'I'm too weak after school… I'll have to… sleep longer.'
"Yumiko-chan!"
Yumiko opened her eyes when she heard a certain girlish voice call her name. What a surprise it was for her when she realized that she was not in her room or on her bed, but in a field. In a green field with a summer warmth.
The horizon of that field seemed limitless: the meadows were long and magical, and the place itself was surrounded on two sides by trees nearby, and beyond the trees by forests.
She lay on the warm grass near a hollow where clear water poured down from the mountains. When she looked closely, she felt that her hair was as long as it had been before she went to the barber shop. Soon her sense of self-preservation sensed the arrival of a little girl whose low shadow accompanying her height obscured the light of the sun that illuminated the schoolgirl's face.
"Yumiko?" she asked, turning to the little girl.
"We meet again! How glad I am to be able to see you again, but you seem to be troubled by something again, for otherwise I would not be able to appear in your dreams."
"In your dreams…?"
"Exactly! You've been overwhelmed again by the emotions that she didn't let out spontaneously and continued to keep to herself. But don't worry! After all, in these cases I come."
The little girl put a finger to her lips and smiled again.
Yumiko lifted her back and looked at her clothes and was slightly amazed to find herself dressed in a white dress. She felt a light breeze and the meadows around her began to dance in unison.
After a while, they walked slowly through the immediate surroundings, peering at both the natural landforms and the meadows.
"Actually, I wonder how a girl like you could have trouble identifying her feelings and construct a more childlike version of herself in her mind to find answers to her own questions. Don't you think that looks pathetic?"
Yumiko glanced at the pond and noticed a toad sitting on a lily leaf.
"This place is so believable that sometimes you wonder if you're in reality," Yumiko said as she leaned toward the pond. She fixed her fallen hair.
"This place is a figment of your imagination, and your dreams are probably light and peaceful. Don't you want to talk about what you're worried about?"
"Sorry, I got carried away."
They soon approached the outskirts of the sprouting garden flowers and Yumiko stopped to taste the fresh scent of yellowish velvets and purple veronica.
"I see. So you're worried about liking Ryou-kun and don't know the best way to reject him without hurting anyone's feelings."
"He did look suspicious today. Even though it's a guess, I don't think I'm the only one who took it seriously, and it could be that way."
They were in a coniferous summer forest and carefully descended a short grassy slope into an overgrown ravine. Yumiko took note of dragonflies singing in the same grass.
"What does this have to do with me, after all? Just go ahead and turn him down when he confesses to you. What's the actual problem?"
"That's why I'm wondering how I should answer, so as not to cause trouble and offend Ryou-kun. You're a figment of my thoughts, which I am consciously hiding inside myself, so answer."
"Wait, are you really thinking of accepting his feelings!"
"That depends on what decisions you advise me to make, Yumiko."
Yumiko looked up and became fully aware of the height of the dark coniferous pines and firs, which with their foliage partially sheltered the cool forest from the sunlight. A squirrel ran right in front of her feet and she marveled at how fearless it was.
"Yumiko-chan, have you really forgotten your promise?" misunderstood the little girl, pouting her lips.
Yumiko herself did not notice how they were already standing in the green undulating field, and she felt the sharp coil of a warm breeze blowing her long hair.
"Yumiko-chan, you and I are one, but we seem to have slightly different opinions. I kept trying to figure out why you were turning your back on me? What have I done to you, Yumiko-chan?"
"Not at all… Believe me, I would never turn my back on you. It's the other thing… You must be unaccustomed to seeing me as a fool. I will not forget my promise, for that is what pushes me forward, to continue my life. The fact is that I have encountered a phenomenon new to me…"
"What is this phenomenon? I have tried desperately to find new feelings that you have begun to feel recently, but I have found nothing that could be connected to love for anyone. If you don't think of accepting an offer of love, why can't you say no?"
"This man is important in my life, for he is my friend. I have made new friends through chance and have managed to become attached to them in the meantime, so it would hurt me if I upset any of them… They have become to me the ones I would like to spend my time with. Except…"
Yumiko suddenly seemed distressed, and ducking her knees to the ground, she covered her face with her hands:
"It's beginning to destroy my attitude in life… At this rate… if I get too attached to them, I'll become dependent on them. It happens to all people, doesn't it? When you can't live without someone."
"How should I know? All my emotions are yours."
"And if I reject Ryou-kun, I become more anxious about it and fully sink into bitterness. Isn't that how I've always reacted to my failures? All my life I've lived like this in the same house with my mother, and I've been in despair for days on end, longing for a new life…"
The girl's lips pressed together, unwilling to accept the schoolgirl's words.
"Only recently have I begun to change," Yumiko continued, "and my life has taken on new colors, all thanks to the friends I only met in my final year. I don't want to go back to my past life and wish to start a new one in which there will be nothing negative… This is my promise as well as the goal I've been aiming for since childhood. To start a new life…"
The girl was surprised at her words, and soon smiled bitterly, "Well, what else can I do to help you? After all, that's what I was made for — to help you whenever you get hard or lonely."
Yumiko stood up from her seat and thanked her sentimentally.
