After lunch Ethan and I headed to his parents estate. My nerves were getting the better of me, and my frustration at what I'd overheard was not helping. I wondered if Ethan was going to ever bring it up, or if he was going to sweep it under the rug. Maybe he's waiting until they get the results back and he knows for sure either way. Because honestly I'd probably do the same thing, I'd wait to know before I dumped that kind of information on someone else. It's no use making them fret with uncertainty. I wonder if he suspects I know.
"You aren't having second thoughts are you?" Ethan asked pulling me from my thoughts.
"No, why would you think that?"
"You just seem distant and somber." Maybe he was wondering if I'd overheard anything.
"Sorry, just lost in my thoughts. I've been told I can have a grumpy expression when I'm thinking." I laugh trying to lighten the mood.
"Actually your facial expression usually gives away what is going on in your head. If you're thinking about something happy, you look happy, same with sad or upsetting thoughts. I've always loved watching your face as you get lost in thought." Ethan said. "Why do you think I tried to get us to video chat instead of just text or talk?"
"So you could see my beautiful eyes was the most common reason you used. I didn't think there were any other motives."
"There were a lot of motives. I loved seeing your beautiful eyes, watching your lips move as you spoke, seeing the expressions on your face." He trailed off, looking lost in memories. My stomach was full of butterflies, he spoke with such longing and tenderness. I am amazed at how much he loves me, I can feel it communicated through his words, looks and actions. I was too young to realize that he'd chosen me back then, out of everyone. Now I know I don't understand why, I mean, I'm just me. I realized at that moment I needed to know.
"Ethan, why me? I mean you could have picked almost any girl out there, why me?" I blurted out before I could stop myself.
Ethan looked at me, paused and then found a place to pull the car over. He stopped the car and turned to look at me. "Sera, because you are you." I looked down and he pulled my chin up to look into my eyes, "I need to you know I'm serious. I'm not just saying this because I feel you want me to. So please believe me when I tell you why. And please don't interrupt and try to minimize how amazing you are."
I nodded for him to continue, and he took my hand and I looked at our intertwined hands. "Sera, you're real. That's why I love watching your facial expressions, you don't hide what you're thinking or feeling. You don't cause drama, you're understanding and encouraging. I never would have made it through that first semester of college if it weren't for your encouragement.
"I love your smile, it's genuine and brightens your whole face. You're smart, I loved having controversial conversations with you and even though we don't agree on everything our discussions were enlightening and interesting. You never made me feel like my opinions were wrong or inferior.
"You're nice to everyone, even those that didn't treat you like they should have. I know those summer camps were hard because most people thought you shouldn't have been allowed to attend. But instead of being rude back to them you were nice. I was so amazed by you. You didn't lower yourself to their level, but kept your head held high and were you. I love how excited you get when you are learning or doing something you love. It's just amazing to watch you discuss or be involved with your interests.
"All of this in a drop dead gorgeous body with eyes that make me get lost and lips that tempt me to kiss them every time they move. So Sera, that's why you. You are the most amazing person I have ever met." He raised our joined hands and lifted my chin so he could look into my eyes as he said the last two sentences. When he was done, he lowered his lips and claimed mine. As he kissed me it was as if he was pouring all his love into one kiss. It's a good thing I was sitting down or my knees may have given out.
When he broke the kiss, I was in a daze. All my doubts were gone, at least for now. Unfortunately they'd be back, they always came back. But drowning in the memory of his kiss and the look in his eyes, I could not doubt a thing he just said. I knew Ethan loved me but hearing him explain why and seeing it in his eyes and feeling it in his kiss was enough to chase all the negative thoughts away.
"Now I've answered you Sera, why did you pick me?" He asked, his voice husky. I was shocked, I mean he's Ethan Maxwell. He can't really think that most girls wouldn't pick him. But the look in his eyes told me that I needed to be as candid with him as he was with me.
"You were the only one who tried to be friends with me every summer." I raised my hand as he was going to interrupt, "Everyone else just did because you started. They weren't really friendly if you weren't around. You started out like the older brother I never had. You looked after me, you were funny, you teased me. Then as we got older and I realized how handsome you were, I couldn't see you as a brother anymore.
"You saw me, really saw me. You treated me like I was an equal to you all the time. You may not think that is different, but it is. Everyone else there looked down on me. You were the only one who didn't ever treat me like I didn't belong. You listened to me and didn't discount what I said just because I was a girl or was poor.
"You also were real with me. You didn't try to be some stoic guy who never shared his thoughts and struggles. You were open and told me things that made you worried and insecure. You also told me how you felt about me. You didn't just think I would know what you were feeling. You make me feel safe and protected.
"Being near you makes my heart beat faster, touching you makes me tingle and you can laugh but the butterflies and fireworks that go off inside me when you look at me certain ways or kiss me are enough to make me know I only want to be with you. I've never found another guy who affects me the way you do."