"Stoop lower," Phobos whispers his instruction to me for the fourth time almost as if he is reprimanding me in a way. He squats a bit far from me, eyes serious and patient never wavering from my flesh.
Shutting my eyes close annoyance surging I raise my upper lip to show teeth as a threat. "I cannot bend further than this." I spit.
"You are doing it wrong, Theia. Thrust out your back curl your spine and dig your nails into the soil." He says which does nothing but aids my anger. How can I do it with merely just your words? Why does he refuse to show me rather than tell me?
Cursing at him under my breath I try to visualize the position in my mind and shift my body accordingly. Stumbling around doing my best to remain quiet and unseen I somehow end up doing what he says. Struggling to hold my weight with merely my palms I keep falling only to get up and shift back into position.
Once my mind is satisfied with how I balance the entirety of my being on the soles of my feet with my eyes plunging into the ground encouraging myself from within I question, "I think I did it. I did it right?"
He snorts. He possesses the valour to snort with derision of me. His right palm quickly raises to cover his mouth eyes widening as he stares at me trying to control his bubbling laughter. Unbelievable.
"Are you serious? You find this amusing?" I whisper harshly grabbing a nearby rock throwing it at him with no warning hoping it shall strike his flesh and remove that ridiculous smirk that paints his face.
He swiftly catches it before it hits him a master of reflex, his smile widens. "You are getting good at throwing rocks now. The strength you used to throw it pushed my hand back a little." He compliments me which has my cheeks burning and anger evaporating. He has a way with his words, though it may seem like something small it often tends to have a big impact on me.
I peek up from under the shadows of the tall grass that had managed to completely hide me. The wild hares remain in the same place jumping around nibbling on the pieces of oat hays that Phobos scattered around as bait.
"Do you have your knives?" He inquires whilst taking back my attention. Looking down to my right at the earth I pick them up and raise them for him to see.
"Yes." I reply.
"The knives will not kill them but it will hit them if thrown well. I shall take a hit as a kill." He mutters.
Getting into a crawling position digging my nails into the soil I glare up at the wild hares analyzing their movements. Phobos told me that there are merely two things that exist in today's world. A predator and prey.
I need to think as though I am a true predator and I shall become one. My bare heels slide upon the ground pushing me forward as I am hunched low eyes set on my target. The weakest link of the group the one that keeps wandering far.
Gripping the knives tightly my knuckles prominent with the pressure I add I take a low quiet breath through my nose. Phobos follows my movements with him crawling as well upon the muddy floor yet he has somehow taken the lead without me knowing. He truly is a ghost.
He looks back at me after sweeping the area and gives me a curt nod. A sign for me to throw that I quickly pay heed to. Hunching lower my shoulder blades meeting I crawl further just as he taught me.
Lifting my wrist I squint my eyes aiming and the smallest of all. One ear up and the other down the hare continues nibbling on the hay.
"What is the position of its ears called and what does it mean?" He quizzes me whilst I prepare for the strike.
"Half- lop position. It means it is listening to the noises of the surrounding but not highly alert." I reply with no hesitation months of learning and practice paving an easy path for me.
"Good, little one." He smiles his famous smile of pride. He is always of pride in me.
I throw. I throw the ceramic knives at a certain angle using the same pressure on both hands so they possess equal pace. It flies swiftly cutting through the air hitting the flesh of the rabbit which startles stumbling around but quickly scampers away with the group rushing in fear for their lives.
"I did it! Yes! Yes! Yes!" I jump up briskly swirling, heels digging into the ground hands raised in the air doing a tiny happy dance continuous giggles leaving my lips.
Phobos allows a soft chuckle out of his mouth to my dance striding into the open ground from hiding. Bending down picking up the ceramic knives he walks back to me. Ruffling my hair he peers down at me with a gentleness in his eyes.
"Can I switch to the other knives now? The sharper ones?" I ask. I must be able to. I have proven my ability to kill hares now, I can survive for a while if I were left alone in the wilderness.
"Not yet. You need to practice more. You made several mistakes, Theia." He replies.
"What mistakes had I made? My movement? My positions?"
"Indeed. But several others as well. The way you held the knives, the positioning of your thumb and forefinger, your back was not held down well, the way you were bad at balancing the weight of your body." He explains all the mistakes that were visible in bright light to his mastered eyes.
"I do not understand. I am good." I mutter frowning with a slow shake of my head eyes plunging into his, low simmers of disappointment creeping up my spine.
"Yes, you are. But you can be better. You, little one. You can be best." He smiles whilst speaking of his confidence towards me. Confidence that my parents seem to not possess. Perhaps because they have never indulged in such training with me as Phobos does. They are unaware of what I am truly capable of.
