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"Hey," I have carefully spoken as I reached our prison cell. There, I could see Taehyung all curled up in a ball with a thick layer of blanket covered his body.
I woke up strangely okay this morning with a strange dream the night before. My parents and Minho are there as well. In the dream, I cried and they comforted me. They told me that I should not worry and that all the comforts that are too much that when I woke up, the tears are there. Strangely, I didn't felt the aching pain of loss but a ton of realization.
"Yeah?" There was it. I'm right. I don't need to see his face just to know that he was crying.
I walked beside the double bed metal post and climbed up the mini stair to the second bedding.
"Are you crying?" I asked even though I could hear in his broken voice that he was.
"No, I'm not." He immediately responded. I saw him shuffled under the blanket before craning his head out.
"Are you alright now?" He asked biting his lower lip gently.
I internally sighed. This was all my fault. I almost forgot that some people are looking up to me and I got drowned in my sorrow and filled my heart in misery from my loss.
"I'm sorry," I said sincerely. It's been a week when Minho has died. And it's been then that I've been missing from the responsibilities that I made.
His face crumpled in a painful agonizing way. It made my heart squeeze.
"I just hope you're okay now." He almost whimpered. Almost begging.
"I'm okay now, Taehyung. I'm sorry for ignoring you guys all. I've been caught up with my own these past few days." I apologized as I caressed the back of his head to calm him down. It's been a rough week for me, I'm sure of that. I just realized that nothing will happen if I stay that way. That miserable, weakling one. I know Minho hyung doesn't want me to stay like that at all.
"I'm s-scared hyung." He sobbed as he crashed his body on me.
"I'm scared that I'm gonna be next. That you will move on and forget about me if I died." He cried as he gripped on my shirt.
Is this the result of being careless and irresponsible? I could feel my heart-wrenching. I forgot the exact words that I'm always telling him whenever he feels like this because I'm so distracted by all the things that had happened to us.
"No. Nothing bad will happen to you or Luhan. I won't let that." I told him firmly as I rubbed his back. He's shaking and I realized how bad I am to let this poor young boy feel bad and scared because of my irresponsibleness.
"But M-Minho... he was gone..." he trailed. His eyes are still shut but his tears are falling continuously. This statement made a lump in my throat. Minho died. Didn't I try everything to save him?
Tears pricked my eyes once more.
"I'm back Taehyung." I comforted him as I kissed the top of his head. Silent tears fell on my eyes but I wiped them quickly.
"He once told me that he really missed his little brother before... so I guess they are happy in heaven now." I croaked out in the most unnoticeable way. I bit my lip to prevent any unwanted sound of despair.
I let myself indulge in the corner of darkness for quite some time, forgetting that there are people that I needed to keep safe.
Yes. I needed to keep them safe and alive because I am nothing if I failed that. That's my mission in life. The inspiration that I get from them and the wellness of myself reflect the way I keep noting in my heart and mind the responsibility that I created.
Winter is almost done. Spring was just about to knock down the melting snow outside and on top of the roofs, kicking the cold atmosphere away.
The first new year that I will not taste my mom's baked cookies and my dad's special spaghetti recipe. The first year I haven't felt the warmth of my brothers' embrace and all the things that a happy and normal family should do and should have.
"Happy new year, Taehyung." I comforted. I tried to sound okay. I'm thankful he didn't complain about my strange pain endured voice.
"Is it today?" He asked. His face was still shoved on my chest. That's better though so that he would not see my tears.
"Well, I don't know. I guess it does. Winter is almost over so I think it's today or tomorrow, it could be next week too, who cares?" I tried to sound cheerful and humorous as I ruffled his hazel brown hair.
He didn't respond to that but I'm glad that he had calmed down completely now.
"Where's Luhan?" He suddenly asked.
"He's with Sehun, they're in watch on the main divider." I lied. I don't really want to make him feel bad while I tell him that Luhan, Chanyeol, and a couple more just came back this morning from where the other survivors had stayed only to find out that they are no longer there and that the blood painted floors and walls shows the horror about what happened to them.
Speaking of Chanyeol, we had never really talked that much since the last time he walked out of my face making me feel foreign kinds of feelings. I thought that it's gonna be hard to avoid him but I guess he does also planned what I am planning to do. And it's easier for me that way. To avoid him as much as I can.
But I guess that's not gonna happen today.
I needed to work things out. We needed to work things out. I can't do this avoiding thing going on since we are on the same roof and in the same responsibility of keeping our lives safe and making it up until morning every single day.
I can't do things on my own. He can't do things on his own either. Or maybe he can but it's easier and better if I help him. For the group.
Just as I'm about to ask Taehyung if he's hungry, I realized that he's already fallen asleep. Even though I feel bad leaving him there, I willed myself to gently lay him down the bed and tuck him with the few layers of the blanket noting to bring him something to eat after I talk with Chanyeol.