"But first you have to calm down…"
They suddenly found themselves in a peaceful forest of apple blossoms. Yumiko looked around and realized that trees other than apple trees were not present. Looking up, she saw a red apple that was about to fall, so Yumiko puzzledly put up both of her hands and tried to catch the moment when the apple would fall.
Thanks to her keen eyesight, the apple fell gently right into her palms.
"Yumiko-chan, what was the last thing you started to be afraid of?"
"Breaking up with friends…"
"And by the way, are you aware of the fact that you'll be separated after graduation?"
"Yes, and that's what scares me the most."
Yumiko lowered her gaze to the apple. It reminded her of the apple from her past dreams.
"They have done more for me than I think myself, for I have only changed because of them, not only on the outside, but on the inside too."
The girl stopped stomping on the fallen leaves with boredom and looked back at Yumiko.
"So I have to show my best side and accept them. You know, and I was recently able to have a human conversation with Akiko-chan, and as a result I was able to fully understand her. I think I should also forget about the old Akiko-chan, so I can start developing myself. People only look ahead, after all, so I shouldn't lag behind her, otherwise she'll overtake me."
The girl saw the sincere optimism on Yumiko's face, and took note of her suddenly sparkling long hair, which a moment later began to evaporate into thin air. Yumiko appeared to her as a girl with her hair shortened to her neck.
"Shall we go on?" she asked politely, whereupon the girl, stunned by her sincerity, managed only to nod.
They moved on to the yellowing meadows, thanks to the dandelions, where there was tranquility and a light summer breeze.
"How beautiful! Dandelions reign everywhere, covering part of the valley… Do we really have such a fantasy?"
"I suppose these landforms and ecosystems were also created by your inner world, and it goes along with both your character and your dreaming of the new life you desire after graduation at this point."
"It is strange, of course, that you speak in the second person, for we are one," said Yumiko, looking out into the yellowing valley. "I think I feel better now."
"Yumiko-chan, I think you're starting to do fine without me. I think it's about time…"
"Ah, what?"
"It was bound to happen sooner or later, for it's not like you've been relying on me forever."
Silence.
It had been nine years since Yumiko had thought to let her go. She, the little girl created by her mind, was in truth not a separate organism with her own thoughts. She only embodied Yumiko's purposefulness, and the schoolgirl remembered her in her dreams only in extreme moments. In this way, she could get rid of her fear. From the fear that would inevitably continue to reappear again and again, as long as the girl did nothing.
This cycle of life was disgusting to her. Her weakness was coming out. So not to be saddened out of her mind, she came up with a little version of herself at the age of nine.
"I think about it, too. I realized that I want to deal with all my own ailments and stop clinging to the past, because there's a reason I decided to aim for the future, right?"
Yumiko turned politely to the girl, pressing her hands with the apple to the basin. The girl was surprised and took a step back, increasing the distance between them.
"Yumiko-chan, I'm really going to disappear and you'll have to cope on your own…"
"Yeah… It's hard for me to accept too, but it can't go on like this. I've found people I trust completely, and I've started to strive for more serious things. I think I've made another promise to myself, but I'm sure I'll keep moving until they become a reality."
"Your desire for freedom, how strong is it? What are you willing to…sacrifice?"
"It allows me to receive inspiration. Yumiko, I thank you for spending all these troublesome years with me and helping me cope with my ailments, so it is time for me to realize that it is no longer worth locking you up alone. We've got people who are our support, and I shouldn't have to keep you. I'm going to let all the positive things out! This will be my first step toward the happy life I have desired since I was a child!"
"Since this is your focal point of hope for the bright things, there's nothing you can do about it…"
Yumiko and the girl found themselves at an apple tree in the middle of a green field. The little girl lay on Yumiko's lap and cried.
"I don't want to leave, for I won't be able to see you again…"
"You will not leave. From now on, you'll be a full part of me and you can see everything! I'm not lying! You'll see, I'll be independent."
"You should rely less on your brother then… He'll worry."
"Yes, and we'll definitely talk to him. My brother always supports us. It's a pleasure to tell him all our thoughts, because he will certainly listen to them and support us again. I should also rely less on him and move forward on my own, and I think this news will bring him happiness."
"Big brother always worries about Yumiko-chan…"
"Yes, so I assure you I will talk to him about it!"
The girl calmed down a little and stopped crying, whereupon Yumiko wiped her tears with her hand. The girl appeared before Yumiko with the same adorable eyes.
"What a beauty I was back then… I can't believe it myself."
"Yumiko-chan…"
Yumiko closed her eyes and her surroundings darkened beyond recognition. From all sides came the girl's words, "Be free."
***
It was evening outside, and Yumiko's mother never took her eyes off the TV, watching the same TV program and laughing at the top of her voice. Her laughter reached Yumiko's room as well, and meanwhile she was on the phone.
"Okay. Yes, thank you very much. Bye."
She looked happy.
Her mother called her next and told her to make dinner. The girl, without answering anything, put the phone down on the bed and got out of bed.
She guessed that in these few days her mother had not even deigned to look at her daughter's face and notice her short hair. All she did was work god knows where and come home at god knows what time.
By this time her phone screen was clearly showing a history of private messages with a caller called "Brother."