"Do you think I can one day be like you?" I ask hopping over the rocks imitating the behaviour of the wild hares. Phobos made me observe them for several weeks. The way they interact with each other, the meaning of the positions of the ears and even how to spot the easiest one to kill.
"I wish for you to ace me, Theia." He says walking to my left eyes straight ahead following the path that leads us to the gate. It still surprises me, the fact that my training has begun in the open fields past the locked gate. It is a good sign, I am growing in his eyes.
"Why?" I ask trying to balance my walking on a narrow block hands held straight at both sides feet taking a step forward one after the other whilst my body sways side to side as though I were a bird.
"Because you shall wield power and no wolf would go against you." He replies pushing the gate open waiting for me to enter. Once I am in, he shuts it close behind me and locks it.
"Would you not protect me if wolves did dare to go against me?" I ask.
"Of course I would. With no hesitation." He replies whilst striding to the table near the target boards putting the ceramic knives back in place. He is quite organized and does not like anything to be out of place. His knives have their own seats on the table.
"I will protect you too," I mutter.
"Oh, will you now?" A quick laugh leaves his lips whilst he inspects a certain knife fingers picking up a thin cloth to wipe the blade.
"Phobos," I call out to him for his eyes remain away from my flesh. Now that my training has ended it is time to spend time together as friends. No more of that mentor and student aura.
"Yes, Theia." He says whilst squinting, eyes downcast scanning the variety of weapons in sight.
"I brought something for you," I mutter. His actions halt and his eyes turn to me, body standstill in position.
"Is that so?" He asks. He is surprised that I can see but he is calm as always eyes never giving anything away. If he had told me he had gotten me something I would be screaming with delight.
"Yes, I left it with Cronus. I think he has kept it in Deimos's room. I wish to go bring it." I whisper excitedly to see his reaction when he receives it. I think he shall love it. He gives me a curt nod of acknowledgement as I swiftly turn around bounding through the stone path that leads to the castle.
Making sure to wipe my feet with the drenched cloth swimming in a tub of water that Phobos recently installed for me, I enter through the back entrance. Small giggles leave my lips as I hop through the halls ready to climb the stairs leading to Deimos's room.
His room is down the hallway a bit far from Phobos's. Taking the stairs two at a time making sure to give myself small bets along the way merely encourages me and helps increase my pace.
The hallway is quiet and I frown not being able to hear the loud chatter of Deimos and Cronus for it is the noise that often fills in the silence. Have they perhaps gone elsewhere? Pushing open the door to Deimos's room it is just as I thought. The room possesses a coldness to it that usually forms when it has been void for a while.
They are not present. Eyes sweeping the room searching for the gift, I find it placed neatly upon the study table. Picking it up bringing it to my chest despite its weight I turn swiftly preparing to rush back to Phobos.
Eager to get to him quickly I begin to run, yes if he were here with me I would get scolded for he says it is not safe to run up and down the stairs but I do it at home all the time. Rather I have mastered finding my way with them.
A sudden boom of the sound of books thrown upon a table startles me and I immediately halt in my steps. Ears perking up senses on alert I promptly try to find the source. My steps become lighter and smaller to seem invisible to my surroundings.
My eyes find a room at the corner with the door slightly ajar, enough for me to have a peek. This is Alpha Ares's office, this I am sure of. I love exploring the castle but the servants told me I mustn't enter this room no matter what. It is sort of his headquarters where all the important meetings or discussions take place. Only wolves he invites may enter.
My heart pounding in my chest I ponder whether I must have a look or escape this situation as fast as my legs take me. I need to reign in my curiosity, I need to put it on a leash. I need to hold the least tighter. I must leav-
"Again." Alpha Ares's booming voice breaks through my thoughts. I think curiosity shall take the win for today.
Looking around to my left and right I find myself utterly alone, the servants busy with other tasks giving me the time and privacy I need to commit my act. Placing my left palm on the wall next to the door I lean in peering through the tiny space that allowed me to do so.
I meet first with Alpha Ares sitting on his chair a book open in his hand whilst his eyes scan the words written in them. "Just like Phobos." I whisper whilst a smile paints my face. Phobos looks the same way when he reads.
"I said again." Alpha Ares says his voice a commanding storm. Low, deep and almost as if he were threatening.
My frown deepens. Whom is he speaking to? I do not see any other wolf in the room rather the door blocks it. Shutting my eyes close praying I do not get into trouble for this, I place my trembling palm and push as gently as I can hoping it is neither old nor rusty which shall create a creaking sound that alerts them of my presence.
