As we left the store I looked at Ethan, "I know there's something bothering you, do you want to talk about it?"
"Yeah, let me drive you home and we can discuss it, I'd rather not have any extra ears around us." He almost sounded dejected. I squeezed his hand to reassure him. Then I turned to signal Adam and let him know Ethan was driving me home and if he could add the bag I had with the other shoes I'd appreciate it. He took them and we made our way to the vehicles.
After we'd gotten out of the majority of the city traffic, Ethan sighed and then finally started talking.
"Sera, I really don't know how to say this or if I even should yet." He paused and I waited patiently. Okay, not really patiently on the inside but I sure tried to look patient on the outside.
"Saturday before lunch, Charlotte found me before you did and was talking to me when you walked in."
I nodded, encouraging him to continue.
"This is between us right now okay?"
"Sure Ethan, you know I can keep a secret."
"She's pregnant Sera. She's pregnant and doesn't know if I'm the father or if Michael is."
I sucked in my breath to hopefully sound shocked. I'm not such a good actress, but I'm hoping he fell for it. I sat there as if I was speechless, hoping he'd continue so I wouldn't have to think of something to say. Luckily after a minute he did.
"So tomorrow we're going to get a paternity test done to see if I'm the father and I thought you should know in case I am. I'm not sure how to handle it if it comes back that I'm the dad." He sighed. "I know this is crappy to throw at you four days before the wedding, but I figure it's better now than four days after."
"Is this why you were worried I'd run away at the wedding?"
"Partly that. Partly because I know I don't deserve you Sera."
"And I don't deserve you so we're perfect for each other. And as far as the baby, when do the test results come back?"
"Not for a week. I know crappy timing." Ethan sighed. "I mean what's the likelihood it's me, we only did it once!"
"It only takes once Ethan, everyone should know that by the time they're our age. If its yours and they don't want it, do you?" I asked. I needed to know if he'd take responsibility for his actions.
"If Charlotte and Michael don't want to raise the child if it's mine then I would, but I don't know if that is fair to you. I just feel this is such a huge mess and I don't know what to do." He sounded so dejected and insecure. He was usually so confident, I could tell this was shaking him to the core.
"If you really want to take care of the child if they don't want to, because I believe that the mother should have the first choice since she goes through so much for the baby to even survive. Here's what I think we should do.
"We should wait to freak out until the results come back. Then if you're not the father, we don't have to freak out.
"If you are the father, then all four of us should sit down and discuss what we want to happen. If Michael isn't willing to accept the baby as his own, I am. I can adopt the baby if Charlotte wants to give up mothering rights and I will try to be the best mom to our child."
"You'd do that?" Ethan asked.
"Yes I would do that for an innocent child. It's not the child's fault who it's parents are. Every child should feel loved by both its parents, even if one or both of those parents is not biological."
"And you think you could love someone else's child as your own?" Ethan asked.
"I want to say yes, but there's a part of me that worries I wouldn't be able to, but I hope I'd be able to Ethan, I really do."
"You really are amazing, you know that?" Ethan looked at me with such a look of admiration and love that it made my insides go crazy.
"I just try to be a good person, I'm not that amazing." Honestly treating others how I would have wanted to be treated as a child does not make me amazing. I just know what it's like to feel unloved and unwanted by a parent and I would never wish that on any child.
Ethan just shook his head and smiled, "I'm going to have to agree to disagree on that topic, love."
"Probably, so is there anything else I should know before we get married?" I asked semi jokingly.
"I'm a bed hog. You should probably know that. I can literally take up a whole queen size bed." I am glad he took the cue to make the conversation lighter again.
I made a disapproving noise, "That could be a problem, of course we could get a king size bed and then I'd have a little room to sleep."
Ethan laughed, "How about you, is there anything I should know?"
"I have a love affair with chocolate. So as long as you don't come between me and my chocolate we should be fine." Okay, so I may be lighthearted when saying this, but it's a real thing. I am very possessive of my chocolate.
"Noted. But does that mean I can't eat any of it?" He sounded like such a little kid when he asked that.
"If it's mine, you stay away. You can get your own. I don't share my chocolate very much."
"Ah, you do have a flaw. You're selfish with chocolate."
"You better believe it, and never forget it. It's a pretty serious offense to eat from my chocolate stash." I warned.
"Like sleep on the couch serious?" Ethan asked tentatively.
"Like sleep in the doghouse serious." I put as much attitude into that statement as I could without giving away I was about to bust a gut laughing.
"We don't have a doghouse." Ethan pouted.
"That's your problem, not mine." I couldn't hold in my laughter at this point so that was said while I was trying to suppress my giggles.