"I feel like shit."
Sigh, I wonder where did I go wrong in life, huh... Stupid. The answer is already obvious.
I stared at the cigarette at my hand before I puffed it again, shaking my head from that random repetitive question in my head that always keep appearing every time I experience a minor inconvenience.
"Man, I wish I didn't drop out in high school before." Those were the kind of things I usually say throughout the entire time of me lazing around here inside my apartment.
Comparing this place to my room in our old house, this feels like a shit hole but I think it's better this way.
There's a lot of trash bags everywhere, a lot of cigarette butts and ashes on the floor, empty bags of chips, spilled canned beer and few leftovers of cocaine and some other unnamed drugs in the table but I pretty much don't mind. Yeah, this is indeed a shit hole. My very own nasty kingdom.
I wonder what would the young me think of this if he see his shabby useless adult self? Will he hate me? Or will he just laugh it off knowing that is already bound to happen?
Looking back, what I thought to be a bad page of my life which I referred as "youth" was actually the best part. I'm just too dumb to realize it.
I can't believe that the best moment I only have before I die was something I deemed the worst back in the day.
Oh well, whatever. Staying here for another minute to rot away will just drag me down to the pits of self-hatred again so I decided to get up from my bed and opened the window for a change ー! Ahh... Too bright...
Assuming the brightness of the sun, it's more or less ten in the morning right now. I better have breakfast now.
"..." Hm?
I don't have any more money left for dinner tonight, huh.
I opened my wallet and a single 500 yen was all that was left for me. I feel like crying right now but it's my fault anyways that I became this poor so nevermind.
Good thing cup noodles were invented for poor people like me because without it, I don't know what to eat anymore. I mean, I can cook eggs and curries too but I don't have the energy to make it nor have the money to buy ingredients for it. Besides, it's pretty cold anyways that's why among those three, cup noodles are the best choice.
"It's so hard to move around this garbages..." I irritatedly muttered for the last time as I tried to walk away from this sea of trash. To add, stinks big time here, not gonna lie.
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"Thank you for your patronage."
The convenience store employee boorishly said to me as I exited the place.
Where are their usual cheerful smiles though? Somehow, people around me are seem to be having long faces. I mean, it's a usual Japan thing to be always look so serious but I haven't been outside for a while now so seeing them look more tired and resigned than usual kinda weirds me out.
Is it because of winter season that everyone looks so grim?... Not me though. Whatever the season is, I always look like this. I'm not particularly sad or anything, this is just how I look like. I mean, I'm never happy so I never smile but that's not the point here.
But seriously though, I haven't encountered anyone that is smiling for today? Talk about seasonal depression. It's contagious in a way.
Almost all the people in Japan become zombies when winter season hits. Pretty funny thing.
Well, most of Japanese people naturally looks tired of life however, it really is different when it's around this time of the year again. It's just that, negativity mysteriously scatters in the air faster than ever.
Seeing them all like that somehow makes me glad though. I feel like I'm not alone anymore because everyone right now is probably feeling the unhappiness I'm also feeling.
Christmas ended just a few days ago too so it's pretty much understandable that the people is in low spirits.
I just want to mention this but for those who are getting underpaid overtime on their work on Christmas season, I wish you guys good luck.
But seriously, I bet their pitiful asses will be revived in New Year's Day though but I doubt it'll last long before they return to their usual zombie selves.
Ahh, living sucks. I wish a meteor kill us all..?
Hm?
After coming back from a short shopping if you call it shopping, even from afar, I can clearly see the landlord of the apartment where I'm currently living in. He's waiting for someone, probably.
"Old man. What are you doing here?" I casually approached him.
"Oh. I'm just waiting for you to come back because I'm planning to invite you for a breakfast. You seem to be ignoring your health these days. You're losing weight, you know." The landlord looked at me worriedly.