But my prayers are answered for there is a smoothness to it and is pushed back with ease giving me the bigger picture of what is happening that sparked my curiosity.
My eyes broaden when they find Deimos kneeling on the floor by the fireplace in front of Alpha Ares head bowed eyes glued to the carpet. Why is Deimos kneeling? Is he...is he being punished again?
"Why must you do this now, father? I train every day from when morning to night yet why must I train even when Cronus and Theia come over? I just wish to have one day to myself." Deimos utters anger sizzling within his core.
"Because you are an Alpha." Alpha Ares replies peering up at Deimos who has his hands folded into tight fists by his sides.
"Cronus is an Alpha too. Yet he does not train as hard as me!" Deimos protests to his father's words.
"Your title is different from his. Yours hold much more responsibility, status and weight than his. Deimos my male, you must learn to wield the power that you are gifted with. Phobos has begun to master it yet you are stubborn as a mule and misunderstand who you truly are. Whom you are meant to be."
"Father I-" Deimos begins but is stopped by Alpha Ares who continues to speak trying to strike Deimos's mind through his words.
"Your childish behaviours must die now. You are nine. Nine, Deimos! And you are nowhere near to what you should have achieved by this age. If you keep acting like this and denying your training the pack shall deem you as unworthy. Do you know what that means?" Alpha Ares questions standing up to stride towards him.
"No, father." Deimos answers eyes wavering unable to meet his father's burning ones. My senses are clouded with overpowering tension. Not of mine but theirs combined.
"It means you shall have no place here. No seat at the table."
Deimos's eyes widen to Alpha Ares's words to him and his hands tremble. He briskly pushes them behind his back hiding them from the Alpha's fiery gaze. I do not understand. I do not understand why Deimos must undergo such strictness. Does Cronus go through the same? What about Phobos?
Deimos remains quiet for a while mouth shut tightly his hands clasped behind his back. "Now I need you to repeat our tradition I taught you recently. Not even one mistake, do you understand?"
"Yes, father." Deimos replies but he struggles to remain still. His knees tremble and he sways trying to keep his balance. How long has he been staying like this? How much longer must he remain like this? I need to help him. I cannot do it alone. I shall fetch Phobos. He would help him, perhaps he is unaware of this.
I begin to sprint once more barging out the exit dirtying my cleaned bare feet again heading to where he waits. My heart feels uneasy the image of Deimos kneeling in pain pushes me further. I do not like this. I do not like this at all. It pains me. I wish to cry.
Clutching the gift tighter to my chest I run to him calling his name loudly to get his attention. "Phobos! Phobos!" I find him in the garden waiting, his back leaning over the bark of our tree.
"You have finally arrived, you sure did take your sweet time. What is that you hold in your hands?" Phobos questions not letting me speak whilst trying to figure it out for the gift is covered from sight by my arms.
I stop as soon as I am in close proximity to him taking huge gulps of air feeding my starved lungs. I heave heavily panting trying to settle my beating heart.
"F-Flowers. I brought you flowers." I whisper my attention quickly turned to them whilst handing the flowers I plucked at our small garden back home for him in the morning.
He takes a step towards me eyes peering at the bouquet wrapped in old used paper. Handmade by me of course. "Flowers?" He stares at them frowning for a few seconds. Then he begins to laugh, lips curling up teeth on display mouth open a loud booming cackle escapes his chest.
"Why are you laughing?"
"Because this the first time I have received flowers in my life. That too from a nine-year-old female." He chuckles.
"Are you not happy? I plucked them myself this morning. I did not even eat breakfast for I was busy with it." I whisper a little taken aback by his words.
"I am merely surprised. You know Theia, flowers are meant to be given to and received by females. Perhaps I am the first male to receive flowers from a female in this lifetime. I am happy, little one. Thank you." He says bringing the bouquet to his nose taking a deep inhale of its scent, smiling as he admires them.
"Then so be it. I shall bring you flowers every time I come to visit so wherever you are or go flowers with their looks and scents shall remind you of me." I smile at him whilst his fingertips graze the petals softly eyes peeking at them with gentleness.
"Phobos! You distracted me. Deimos is... he is being punished by your father. You must help him." Wishing to hit myself for being swayed by him I get back on track grabbing his arm pulling him to follow me with all my might towards where Deimos is.
"Punished? What do you mean?"
"Yes, your father said something about traditions and seats and no place. You must help him, Phobos." I say.
"Theia. Theia, stop." Phobos mutters halting not taking another move as I continue pulling him. A small growl of annoyance leaves my lips as I turn around and use both my hands to tug on his arm.
