Not even Silvana herself, including the two people in the room, had noticed that Silvanna had a shy face due to the temporary or permanent loss of function of the limbs, the loss of control over the striated muscles due to injuries to the nervous system or damage to the brain.
''You're right. So you know, this is the first time I've ever done something like this…" Aldrich muttered with slight sarcasm.
Elfida said to Aldrich, somewhat relieved by the good feeling she had in her sister's soul. How do other people's emotions affect us?
"I think it's better the first time."
''Cough! L-witch. ''
''What?''
Aldrich raised his eyebrows, giving the little witch a small facial expression. Although he wasn't as excited as he had expected, this marriage event was a very different experience for him. He would have to think for a very long time to describe his feelings and thoughts in words. Unlike when he was walking through the door, taking off the ring, waiting for Silvanna's response, he had now returned to his cold and calm state.
Maybe it never was...
Whatever.
"Silvanna, your sister Elfida came here to be our witness today. Are you surprised? If you're upset with her or miss her, just pour out what's inside. The three of us have been through a lot of shit, but life still goes on. We must stick to each other tightly. We should not give up on difficulties. ''
Since Silvanna has to try very hard even to speak a few words, it is a matter of curiosity what kind of conversation will be between the two sisters.
''Then Mr. Aldrich, I'm going to take some of your wife's time to myself. Today must be your happiest day! ''said Elfida, as Aldrich put the blue ring on Silvanna's ring finger.
" My Wife." Aldrich felt a little strange when he said the unfamiliar word.
"Now you are my wife. And I am your husband." There was a strange and somewhat embarrassing feeling.
Silvanna's eyebrows moved in a way similar to the vibration of a stretched bow.
Elfida stopped her steps when she saw that Aldrich wanted to say something. The dust of the shame of the two did not touch Elfida.
''I was scared for a moment. That you will throw me into the abyss. This is the human heart. It either crumbles in someone else's hand or hurts in someone else's hand. Silvanna, you're that other person haha...''
Hmm ... Now that dust of shame seemed to be on the tip of her nose.
"The nature of the world we live in and human beings are surprisingly designed to be able to hope. There comes a time when we drown in sadness and despair... Every breath you take, everything you see is such feelings. Maybe we live without sleep and food for a while and think about it until we pass out. Even in the most difficult situation, we eventually fall asleep..''
"And in fact, every new awakening becomes more hopeful. If we were organisms that live without sleep without interruption, if we didn't take a break for a while, maybe hope would be a virtue that few of us have.."
Silvanna's heart jumped. She was like mink birds that heard the sound of the rifle and fled from the tree.
At first, she meant Aldrich, but then her address changed.
''Al--''
''H-ub-bb-b-y...''
Aldrich's heart trembled. The words are fascinating...
"The world we live in teaches us to hope. We hope that their trees will bloom and turn green every spring, and we hope that after every cold winter, summer will come. Our soul, which has been worn out for a short time by deaths, continues to hope with births... Just like the hope of finding water in a desolate and vast desert.''
''No one can change the whole world. But he can affect himself/herself and his/her living space, the circle he/she has drawn... And all changes start with a person first.
''The person himself or herself.''
Silvanna, there was a silence in her heart after Aldrich's words. She felt a chill in her spine as she thought this man's heart could see most.
This man...
It was like watching the rainfall on a dried-up water canal.
It's a nice feeling.
"I li-k-e pr-e-se-nt,"
"Haha... I'm glad you like it my sunflower."
''Ok. Ok. Come on, get away." Elfida pushed Aldrich aside with her foot, away from Silvanna.
Laughing with a dry throat, Aldrich stood up. He walked slowly towards the window. He stroked the white ring on his ring finger. had to be said that Aldrich was seriously proficient in the art of speech. Although he said nice words for Silvanna ...
Even his breathing was tired. He didn't believe what he was saying.
But he hoped.
Raindrops falling from the dark clouds were hitting the glass of the window.
Aldrich looked at the sound of the rain. He listened to the rain hitting the window hard.
İt was inviting him.
Every drop that hit the glass devastated him.
It was the rain that would take Silvanna away from him today.
It was the rain that would flood the two birds' new, established nest.
Every drop had its tears.
Every time the rain knocked on his door, he thought it was time.
He feared to seek in vain what he wanted.
It will rain again, it will take me away from me. [1]
How will I bear to lose you...
The voice inside Aldrich spoke to him like a friend's advice. Love but don't fall in love because everything that falls is broken! You're so caught up in this kind of thing, young man!
Most people think of the color blue when they think of the sky, but today, whoever looks up to the sky, the only color they will see is black, the deepest color of darkness. Among the dark clouds, lightning began to show itself more and more.
Black and purplish flashes of lightning depicted a strange beauty.
The rain continued to increase and turned into slowly a tsunami. Aldrich poked his head out of the window and saw that the water level, With every drop that touched the ground, its height began to rise.
The wind turned into hurricanes and tornadoes. Along with the howling of the wind, trees were bending to the right and left in rhythmic movements. Some trees were broken from bending too low to the ground.
But the 'real' didn't matter.
For Aldrich, the 'truth' or the real was worthless...
The voice inside him whispered to Aldrich. According to Aldrich, he psychologically associated this voice with the voice inside, not with a voice with which he could communicate with the outside world. It didn't count as hypocrisy because that voice was part of his being. It was his voice, but it wasn't him. It was objective. He was selfish and objective… More than once he had spoken in a voice that belonged to his dark and cold side.
