Chase has been snickering at Lia for the past hour.
Every time she turns her back to him, he chuckles a little, and it's annoying as fuck.
She doesn't know what his deal is. He won't tell her. He won't even reveal his reason for laughing, no matter how many times or how insistently she asks him.
"What are you so happy about?" she questioned him as she was styling her hair in front of the bathroom mirror. The man was leaning against the bathroom's door frame, snickering.
"Nothing," he said before letting slip another poorly suppressed laugh. "I just saw something nice."
Lia glared at him as he pretended to wipe the tears of laughter from his eyes. What's so fucking funny?
"Something nice?" she asked in annoyance. "Are you seeing this nice thing projected on the back of my shirt? You're laughing literally behind my back! Why are you laughing at me?"
Chase completely ignored her serious inquiries and burst out laughing again instead, before attempting to try and calm himself down. "My bad, my bad!" he said as he caught his breath, "Pretend that I am an idiot and laughing for no reason at all."
The joke was on him. She already thought he was an idiot.
His laughter was especially annoying because of the timing. She was almost running late to a school function. She had come back from work, exhausted, like usual. She told herself that she would take a quick power nap before she washed up and dressed again to go back to the school, for that one event every year that she dreaded the most: the teacher-parent conference.
Here's why she dreaded that event so much: no one likes her.
And that is not a reflection of her character, it is just something that comes with the job. Nobody likes the math teacher. Not only do parents think they ruin their kids' grade point average, they also hate them for the homework the teachers force them to do with their kids.
So yeah, her jerk roommate laughing without a clear reason behind her back was not helping with her self-esteem.
She was running between her bedroom and the bathroom they shared, scrambling to get ready. She wore the first ironed thing she saw in the closet and tried to make her hair cooperate with her. She was multitasking. With socks on her shoulder and shoes in her hands, she tried to locate her keys.
Chase was trailing behind her the entire time, laughing quietly behind her back. For a reason, that was still unknown to her.
"Chase?" she called out without looking at the man.
Unprompted, he answered her with, "The answer is yes, those pants make your ass look big."
Lia groaned loudly. She had no time to deal with him. "DID YOU SEE MY KEYS? I swear I left them here an hour ago!" She was flustered.
"Are you going out?" he asked, not being helpful.
"Yes! Oh my gosh! Why can't I find them?"
"Where are you going?" Chase asked, clearly ignoring the look of annoyance she was shooting his way.
"Why are you asking me these questions, Chase? Have you seen my keys? And wipe that grin off your face!" she narrowed her eyes at him, getting on the edge.
"Why are you dodging my questions?" he asked as he crossed his arms. He stood too close to her, like usual. His bulky, towering frame made it hard for her to move or breathe.
"Get out of my way!" she glared at him and asked again, punctuating her words, "Did you take my keys?"
"Why would I?" the man snorted in laughter. "I will help you look for them if you tell me where are you going."
"Ugh! I know you hid them. Forget it!" she said resolutely and threw her hands up in the air. "I am going out without them. You stay home and open the door for me when I get back!"
Stopping her in her tracks, he asked, "Are you going on a date?"
"What?" she asked and looked up at him to try to understand his thought process. Why on earth would he think I would wear a tweed blazer on a date?
"You look nice," he commented, looking her up and down. He was clearly checking her out.
She blushed, obviously, and didn't respond. But she contemplated the idea of lying to him to test his reaction. To test him like he was testing her patience.
"You are, aren't you?" the man decided that her silence was a confirmation that she was going on a date.
"Why are you asking?" Lia actually wanted to know that.
Chase held her gaze for a second, his face turned serious before he said firmly, "You can't go out."
He said it so seriously that it shocked her a little.
"Excuse me??"
The man chuckled a little, she assumed, at the look on her face, and elaborated, "You can't go out dressed like that. Change your outfit. Your pants especially." he said as he looked down at the pair of pants she was wearing.
She looked down too, "Why? What's wrong with these?" she was hoping for a serious, reasonable response.
He held her gaze again before reaching behind his head to scratch the back of his neck in apparent discomfort. "They reveal... too much."
Chase's comment, for some reason, made her blush, but she didn't have time for his vague interjections, "Whatever... I didn't ask for your fashion advice."
She grabbed her bag and made a move for the door, but he stood in her way and held his right arm out to block her from leaving. She tried to keep walking, but he wouldn't let her, and she couldn't push past him.
"Sweetheart, I'm serious." the man said this with yet another annoying chuckle that totally contradicted his 'serious' claim. She was pressing her body against his, trying to push past him, but she couldn't even make him budge. And when she stopped trying, he held her in place, his hands firm on her upper arms.
Lia was glaring up at him, and his eyes were cast down, holding her gaze. He elaborated, "I can't let you leave the apartment like this for two reasons. One of which you might not care about, so I am not going to bother you with it, but you might be interested in the second reason."
"Which is?" she asked as she tried but failed to break free out of his hold. She stopped struggling to listen when he leaned down to whisper in her right ear.
"There is a hole in your pants and it's revealing your underwear." he pulled back to watch the change in her expression, "I am sorry, I thought it was cute while you were getting ready, but I am not so callous as to let you walk out the door like this."
Fuck.
Chase started chuckling again and let go of her upon seeing the look of mortification on her face.
"YOU JERK!" Lia shouted as she reached out to feel the back of her pants. And sure enough, there was a huge gaping hole almost the size of a fist, right in the middle. She couldn't believe she hadn't noticed it! Or hadn't felt the breeze. Surely her underwear was not that thick. Was her butt numb to feel anything? No wonder the jerk laughed every time she bent over. "Is this what you've been laughing about?!"
"YEAH!" the man yelled back, extremely happy with himself. His mouth was wide open in silent but hysterical laughter. He was nearly doubled over at that point, hands on his stomach.
He was not really helping with her self-esteem.
She wanted to kick him in the nuts.
But at least he didn't let her go out to the teacher-parent conference with pants ripped through the crack and her penguin patterned underwear hanging out.
"You're a child! If you were decent, you would have told me sooner!" Lia shouted at him again.
He stopped laughing and cooed at her, "Aww, come on, sweetheart..."
She ran to her bedroom and locked the door behind her, but not before yelling at him again, "GO TO HELL, CHASE!"
The man was still snickering when she re-emerged from her bedroom after changing into... not ripped pants.
She was unquestionably late to the damn conference.
But that's not at all.
As if he knew where she was going all along and what she needed exactly, he handed her the keys she was looking for earlier.
And to mess with her, he winked and said, "Do you take your laptop to all your dates?"
*****