"Gross." I scoffed. "What's with you, old man? Well, I'm actually fine with this." I then showed him a plastic bag containing two cup noodles before I opened the door of my place which is literally just beside his. "Oh, by the way, I might come over for a dinner though." I added.
"I see." And with that, our conversation ended.
The landlord is a very nice guy. He always looks up to me like I'm his son because his real family are already gone. Not necessarily dead except her wife. The only family he has is his daughter who we haven't saw here for weeks now.
That girl is such a brat. Always making his father worried. Honestly, I don't even know if that kid is still alive. Just where on earth is that kid hiding?
Going back to the landlord, he's a pretty chill guy to hang out with. We often drink, play card games and simply talk about our lives when we feel like it.
To be honest, he's probably the closest father figure I have in me because my real family is just a bunch of assholes.
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"Knock, knock."
"Oh, it's you. Come in."
And with just a simple knock, the landlord let me entered his place, which is again, just beside mine. I moved around the place with familiarity because I've been visiting here for a while now. I'm even the one who prepared the food for us. He cooked it though so this was the best help I could offer.
The moment we both finally sat comfortably, I stroke the conversation in probably, the most rude way but I don't care. I hope he's not mad. "No offense old man but the real reason why I'm here is because I don't have any more money to buy my own dinner. I already spent it all this morning." I haven't eaten anything since then.
"You really are so frank hahaha! Not that I mind. Anyways, please help yourself. I cooked a few more in case Airi comes home for dinner tonight. Here. Have it. We can eat it all together."
"You're a very kindhearted person, old man. I wonder why are your daughter still acting rebellious towards you." This was what I said though it's mostly interrupted by my eating noises for every words I say. I hope he understands what I'm saying because this food is godly that I couldn't stop eating while talking.
Well, I literally just babbled whatever first come to my mind so it's nothing important than the dinner for tonight (which is fried chicken and spicy chicken curry by the way).
It's very delicious! I'm not exaggerating. It's been days since I ate human food such as this.
"That girl Airi... I hope she's doing well." The old man whispered as he also took a bite on his food.
"For me man, just my opinion but your daughter is probably doing fine right now. She always do this. In fact, she may be more independent than we think she is. Airi is already in college so relax a little. You're worrying too much."
"Yeah... You're probably right but can she at least call me or something? What if something happens to her? Does she really hate me that much?" The old man suddenly stopped eating and began speaking.
"I... I don't think she hates you though, I guess? Because there's just no way a cool and nice guy like you will make his daughter feel miserable and sad, right?"
"You think so?"
"Yeah. You're the best like this curry... Anyways, old man. Can you turn on the TV? I haven't watched any news for a while, you see..."
"Ah, eh. Okay."
After he turned on the TV, we resumed eating peacefully.
As I watch the news, it seems the world is still okay. The news are basically telling you almost the same things it brings everyday. Nothing is new.
"What happened to your television in your apartment?" The old man asked.
"It broke last month. I forgot to buy one..." Of course I didn't forgot it. I badly want to watch some New Year special on TV but it's just that I don't have the money to buy a new one for now.
"I see. Well, I hope you can buy a new one."
"Yeah, I hope so too."
The landlord is kind. Do I really deserve his forgiveness and help?
Ever since I came here to live, I did nothing but to laze around and be a burden to him yet, this old man still befriended and accepted me.
This is probably a debt for a lifetime.
"Breaking news!"
Huh?
A sudden announcement on the TV caught me off guard. Not just me but the old man here also got his attention taken by that sudden announcement.
"People of Japan, I'm here to tell you that a gigantic meteor, which is reportedly about as big as the size of the Moon, is about to hit Earth at an alarmingly fast rate. If this continues, our chances of survival is unlikely. The meteor will hit the surface of Earth at approximately three days."
What?
"Everyone. Please calm down. The government..."
I felt like despite the fading noise from the TV, everything went frozen and silent and the time suddenly stopped its hand from moving.
Y-You must be kidding me now..!