do it right you will lose your life. It is expected of me to make sure that everyone that I sent into this mission knows this. You must be aware but you could be shot down and possibly lose your life. I called you in because I want to know if you are willing to do it?"
I know that he is telling me that I am going to probably lose my life but for some reason, I feel joy. I feel joy at the fact that I am still seen as a Captain and not some weakling. I am happy because I have signed up to the Navy knowing that I might not come out alive. I stand up and salute him while I say.
"I am at your service, sir"
I can see a smile forming on his face as if he is glad that he made the choice to recruit me again. It is clear to me that no one knows about the blunder that happened in the air just a few hours ago. I know that air controllers are supposed to report everything that happens but it seems that mine has not said a word.
This just convinced me even more that I should find out who she is and this time I should thank her much more than what I thought. Then I hear the Admiral say.
"I am glad that you are ready to serve your country. You will have a day for yourself and I know that they are having a party for the new trainees on base. I want you to go to that party and enjoy it because this mission will be extremely dangerous"
"Yes, sir"
"I expect you to report to my office first thing the day after. You are dismissed"
"Yes, sir"
I turn around and leave his office and I can not help feeling so much better than a few moments ago. My life was falling apart and I thought that I could have lost the thing that I love. But here I am walking out of this office a true Captain in its entire form.
I smile as I walk back to my room. Tonight is going to be a good night and I will make sure to enjoy the night. I need to get some release from the thoughts is running through my mind.
LISA
I do some final paperwork but then the entire time I am thinking about Captain Smith. I wonder why I feel such a close connection to him even though I am here to judge him in some way. I have to evaluate whether he is mentally unstable. I am starting to wonder whether my dad made this up because even while he had an attack of some sort, he regained normality.
If he did indeed have some sort of panic attack and he was mentally unstable it will be close to impossible for him to return to normality. He flew back as he always did and land the jet as if nothing happened to him.
I reached the end of my work day and just as I am about to leave my supervisor calls me over.
"We have received orders that Captain Smith will be going on a mission the day after tomorrow. That will mean that you have the day off tomorrow but will report at Tower 5 the day after. It was great having you working with us. You have exceptional skill"
"Thank you, sir"
I turn around while I swallow deeply and I realized that they are sending Captain Smith into the field. I start to wonder whether I should have said something about what happened today because now he might get an attack again and this time it would be behind enemy lines.