I woke up with the view of Drake's bare chest in front of me. I yawned as I tried not to move to much seeing that he was clearly still asleep.
I was so late for class but honestly I didn't care. I mean, I didn't really want to be there anyway.
I snuggled closer to Drake feeling his warm skin on me not wanting to leave.
I then felt Drake shift a little as if he were waking up and closed my eyes. I don't know why but I did.
I acted like I was asleep keeping my breath smooth and soft even though my heart was racing.
I felt Drake sigh as he started to rub my hair pushing me closer to him. He kissed the top of my head and further intertwined his leg with mine.
"Man Chris is going to to be pissed when he finds out."
Why would Christopher be mad? Is it because I ran off? Well, I guess I didn't really say anything and then stayed with Drake the whole time.
But I feel like there was something else...
Oh, right. Christopher wanted to talk to me. I ran off before that could happen.
Drake's hands moved down along my body over the light t-shirt and I felt chills run down my arms. I moved closer to Drake for warmth and then I felt something off. A warmth on my back.
I tried my best to not react, keeping my eyes closed like I was asleep and my breathing even like I was asleep. I then felt that warm thing move and immediately knew what it was.
I felt Drake's hand on my back start to draw circles with his thumb and couldn't help but freak out a little.
When did that get there?!
His hand then went to an up and down motion along my spine and I tried my best not to make any sudden movements. It tickled a little. I slid a little closer to Drake to try and hide my movements, my lips touching his chest.
His hand moved a bit closer to my side, then slowly up it feeling really smooth. His thumb grazed over my breast as he did and I jolted a little from the feeling.
Crap. Please tell me he didn't notice.
His hands stopped and I felt him shift a bit. I felt his lips on mine and opened my eyes no longer able to hold it in.
In attempt to stop him I only ended up letting his tongue gain access, sliding in filling in my mouth up with it's warmth. He moved me a bit to the side and then to where I was laying on my back hovering over me.
After all of that his hand moved a bit closer getting dangerously close and I tried pushing off again. It wasn't working. In fact, he ended up getting his other hand under making me really panic.
In dire attempt to get him to stop I bit his lip making him release from the kiss but his hands stayed where they were
We were both breathing heavily and Drake looked at me intensely.
"What was that for?"
I felt his hands shift and quickly grabbed them from above the shirt.
"Y-you're hands... they're too close."
I was nervous for sure and i bet Drake could hear that in my voice. It's not like I was trying to hide it.
"You really expect me to keep in control after spending all night with you? Who do you think I am?"
He fought against my hold doing his best to move his hands closer.
"Besides you were willing to do it last night. What's the difference now?"
He has a point there.
"But I-"
"Don't back out on me now."
"But-"
Before I could mutter anything else out he silenced me harshly with his lips.
I couldn't hold back the moan escaping my lips. He was just too good at making me react like this. I almost did want to give everything to him.
Drake finished the kiss and went down to my ear nibbling it just slightly.
"I won't take long. Besides, Christopher is coming to get you soon anyway."
"What?! Why is he coming here? I thought-"
"I called him. They were worried. Sebastian feels bad for what happened and they are kind of my brothers. I can't leave them to feel like absolute trash for not only hurting you but also loosing you."
He stopped for a second looking into my eyes.
"But there's another part of me, kind of bigger part, that wants to claim you before I hand you over."
Claim me?!
"I'm not an object to claim!"
I tried pushing Drake off feeling stuck in the situation having no idea what to do to get out of this.
It was kind of my fault. I did lead him on yesterday not really wanting a response. I guess I just wanted to have a say on something with what is happening. Or really, the reason is because I felt bad for disappointing him.
Drake stopped me making it hard for me to move.
"Fifteen minutes tops."
A shiver ran down my spine.
I may not be a virgin but still, the one time I did it was with Drew and with time. I wasn't ready for a speed run, let alone a second time.
"No Drake! Get off!"
Drake squeezed my thigh making me gasp and grab his arm tightly. A tear hung at a corner of my eye.
Silence.
Just for a second but there was pure and utter silence before Drake sighed.
"You really are confusing. It's making loving you difficult."
I leaned on him from the shock not knowing what to do.
"I'm sorry."
He gently let me down and got up and started walking to the window.
"There's nothing to be sorry about. You clearly don't want to do it. And I get that. I'll just try my best to control myself more."
Now I felt terrible. But I can't act on that feeling. It would only confuse him more. That's the last thing I want to do.
"You should hurry up and change. Chris will be here soon."
I moved to the side of the bed, my legs hanging over the side.
"Yeah. I'll go do that."
I got off and slowly walked to the bathroom.
I was forced to remember what happened over the night and before.
