Kyrie couldn't help but think about Vivian and Renard as she watched Vivian move about the nursery. Now that Renard had put the images in her head, she wanted nothing more than to draw them. At the same time though... She knew that just imagining it would never be enough. Even if she knew what Vivian and Renard were doing to each other, she couldn't see their expressions, it was the same problem that she'd had with drawing herself, and it was the same problem she'd had when she'd tried drawing the lady.
Nervously picking at her mending, Kyrie's eyes drifted over towards Vivian every so often as the other woman tidied up. Mae and Jiera had just taken the children off to one of the sitting rooms and Neri had gone after them, leaving Vivian and Kyrie alone in the nursery for a bit of respite.
Of course, Vivian was chatting to Kyrie as she went about cleaning the room: it was rare that Vivian was silent as she went about her work if it was just the two of them. A lot of the time Kyrie kind of tuned it out, not out of malice, but just because Vivian often said things that didn't require much of a response from Kyrie. She talked of anything and everything that entered into her mind: the color of Raine's toys, the way the children were getting along, the weather for the day, what the plan was for dinner... It just never stopped.
Kyrie liked it though, it brought a small smile to her face to hear her friend babble on because she knew that the happier Vivian was, the more prone she was to talking. This was so much more preferable to how Vivian had been in Raine's formative years.
As Vivian's talk inevitably wandered back over to Renard, Kyrie glanced up from her work, a slight tensing in her body at the mention of the man. It wasn't at all noticeable, but Kyrie still couldn't help stiffening up just a little whenever Vivian mentioned Renard to her. A part of her was terrified that Vivian would confront them about their affair, but it also didn't help that Renard had put weird thoughts in her head about her friend.
Slowly getting her body to relax, Kyrie tuned back in to what Vivian was saying to find that the topic was still on Renard.
"--Renard showed me a section of the garden today, which is really the first time that he'd purposely displayed a specific area to me. He brings me flowers from the garden all the time, but never has he presented me with a piece of the garden. He asked me what I thought of the area and I responded by telling him he'd made it truly beautiful. It was weird though... He'd been almost disappointed by that answer."
Here Vivian paused, furrowing her eyebrows together as she looked out the window, probably mentally playing over the scene that had unfolded in her head.
"Since he seemed to want more I looked back out at the flowerbed before pointing to some orange flowers he'd planted and telling him that they were the ones that were my favorite. The instant I said that he was so much more pleased. I wonder why...?"
"Were these the orange flowers over by the fountain?"
"Yes! How did you know?"
The inkling of suspicion began to creep into Vivian's features, and Kyrie mentally slapped herself for such a slip up as her brain scrambled to come up with a response.
"I just remember seeing them on my way out to the stables not too long ago; when I passed them I thought that they looked new."
This was enough to appease Vivian's suspicion, and the other woman turned her attention back to her chores.
"Ah, that makes sense. You always did have an eye for the little things. Honestly to me though, the flowers are beautiful, but I just don't get what Renard sees in it. He spends practically the entire day every day maintaining the lady's myriad flowers and he still doesn't get tired of them! I don't know that I'd be able to do the same thing every day like that and actually get enjoyment out of it."
"But you take care of Raine every day...?"
"Sure, but Raine's a living breathing person. She adds difference to every interaction I have with her. Maybe I'm not giving plant care enough credit, but it seems like a lot of the same stuff goes into it."
"Well... Maybe the tedium is calming? And maybe the fact that the garden changes so often breaks up the tedium just enough to never get tired of it?"
"Hmm..."
Vivian pondered these words as she ventured to look out the window again. She couldn't see Renard from where she was, but she was looking at the plants more than looking for Renard anyway. When she'd gazed out this same window just a few years ago the view had been radically different from what it was now, and she supposed if Kyrie's guess was right then that would explain why Renard never lost interest. Personally, though, she didn't think she'd ever be able to get as much enjoyment out of it as he did.
"I guess that makes sense."
There was a bit of a lull in their talk now, and Kyrie felt that maybe Vivian was unsatisfied with how it had ended. She was indeed unsatisfied with it, but not even Vivian could really say why. It was just that the conversation left her feeling somehow unsettled.
As the two women fell into silence for a little bit, Kyrie's mind wandered back to her own art. As she did this though, a thought began to dawn on her: Vivian was the only one in the house that still didn't know that she drew. This thought startled Kyrie a little because Vivian was her best friend! To not have her know about it... It seemed almost wrong that she would be the last person in the house to learn about it.
Glancing over towards the other woman, Vivian remained rather reticent as she finished up her cleaning and Kyrie wondered if she should share her hobby with Vivian. Nervousness fluttered through her at that: not only had it been ingrained in her mind that revealing her drawings would spell punishment for her, it would also be the first time she'd ever purposely shared it with someone. Renard and Isaac had kind of stumbled across her drawing, and Dessi had only found out because Kyrie had been emotionally vulnerable. But with Vivian... Well, Kyrie would be willingly sharing it herself.
... Did she really want to bare her heart to her friend so completely?
Raising a hand up to her necklace, the familiar comfort washed over her while her other hand reached into her apron pocket. Lightly touching the edges of her notebook, she slowly took a deep breath.
"Vivian?"
