I looked back at him shocked.
"You guys only did it once, right?"
What kind of question is that?!
I opened my mouth to respond but quickly closed it seeing I didn't want to reapond.
"Then I guess I'll make do with being second."
Wait, what?!
"No, please, it's fine. I mean, maybe some other time, just not now. It's just not the right time, right? Just-"
Drake stopped me by kissing me deeply making me unguarded, moaning just a bit.
"You talk too much sometimes."
My face was red from everything that was happening.
He leaned back in as if ready to start. His hand already got back on my leg and started to travel back up.
"Drake, wait."
I couldn't move my hands as they were being held down by his other hand. I felt his hand getting way to close. Our lips were nearly touching, grazing off mine as he breathed.
"Do you really not want to do this?"
Why did he have to ask me? Now I was going to be confused questioning everything that's been happening and even my own feelings. It wasn't a thing I particularly liked.
And right now I was especially confused.
"I'll be honest, I don't think I'll be able to control myself while alone with you in here. Not to sound typical but I am a guy after all and there's the fact that I'm racing with six other people to have your love. That and you're smoking hot right now in nothing but my shirt."
Not helping.
I looked off to the side hoping to get more time to really think about this.
I really didn't know what to do.
There was no real part of me that said yes to this but there also wasn't a part saying no.
So I did the next best thing.
"I don't know."
Great choice me.
"How can you not know? It's a pretty simple question."
He moved his hand up as if to help persuade me into an option only making me freeze in place.
He locked eyes with me.
"Do you want me or not?"
Oh god yes. At least, that's what my hormones are telling me. The logical side of me is saying I'd regret this later because no good can come from it. But he so hot right now and he did have his shirt off. And I did have practically nothing on. And we did feel something for each other. Well, he did have a different idea of things.
In short, everything was set up.
"Let me remind you that you started this. You were the first one to latch onto me. I only responded."
NOT HELPING!
He leaned in close.
"You wouldn't let go of me. You even kissed me first. You complied to sitting on my lap and even laying on me. And I also remember you grinding on my-"
"Okay! I get it!"
Please don't say anymore. I'm embarrassed enough as it is.
"You sent the signs first. All I'm wanting to do is respond to them."
They felt right at the moment.
I should have known better.
"I'm not exactly in the mood for that now. And I'm not in the right of mind. I don't know why I've been doing some of these things."
There, that should work.
"Seriously? Did I turn you off or something? Was it from all the talking we've done?
Or not.
"I was actually trying to make you say yes so I wouldn't have to hold myself back anymore."
Just how much did these guys like me?
He sighed and let go of me getting up looking to the side.
"Fine. I won't do anything. It's getting late anyway."
He moved over and sat on the side of the bed with his legs hanging over while I just stayed frozen in place.
That easy?
Why do I feel bad about this?
I watched as he moved over and grabbed his pack of cigarettes and lighter popping one out and lighting it. He took in a very long drag before blowing it out holding the cigarette between his fingers.
"You can go ahead and sleep in the bed. I'll sleep on the floor."
I sat up while looking at his disappointing face now wishing I kind of said yes. Now what was I supposed to say? Or even do?
I just overall felt bad and guilty. It made me want to go back and just let him do it.
I placed my hand on his shoulder not thinking especially when the words left my mouth.
"You promise to be gentle?"
His eyes grew wide shocked at my question and to be honest so was I. I didn't think those words would actually leave my mouth.
He put a hand on mine and smiled.
"Don't do this to make me feel better. I'll wait if it means having feeling behind it. Besides, I wouldn't want to force it upon you."
"But-"
"Samantha. Look me right in the eyes and tell me you want to do it."
Immediately I averted my gaze.
"See? I wouldn't feel right doing it with you if you were only half hearted to doing it."
'But before you were all in for it."
Why am I trying to convince him now?
"And you are?"
I backed off seeing I was only being dumber adding on to the situation.
I just grabbed his arm and kept my head down as I said my last thing.
"At least sleep in the bed with me. I'd feel bad if I left you to sleep on the floor and it's the least I can do with all that's happened."
I didn't regret what I said this time and really meant it.
He sighed.
"Are you just trying to make me do you?"
"N-no! I just thought that was a good alternative to everything that's happened but now that I think about it..."
I stopped seeing I was rambling again.
"S-sorry..."
I laid my head down on his shoulder still looking down as I did.
He laughed a little and I felt his shoulder shake as he did.
"You really do talk a lot."
I gripped his arm tighter extremely embarrassed.
I felt him shift a bit making my head slide off his shoulder. He faced me and placed a hand on my chin lifting it up to make me face me.
"I still love you. No matter what."
Heat rose to my cheeks as he said that and I let go of him feeling embarrassed yet again.
"I'll go turn off the lights. Go ahead and get comfortable."
I nodded my head not wanting to really talk anymore.
I climbed into the blankets of the bed feeling so warm. Now that it was quiet I could hear that it was raining. Barely though.
The lights went out and I listened as Drake quietly walked back to the bed and climbed in next to me.
Instinctively he crawled in close to me and wrapped his arms around me pulling me to him. His bare chest was in front of me and he rested his head on top of mine. One of his hands rested on my hip while the other was just out on the bed. He laced in one of his legs between mine and then got comfortable.
"Comfortable?"
He laughed.
"You know it."
Honestly I was comfortable myself. Having him like this isn't so bad. Even though he recently smoked and the smell was so strong on him, I didn't mind. It suited him.
My eyelids started to get heavy as I felt sleep edging in.
I'm glad I ran. As selfish and weird as it sounds. I'm glad I did it. It was worth it to experience this. As awkward and weird as this was.
I snuggled in close to Drake feeling myself to doze off.
"Goodnight Samantha," Drake whispered in my ear as he started to play with my hair.
I murmured something that seemed like a goodnight to me before falling asleep in Drakes arms.