I really am confusing and conflicting. I can see why Drake is struggling. And if he is I can't imagine what the others are like.
The others...
And mom.
Oh shit, mom is gonna be pissed.
I could handle the teachers and sometimes the guys but mom... that was a different story. She knows things. And she has options I didn't like.
Flashbacks came to me and I tried to push them back.
No. I don't need to think about it. It's fine. Just a little longer and I'll be free from that. Free from the thoughts, the guilt, the pain.
Almost a year has passed. I can forget it soon, right?
Drake knocked on the door stopping my train of thought.
"Samantha, you okay? You've been in there for a while now."
"Yeah just thinking."
Sadly.
I wish I couldn't think. Things would be better.
The memories wouldn't haunt me and the guilt wouldn't be as strong.
I quickly changed and stepped out of the bathroom with my head down.
"Samantha, you're not mad about earlier, are you? If you are you need to clarify which part."
I looked up at Drake.
"No its not that. It's just that after what we talked about last night I've been thinking."
Drake paused a bit and started to pull out his hand as if to grab me, comfort me, but held himself back.
"You mean-"
He was cut off by a knock on the hotel room door making me jump a little.
Drake looked at me a little disappointed before going to the door and opening it.
Christopher stood at the door with anything but a pleasant look on his face.
He completely ignored Drake and walked striaght up to me hugging me.
I was shocked.
"Don't ever scare me like that again," he whispered quiet enough so only I could hear it.
"Uh, yeah, s-sorry."
He got off of me giving me a sincere smile and looked at Drake his face back to the way it was before.
"You're lucky I have some self control."
Then he looked at Drake as if finally noticing the fact that he was shirtless.
He clenched his fists.
"What exactly did you guys do?"
"Nothing for you to concern yourself with."
As if completely ignoring what Drake said Christopher looked back at me.
"C'mon Samantha. We need to go."
"Uh, yeah."
I didn't know what to say or do. I mean, this was an awkward situation and one I wasn't familiar with it.
I walked over and grabbed my book bag before handing Drake his shirt.
"Thank you for letting me use this."
Drake grabbed it before lifting my head gently and looking at me with a devilish grin.
"Anytime. And, we'll continue on that talk later."
My heart picked up speed a little.
Great. Just when I thought I had got that under control.
By talk did he mean what I started to talk about before Christopher showed up or the sex thing? I hope it's the first thing.
My heart picked up a little speed as Drake rested his hand on my arm.
Please be the first thing.
Christopher grabbed Drake's arm and roughly pulled it to the side off of mine.
"Let's go Samantha."
Chris then grabbed my arm and started leading me to the door but I for some reason Couldn't drag my eyes away from Drake.
I watched as he frustratingly ran a hand through his hair looking more angry than disappointed to see me leave.
I guess there really was a bigger part of him that wanted to claim me before I left. But, there could be another reason why he looks like that. Maybe not all his intentions are impure.
Christopher's tight grip told me otherwise.
I looked at him a little worried at what was going on. As I looked at him a feeling of pure anger flashed through him and he squeezed my arm from it making me let out a little squeak from the pain.
He stopped and removed his hand looking at me scared.
"S-sorry."
I looked off to the side.
"No, you're fine."
You're angry. At me. At Drake. At what happened. I bet a million things were going through your head making you loose your calm composure.
It was all my fault in the end really. It always has been.
We walked into the elevator in silence and the atmosphere felt as if Christopher had something to say. But I didn't bother it. I didn't want to. I wasn't really looking for things to get worse.
We got to the lobby and I followed Christopher as he led me out and to his car. Still we walked in silence but the thought that he had something to say made things more anxious for me.
I sat in the passengers seat, my heart racing just a bit as I thought back to last night. To what was putting him in this mood. To make him angry at me.
He got into the car and let a frustrated sigh. He ran a hand through his hair much like Drake did and hung his head down.
I wanted to say something. I wanted to fix this. At least make things less awkward and anxious.
"I-"
"He really didn't do anything to you, right? He didn't touch you, right?"
He looked so scared and worried. Like if Drake actually did anything to me, everything would be over.
What would the others do then? They must know what happened too, right?
Scenarios popped in my head and frankly it only made me more exhausted.
He looked at me anxiously waiting for my answer.
"N-no. Not completely..."
Anger seemed to have bursted inside him.
"Next time I see him I swear he's gonna wish he was in that fire."
I started to panic.
"No! Don't hurt him! It's my fault, not his. If anything you should punish me for making a situation like that occur."
He looked at me and I could see his anger only growing. H lifted a hand and I closed my eyes tightly ready for him to hit me or something.
But I was instead greeted with a gentle touch.
I opened my eyes to see Christopher looking at me with a warm look as he gently stroked my cheek.
