'The one in darkness shall never uphold the treasure'
Those words keeps reappearing on my mind, I was dumbstruck not knowing what does it truly means.
It felt of those ancient times, like a ritual or something. An unusual call for someone or a prayer.
I learned latin when I was little, mom has always been determined of teaching me the language. She told me one day I am able to use it.
I used to think that it was just a silly reason to coaxed me of learning it not until now, somehow it awakens my inner curiosity.
The past three years is when my life started to become weird, in addition with that weird dream that stays until today.
The struck of the sunrays covered the half my face, as I strutted along the empty streets.
My eyes crinkled in the corners, as my lips lifted almost near my ear. There was that glow of sunshine shone upon my gleaming eyes. An eye of excitement and joy.
Remembering the first time Raven pulled my waist and kissed me, the day he told me he loved me, those times our love is boiling out of sweetness.
I pulled the tickets out of my bag as I set a foot outside his apartment. And as my lungs lets out a heavy breath.
My hand rolled up and did a couple knocks on the huge door. As I heard the footsteps coming towards the door, my heart beats so loud that I could almost hear it clearly and fast, like in any minute my chest would completely explode.
It felt like something I've never felt before, suspicious, doubting and intimidating.
And that one click of the door made me regret coming to the place at all. My eyes widened in tears and confusion. It's bewildering me for all cause.
"C-celeste?" I stammered. My muscles became rigid as I yelp in silence.
She was stiffly standing nakedly in front of me, as the piece of blanket only covers her body. Her expression made it clear that she wanted to explain but a croaky voice interfered.
"Honey!"
"H-honey?" I repeated with a question mark, as my voice started to become brittle.
I moved my eyes down and found the ring on her finger. That was enough reason to explain everything.
As soon as Raven set his foot behind Celeste, his eyes went shaking out in fear, there was that glimpse of pity I saw internally, he was ashamed of what chaos he has done.
"B-babe let me explain," he said in quavering voice. His eyes became weary as he tried to reach out my shoulders but I avoided his touch.
"Don't fucking touch an inch of my skin."
My voice was completely rigid with a pause in every end of each word, determining the warning I had set for him. Although for the fact, that inside me feels like I've fallen into a pile of cactuses.
I felt my heart bursting in pain as it has been punctured a million times over by tiny pins. Like there was a burning inside my lungs that I'm desperately trying to draw enough air to sustain my functionality.
But amongst all that emotion battling in chaos inside me, my face remained calm as if I wasn't trying to fight the storms and war within. My body improved its posture, I kept my legs aligned with my shoulders as I stand upright with my back straight and chest out.
To face him—to face them, as if I weren't affected at all from what they have done but honestly, my knees were struggling to give up and my feet were numb to runaway. All I aimed to do is to cry, to let the pain out from the chambers of my heart but I can't, not in front of them.
I looked at their eyes once more, the eyes I will never forget for betrayal. As I took a deep breath before I threw the plane tickets off to their faces and pulled myself away.
In each momentum I pushed in every move, my legs became more weary 'til I completely fell on the ground. I tried to pull myself up but I couldn't, my body shaken as loud gasped filled the ambiance of my atmosphere.
The tears in my eyes began to fall like a river as I chew my lower lip, struggling enough to swallow down a still- beating heart.
Which feels like the depression is starting to live within me. I never knew fighting with storms and chaos will ever be this hard, and mending betrayal from the two most important people in your life would ever be this heart breaking.
Like:
'Where did I go wrong? What's with her that I don't have? What's exactly our difference? Which part did I lack?'
There was no embarrassment I've felt once venting my pain along the streets, feelings are uncontrollable and spontaneous. People would probably reconsider my state for I am only trying to be a human-to just exist.
I gathered my self up slowly feeling numb from everything that happened. There was no exact destination my mind had thought. It was completely blank like a piece of paper.
Guess we should not try to attach ourselves too much to someone. Life is just a trial path. People come and go. Sometimes, someone is just there for a lesson or a reason.
And we should not put relevance of our serious emotions to someone, you'll never know one day the only reason they are with you is to hurt you and forsake your capability of loving someone again.
"One Heineken please," I ordered as the bartender slide the can of beer towards me. The multi-colored lights inside the club is blinding my eyes, as loud beat of sound covers the entire room.
The earsplitting noise felt like nothing but silence on my ears, time has passed and the invariant equatorial phenomena happens which called "the prelude of dawn".
Since the place itself is an opened wall, I could clearly see how the sky is painted with vivid colors into darkness. As twilight drops her curtain down and pins it with a star.
My vision began to get blurry and I stumbled the moment I carried myself off the chair but instead of feeling the pain, a guffaw escaped my mouth.
Every part of me felt numb feeling pain, do we supposed to be really have to be feeling the ache? Can't we just be sensationless? Can I live once not feeling any pain at all?
As I pull myself off the ground, sceneries around me began to dance within my vision. Is this how is it to be drunk? You're able to see the world swirling like a piece of an art—Abstract.
I walk out from the place and began to laugh, thinking how humorous it is to see the path swirling. As I've never walked on a swirling road before.
For an instance, a strike of pain squeezes my heart as tears began to play it's role again.
When I reached the bridge the waters seems so calm down there, it's looks totally different from everything.
Like a voice ringing inside my ear saying " Come down here and let me hug you."
That made me totally burst out, if crying makes you ugly then let be rather than looking beautiful in everyone's eye sight but inside you felt like a ranging storm is trying to
fight a war. Having a dead heart while breathing and looks presentable makes you wished to just get buried at all.
"Are you happy? Are you happy for taking what's mine?! For stabbing me in the back a millionth times?!" My voice shattered like a broken glass in the air, in a cold breeze of the night within the dark hallow space
Real friends don't steal and in this world be mindful whom to trust with, sometimes the one with the sweetest face has the darkest plans.
My irrationality and unconscious mind persuaded me to the urge of the voice in my ear. I wanted to feel an embrace, a sympathy no one has given me.
As I made my way on top of the bridge's railing, my knees trembled but not once I had ever felt fear inside me. The bridge itself felt like swinging in the air.
One thing that comes on my mind before I closed my eyes was the necklace my mom had given me. I took it off and gently put it inside my zippered short underneath my dress.
The moment I finally closed my eyes, the wind blew hard that its coldness started to go through my bones. And like the darkness itself played a soothing sound.
Once, I heard the voice calling on my ear again.
Saying:
"Jump my dear, and I will embrace you, and wipe the pain off your heart."
I hop off and the light air carries my body down softly, feels exactly like coming down from heaven to be reincarnated but as soon as I reached the waters, it woke me up from stupidity.
I pushed myself with arms and legs to pull myself out of the waters but, I could not find any leverage. Remembering my inability to swim. The more I struggle the more i'm dragging myself down.
Saw the shimmer of light rippling on the water's surface, teasing me, mocking how vulnerable i am.
I opened my mouth for air but waters filled my lungs, which made my breathing slowly dying. As my vision began to shut off, a figure of a man was caught betwixt my eyes.
His image was blurry but my assumption of his gender is accurate. As his not so long hair floats within the water that covers his eyes.
His arm wrapped around my waist and put his soft lips on mine. It opened my mouth and an oxygen then filled my lungs.
"You're not allowed to die." he said in a mandatory tone. As his palm touches my face.
The oxygen he gave me brought me back to life but darkness swallowed me.