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My Roguelike RPG System

Torpedo_Shogun
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Synopsis
Noah was a fat slob that died in the most humiliating way possible: slipping in a bathtub and drowning in inch deep water. However there was more to life than what Noah expected. Noah was reincarnated into the mysterious world of Alaris, a land of might and magic, dominated by giant beasts and creatures, where humanity was not the dominant species, where safety outside their thick stone walls was not guaranteed. Noah was excited- Perhaps he was chosen to be the legendary reincarnated hero that will save humanity from peril! To his utter dismay, the person he snatched the body from was Noah Bevier, a useless scion from a dying noble household, who was more concerned with which brothel he would next visit than the coin he had in his pocket. Despite being constantly reminded of his incompetence and the size of his... little brother, Noah was determined to live out the remainder of his life peacefully. However not long after, he is ambushed by assassins that were out to kill him. In his moment of peril, he suddenly awakened his system, the [Roguelike RPG System]... Join Noah and his wacky system on his journey through Alaris and beyond...
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Chapter 1 - Humiliating Death

Ring Ring~ Ring Ring~

The familiar alarm reverberated throughout the tiny 1 room flat. "Ugh... Just 5 more minutes..." Croaked a tired and nasally voice as a large pudgy hand felt it's way onto the desk beside the bed. Finding the button on his Old Simsung phone, Noah pressed it twice to turn off the alarm. As he did so, the cool morning air blew onto his exposed arm. Shivering, he quickly pulled it back, under the warm comforting duvet that he spent 3 months of his pay to purchase. 'I'll just rest for another 5 minutes, then I'll get up,' Noah reasoned, and he promptly fell asleep.

...

...

...

"OH SHIT I'M LAAAATE!!!" Screamed Noah as he glanced at his phone. Turns out his 5 minute nap became a 2 hour long beauty sleep. Struggling to put on his oversized convenience store outfit, Noah quickly garbed himself. Running his fingers through his matted hair he grimaced. "Damn! Can't show up at work like that... Jennifer will see what kind of a slob I am and won't talk to me. It's fine, IT'S FINE, I'll take a quick bath, yes a quick one.." Noah muttered as he ambled towards the bathroom, disrobing as he ran. Reaching the bathroom, he jumped into the bathtub and turned on the shower.

The an icy cold stream of water burst forth from the shower head, hitting onto Noah's large body, causing him to shiver uncontrollably. Mounds of fat undulated, moving in sync like spectators doing the wave at a sporting event. 'It's so goddamn cold,' Noah thought, clenching his chattering teeth, 'But I don't have any time to waste... I'll just endure it...'

Perhaps due to his haste, while reaching for the shampoo, Noah knocked down his half-used bar of soap onto the floor of the bathtub. Soaping his greasy hair, Noah decided to use his chubby feet to pick up the soap bar.

A lapse in judgement was all it took for things to go terribly wrong.

Instead of grasping the bar with his toes, Noah had misjudged the distance and stepped onto the soap bar. Instantly, the bar shot backwards like a bullet, causing Noah to stumble forward. Time seemed to slow down as Noah fell face-first onto the bathtub floor. All he time to do was curse as his head slammed onto the ground, making him pass out.

It was unfortunate, truly, that his rotund body covered the drainage hole, hence water began filling the tub...

That was how Noah, an unfortunate fellow, drowned in inch-deep water...