Ever since he was little, he always decided with this voice. He wrote his life story with this voice. Until a few months ago, although not always, he would mostly follow what this voice said and agree with what the voice said. Until a few months ago ... Maybe that's why there was a fit of slight anger in the current tone of his voice.
"You are like this because of the spiritual and psychological scars created by the effect of time and hormones. Is Silvanna very important to you? Really? Was it like that a few years ago? No, Aldrich. No! You didn't even know her yet! You know yourself better than 'me'. Don't fool yourself! You communicated with that girl because Silvanna has beautiful skin and a pure heart. If you didn't have similar interests and work environments, you would be reluctant to even communicate. I doubt you'll have the opportunity, even if you're too eager! Aren't you ashamed to speak by putting the fiasco called to love as a shield? Oh sorry, you forgot your shame in kindergarten when you were 6 years old. Do not be mad at me. You always say that. ''
"Shut the puch up for a few seconds, please? You sound very aggressive and I am tired.''
Against Aldrich's will, the little voice inside him insisted on speaking.
"If you were a dirty, despicable, nasty, treacherous, lustful person, would the funny concept you call love to happen between the two of you again? What if you had made another choice in this story? İf you looked a little horny in Silvanna's eyes, would you come to this hospital??? What if you put her sister's theories into play? Aldrich! There is something with a bad habit. It comes out sooner or later. It's called 'real'. REAL. A concept that includes itself in the process of existence without needing anything else! A Miraculous Existence! ''
Aldrich couldn't help mocking his inner voice. '' Real? It is everyone's perception and interpretation of an event in their own way. No matter how concrete an existing person may seem, no matter how objective he or she tries to be; the life of a person is shaped according to his life experience and it is an acceptance according to him or her. Stopping and thinking don't change the truth... It only allows you to get closer to your truth.''
"Since you know me well... you should know what I'm going to say. Why do we need to worry about the past? Isn't that stupid? It's over and why do I need to look back? All my life I was afraid of being stupid. I can never get rid of being ignorant, but I can avoid being stupid. Look! I'm standing here right now. I'm with Silvanna. She is my wife. Maybe my purpose in existence is to stand next to this sick girl. Have you ever seen a stone question the reason for its own existence? ''
"You are not stone." The small voice said rhetorically. Well, it wasn't very convincing.
'Are you going to say I am a human? Who knows. Hahaha...''
''There is a word, little voice. ^Whoever wants to give birth to a dancing star must first experience great turmoil and chaos within himself. This disease, changes in the world, famine, wars... Maybe it is for the birth of more than one star.^ ''
Hearing Silvanna saying 'let's hug you both', Elfida couldn't hold herself anymore. The times she spent with Silvanna flashed before her eyes like a film strip. She hugged Silvanna's body tightly. She had just realized that she couldn't use words to express herself.
Maybe just a hug would be enough.
''I love you, sis.''
''Hich''
"I can't stand you being in pain!"
''Do not abandon me.''
She knew that Silvanna lived in pain and discomfort every day. Most people with this disease committed suicide because they could not stand the pain.
''Sorry... I don't want this. Hich.''
''I- Hich Hich!''
It was a simple and lonely but profound word like luck.
Everyday. Silvanna, every damn day, endured a pain she never knew existed. Yet she was fighting for survival. Maybe Silvanna had already given up on herself and was enduring the pain because of Aldrich.
She couldn't know.
But that smile she saw today had told her a lot.
"Because I couldn't be with you..." Elfida's words were not heard as the rest of her sentence.
''I'm afraid. "Elfida's beautiful black hair looked messy and sloppy. She said again, shifting her head lightly to Silvanna's shoulder.
"In a world without you -" She tried to swallow the words that came to the tip of her tongue. There were so many emotions...so many regrets.
''I l-ov-e y-u both.''
Silvanna's face, adorned with fixed lines, was as solid as an ice cube. A few pearls drops trickled from her blind eyes. Sick lips parted and glued together let the words run free.
Aldrich heard Silvanna's voice as he looked out of the window. Silvanna barely said a few words to the two people in the hospital room, with emotion evident in her voice. As Aldrich understood, Silvanna wanted to hug both him and Elfida.
Aldrich turned his head back and muttered. "What sort of shooting star is that?"
While Aldrich muttered, he was looking at the sick one of the two sisters as if he had seen something dazzling.
===
A/N : Happy Anniversary. One day closer to death!
[1] It will rain again, it will take me away from me. The 'me' mentioned in the sentence is the 'me' that is inside all of us. It is a similar thought to the ego concept, but it is much deeper and has much deeper roots than the ego concept. Since it is a sentence containing many philosophies, I hope that a sentence from this poem will help you. It may be a language barrier.
There is an 'I' inside me, inner than myself.
-Yunus Emre
Turkish poet.
What Yunus Emre meant was neither something that was said under the influence of multiple personality disorder nor any other psychological insanity. Yunus Emre is one of the enlightened people of our planet.
It tells the difference between the illusion created by the mind and the possessed self and a greater self-connected to the whole being.
Knowing yourself means understanding what you are.
What Yunus Emre meant was neither something that was said under the influence of multiple personality disorder nor any other psychological insanity. Yunus Emre is one of the enlightened people of our planet.
It tells the difference between the illusion created by the mind and the possessed self and a greater self-connected to the whole being.
Knowing yourself means understanding what you are.
===
-Rumi (Mevlana Celaleddin-i Rumi)
Persian poet
"There is a life in your soul, look for that life!
"Search for the hidden gem in the mountain of the body!
"Search with all your might, a friend who is walking away!
"But not outside, seek within yourself what you seek."