"I could never hurt you."
"But-"
"I'm mad, yes, and jealous but that isn't for you. It's with the others because honestly I feel like I'm the farthest behind everyone."
I felt my cheeks warm up at that.
"Behind? Behind what?"
"Claiming your love of course."
Right. They all liked me. Even Johnathan which was hard to believe.
I watched as Christopher edged closer to me.
He stared dead straight at my lips.
"Christopher?"
"Please. It doesn't have to be long. Just one kiss is all I ask for."
Kiss?!
He's asking me for a kiss right now after all that's happened?
I felt his hot breath on me and couldn't help but look at his lips. Those soft, full lips of his.
What am I thinking?!
I try to pull back but realize I'm in a car and can't and face him unable to move.
I feel his lips brush off mine for a second before a phone rings interrupting us.
Christopher groans before falling back to his seat pulling out what I assumed was his phone and answered the call.
"This is Christopher Underwood speaking."
Unlike him I freeze in place. Of course my thoughts go straight to what could have happened.
He almost kissed me. Christopher almost kissed me. I didn't think he'd be the type to just do that. I mean, I knew he would sometime but not now! And the way it came up? It just didn't seem like him.
But still...
My eyes lingered on his lips as he talks yet I don't hear a word he says.
I would like to know what he kisses like.
I shook my head.
What am I thinking?! No wonder the situation with Drake was the way it became! I really am the reason for these things.
"I understand. I won't let her leave my sight."
I perked up at what he said as he seemed to be doing his best not to look at me.
"Yes ma'am. I'll talk to you later. Bye."
Chris ended the call and set his phone down then started the car. He drove off not saying a word.
"Chris, who was that?"
His grip on the wheel tightened as he kept looking straight ahead.
"It was your mother."
That helped calm my nerves a little until I thought about something my mom said if things became a problem after they died.
"What did she want?"
Christopher bit his lip obviously not going to respond.
"Fine. Don't tell me."
I folded my arms and looked away watching the world around flash by.
But I couldn't stay quiet.
"At least tell me where we are going."
Christopher sighed as if a little annoyed.
"I'm taking you to school. When it's done I'm taking you straight to your mother.
That didn't sound good.
"Did she say why she needed to see me so soon."
Christopher opened his mouth like he was about to say something but then quickly closed it with a sigh.
"I can't really tell you."
"Oh."
I knew what that meant. I've tried avoiding this option for a year now when my mom always thought it was best.
She probably won't stop to get me a therapist and try to fix my problem.
But there is no problem to fix. It was my fault. I killed them. I'm the reason why things are all messed up. And you can't fix that kind of problem.
Not without getting rid of it.
"Samantha..."
I felt Christopher reach over and grab my hand. I hadn't realized we stopped. I looked at his hand seeing that it was blurry before it cleared, a tear dripping on his hand.
Even after they died I still mess things up.
"Please don't cry. It makes me feel bad. As far as I know you've only cried around me. It hurts me to see that in action."
I forced out a small laugh only for it to sound like a painful groan.
"You can look at it a different way. I'm only comfortable around you enough to let myself cry."
I forced out another laugh but more tears came.
Christopher's other hand wiped away my tears turning my head so I could face him.
My eyes met with his warm ones. I felt more tears come as I looked at him.
At Christopher.
At Justin.
It all came crashing down on me.
"Why... why me? Why them? Why...?"
My chest stung from the pain and I couldn't bear it. It hurt so much.
"Who is them, Samantha?"
I couldn't speak.
"Please tell me. I want to help you."
No. Stop. Make it stop!
The memories, the feelings, the guilt.
Make it stop!
"Samantha!"
I looked at Christopher to see his panicked face. I felt his tight grip on me and looked down at me hands scared to look at him.
I was shaking. I was shaking so much.
What is this? I don't feel anything yet I still feel scared in a way. My head hurts. My hands are numb.
Christopher squeezed my arms making me look back at him.
Why was he holding down my arms so hard?
What happened?
My head pounded in pain and fr a second Chris looked like Justin.
"Ju-"
My voice gave out.
I wanted to cry out to him but I couldn't.
"Screw it. I'm taking you somewhere else."
One of his arms moved but I quickly grabbed it again, my eyes wide.
"Don't... leave me... again..."
"I won't. I'm right here. I just need you to let go for a bit, ok?"
Let go.
Let go.
No.
I can't let go. If I do-
Chris moved his arm a bit.
"No!"
"Samantha... what's going on?"
If I let go, you'll leave again.
I looked back up at Christopher, only being able to see Justin, my vision blurry. Not foggy. They weren't tears.
My head hurt.
It was dark. And cold. And empty. I felt empty.
Justin.
Why?