The other woman let out a hum of inquiry, but otherwise continued with her own affairs. Kyrie bit at her bottom lip as she felt the familiar shyness and nervousness hit her, but she tried to swallow it as she pulled her notebook out of her dress. Gently brushing her hand along the cover, her throat constricted a bit in nervousness. Still... Vivian was the closest friend that she'd ever had, there was no reason to be so nervous about all this.
"I-I want to share something with you."
Kyrie's voice was soft, but had a serious note to it that caused Vivian to turn and look at her with a raised eyebrow. When she spotted the notebook in Kyrie's lap, her curiosity was immediately peaked, and she put away the things in her hands before moving over to sit next to her friend.
"Oh?"
"I-I just... When I was still employed at my previous house, one of my favorite things to do when no one was looking was draw in the dirt or the flour or whatever was available, really. If I was ever caught my hands would get some harsh lashes so it became a habit for me to keep this sort of thing hidden. Lady Dandridge though... She gave me the tools to be able to follow this passion of mine without having to hide. Yet still I... It's nerve-wracking trying to show these to others but... but this has been such a big part of my life up until now that I want to share it with you."
Vivian couldn't help but be shocked to hear all this from Kyrie, not because she was saying she could draw, but because Kyrie was actually opening up on her own; she was so timid that it was almost impossible to get her to say her own opinions. Over the years though, Vivian had gotten her to respond to her with her own thoughts, and nowadays Kyrie even did it without Vivian having to push her. She never would've thought that Kyrie would feel this comfortable with her, and Vivian couldn't help the wave of fondness that washed over her for her friend. Kyrie actually felt comfortable enough with her to want to share something this important, and Vivian was immensely touched by that. Especially because for Vivian, this friendship had started because she wanted to ensure that Kyrie wouldn't take Renard by sticking close to her. Boy had their relationship changed though... It wasn't about Vivian trying to control Kyrie anymore, it was about her genuinely liking Kyrie's company.
Wrapping one of her arms around Kyrie's arm, Vivian held onto her with a warm smile.
"Well show me! I'm eager to see these secret drawings of yours."
Kyrie returned the smile with an almost relieved smile of her own, and she was soon opening the book to some of the pictures she'd made of the menagerie animals. Vivian wasn't entirely sure what she had been expecting, but whatever it was wasn't this! The sheer amount of detail that Kyrie put into the animals made them appear so life-like, and for a moment Vivian was speechless. She couldn't have been this good when she was still drawing in the dirt, right? There's no way all that detail could show up in dirt drawings!
"Kyrie... This is amazing! These animals look like they could just walk up out of the page! Is there more? Do you ever draw pictures of us?"
Vivian's interest was a little overwhelming for Kyrie, but at the same time it felt good to have her friend be reacting to it so positively. Happy to oblige Vivian, Kyrie selectively moved through the pages, showing Vivian that there weren't just pictures of the animals but also of landscapes and the people living in the house. Vivian cooed over the pictures, and was the most delighted by the ones that had either her or Renard in them. Kyrie didn't show her the more speculative pictures, the ones where Kyrie kind of guessed or highlighted the subject's mood as she drew, instead focusing more on the slice of life ones that simply captured a scene that Kyrie had liked.
By the time they reached the end of the book, Vivian was practically glowing. She had to admit that looking at art made by a friend was so much more engaging than looking at the pieces that hung on the walls of Lady Dandridge's manor. Surely those had been done by professionals, but Vivian much preferred the art of Kyrie.
"You should ask for some proper canvas from the lady! Imagine if you could get your work framed and hung up in the slave quarters! You'll be our own personal artist!"
"O-Oh I... I don't know about that. I think it would be more stressful if I was trying to draw on a canvas."
"But I think you could do it! You're so skilled, Kyrie, it seems a shame not to share it with everyone who might look! Does anyone else know?"
"W-well Isaac knows, and Dessi knows because she kind of stumbled across me while I was being a little careless."
"Then we'll have to get you a canvas so you can show the rest of the house your work! I'm sure Raine would be astonished to see it, she might even ask you to teach her or draw something for her, and Renard... Well, if he can appreciate gardening then surely he can appreciate drawing."
Vivian continued to gush over Kyrie's art, which only made Kyrie blush all the more. Vivian was all for getting Kyrie to start sharing it around, and while Kyrie wasn't so sure about that, what she was sure about was that she was happy that she'd finally shared this with Vivian. It felt good to have something that had been such a closely guarded secret out in the open. She didn't have to be so secretive about pulling out her notebook for drawing, and it just felt so liberating overall. A part of her wished that she could also feel this way about her more intimate habits, but she would take this small victory.
Vivian also felt quite happy about this turn of events, but now that the initial reaction to it was beginning to slow down, she found that her unsettled feeling was back. It was worse now than it had been after they'd finished their talk about Renard though, and Vivian was beginning to realize what it was. Renard had something that he was so passionate about and that he spent most of his free time doing, and now here she was finding that Kyrie did as well.
What about herself? What did she have?
Vivian didn't have any hobbies; no extracurricular activities that she messed around with when she had downtime, there just wasn't anything like that for her. For so long her free time had solely been taken up with Renard (either thinking about him or spending time with him), and while she certainly didn't regret spending so much time on Renard, she couldn't help but wonder: what did she have for herself?
Nothing. She had nothing. And this realization shook her to the core.