I exited the cell and decided to look for Chanyeol. I asked the others about him and they told me that he has just gone to his cell a few minutes ago. The prison is creepily silent. The smell of rotting and blood is at least gone as they cleaned the place, and the fire also helped.
So I went there and tried to talk to him.
When I walked in front of his cell, I didn't mean to see him top bare with a towel clinging loosely around his hip. I groaned inwardly.
"Hey," I approached behind the metal bars of his cell.
He stared at me for a moment. Maybe he was a little bit surprised that I approached him just now.
"Yeah?" He sounded surprised too. I could see the water droplets trickled down his jet black hair down to his perfect jawline in the dimly lit cell.
"I want to talk to you about something," I said. I tried to not glance at his toned chest.
He just watched me, expecting me to spill the talk that I'm talking about.
I think that he did think that I mean the stupid things I had told him a week ago.
"I didn't mean the things I told you the last time we had a conversation," I said. I just don't want him to feel that I feel better if he's the one that was on Minho's feet that day. Neither do I feel better about any of those options. Damn it.
"I understand." He spoke quietly while he grabbed his boxers and pants on the bed. I don't want how he speaks casually to me like he's tired of my nonsense-ness. The last time I checked, he's been so worried to me. Then why is he acting like this?
"May I?" He asked. Now what?
I just stared at his dark onyx eyes. His brow raised as he watched me unmoving. He later then shrugged his shoulders before turning his back on me.
Wait, is he gonna change in front of me?
Before I knew things right, I already witnessed how he wore off his towel. Butt naked as he wore his boxers.
His toned back flexed when he slightly crouched to put out his feet inside the boxer holes. Shit.
Before this registered in my mind, he was already facing me. Did I just feel my cheeks burning?
"What?" He asked. His husky voice rang into my ears and it nearly made me cringe because of my reaction.
I scoffed to remain normal. In a way to behave normal, I mean.
"We need to discuss some things," I spoke. I held my contact with his eyes. Preventing myself to let my damn eyes to trail down to his body and unto his boxer-covered manhood.
I gulped. Is this how much I'm physically attracted to Chanyeol?
"We need to work things out." I gritted calmly to clear my thoughts when he just waited there to spill the talk I'm referring to.
He raised his brow. Now I realized how awkward my sentence was.
Damn.
"I mean, we needed to work things out for the betterment of our group. We needed to start creating our resources like food and clean drinking water. I know you guys had cleared mostly all the batches of the unsecured sections in this prison so I think we need to consider this place as our home now." I proposed.
"In terms of food, winter is almost done so I'm thinking if we could grow some crops on the yard and hunt for wild animals out there to grow for sources of meat then we could sustain ourselves. The water system had clogged because the drainage outside the prison had been blocked with mud so we needed to fix that for clean drinking water from the river. I suggest we should burn all the bodies that were scattered the last time so that they wouldn't smell in the prison. I heard from Kai that the prison is almost cleared so I hope there would be no problem anymore." I stopped. I watched his reaction when I'm finished as I calmly catch my breath here and then.
"Are you fine now?" I could feel the worry in his voice. Yet that's not the response I wanted to hear.
"Yes. And please stay focused." Cause I'm trying my best to focus only on your face. Damn, can you please put your shirt and pants on?
"Can you please put on your clothes first?" I spoke formally.
"Does it bother you?" He asked back. What the fck does that suppose to mean, Park Chanyeol?
"I guess we need to talk about this later then." I sighed in annoyance. I willed myself out of his cell but I felt his rough hand held my arm.
"We will make this place our home." He mumbled. His eyes seemed to stare at me like he wanted to tell me something that he couldn't tell verbally.
"Thanks. I better get going." I mumbled and stirred myself back to the cell gate.
"Wait Baek," he called out once more. He walked towards me. Too near that I am almost trapped with his body and on the metal bars. I can feel the heat radiating off his skin and I can smell the manly strangely addicting scent off of him that made me slightly dizzy.
"What?" I croaked. I remained expressionless but in reality, I just wanted the floor to eat me. I crumpled my palm behind me as I prevented cursing. What's happening to me?
"From then on, I will protect you from danger like what Minho did. Just so you know I can do what Minho can do to you." He spoke sincerely. My eyes narrowed almost immediately. Trailing off his words as if there had been something wrong that he had said.
It made my heart clenched.
"No, "I firmly said, not breaking eye contact.
"You can't say that. You shouldn't do what Minho can do to me. You can't risk your life just for me. They need you more than I do." I breathed. That sounds painfully right.
His body tensed in what he just heard. And I could feel the sense of how significant my words are. I could see his disapproval in his expression yet I didn't let him talk again.
"I should get going. We could start the planning when everyone has finished their tasks for today." I said as a way of saying goodbye before quickly sliding off the trails of the metal bars to the exit gate from his cell.
That's right. I can't let Chanyeol risk his life for me. The group needs him more than I do.
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