"We do not have any more time. What are you doing?" I yell my feet digging into the ground yet my strength has no effect for he remains still as a huge heavy rock.
"Theia, he is in training. He is not being punished. You misunderstand." Phobos says his voice soft as he regards me.
"He was kneeling, Phobos. He looked as though he wished to cry. He is being punished. You misunderstand!" I declare my irritation towards him surging. Alpha Ares listens to Phobos, why is he not aiding his brother who is clearly struggling?
"That is our father's way of training. Do not worry, it is done so he can learn and abide by the teachings. It is good for him."
I stare up at him digesting his words my lower lip wobbling eyes tearing up but my gaze is fury filled and disappointed at him. He is mean, how can he say it is good for Deimos? This is unfair! He just does not wish to help his brother.
Phobos notices my upsetness with him. He sighs taking a short step towards me, "Little one." He says voice soothing and comforting.
"If you do not wish to help him, I will. I shall at least try!" With those final words of aggression thrown at him, I turn and dart away not stopping despite Phobos's voice calling out to me.
Shall I just barge in and say this is unfair or Alpha Ares is hurting him? Or shall I fetch Luna Aphrodite to handle it? I do not know what to do. Where is my brother when I need him? Why is no wolf seeing the wrong in this?
The door to Alpha Ares's office is fully shut which surprises me. Did he find out about my presence? I place my ear upon the door hoping to hear of his so-called training yet only silence greets me.
Has Deimos been sent back? Is the punishment over? I stomp my foot hard upon the floor. I hate this. I hate not having the power to do something, of not having a voice to do things by myself. How do I protect whom I hold close to my heart when I cannot even protect myself?
Climbing the stairs to head to Deimos's room has my heart clench with sadness. The look on his face when he stared up at his father. It was not of hate or anger. It was a mixture of pain and disappointment perhaps at himself.
"Cronus?" I question my eyes moving back and forth of the backs of two males. They both turn around to look at me.
Cronus holds Deimos right hand fastened around his waist whilst Deimos has his left arm around my brother's shoulder as support. He stumbles trying to regain his balance hopping on one leg.
"Theia? What are you doing here?" Deimos questions frowning. My eyes linger on his legs that seem so weak to me as if he were a young fawn just learning to walk.
Not replying to him I merely stride forward pushing open the door making their path easier until they both are inside. Cronus takes Deimos to his bed and helps him sit upon the soft mattress.
"Today's training was quite difficult for you." Cronus whispers pushing Deimos's shorts upward baring his knees to our eyes.
I gasp eyes widening when my eyes meet with it. The flesh looks red and raw, bruised and bleeding. Both his knees look tender and bloody. I cup my mouth with my trembling hands unable to digest the sight.
I rush to him immediately kneeling on the carpet as Cronus makes way for me. Tears flood my vision as I begin to cry. It must hurt. He is acting as though he is strong but I know he is in pain. He is young as me, he does not deserve this.
"Theia, are you crying?" Deimos asks softly his tone warm and gentle.
"A-Are you, all right? Deimos, I-I tried to help you. I just did not know what to do... I-I was s-scared." I stutter trying to deliver my feelings tears streaming down my cheeks.
Deimos looks uncomfortable rather me crying for him makes him feel different. "You must have seen my training." He says with a shake of his head as though I was not meant to see it.
"You were being punished. C-Cronus y-you weren't there to see what happened." I hiccup crying uncontrollably my fingers rubbing my eyes harshly.
"I was being trained, Theia. No need to cry for that. Look, I am doing quite well, aren't I?" Deimos asks whilst he leans down removing my hands from my eyes wiping them with the heels of his palms.
"Where is your first aid kit?" Cronus asks him as Deimos looks up from me to meet my brother's eyes.
"I do not usually apply medicine to my wounds. It heals anyways though it sure does take time."
"That is because we are still young. It is better to put medicine, I always put it for myself." Cronus replies as my eyes snap up to meet his flesh. What did he just say? It takes time for his words to register but when they do a boiling emotion begins to stir from the pit of my stomach.
"Does father harm you the same? Do you get wounded? Do you bleed?" My questions are quick to strike at my brother who seems caught off guard. Was I not supposed to know this? Are there several things being hidden from me?
"Theia, it is not as you think. Father-" Cronus begins to explain. What is it with these males taking their father's side instead of speaking their truth?
"Answer my question, Cronus!" I yell taking hurried steps towards him. Perhaps a fight shall brew not merely between him and me but my father and I as well.
"Theia, calm down. You need to understand certain things in terms of how they work." Deimos barges in with his thoughts as I turn my fury filled eyes at him, nose flaring grinding my teeth.
"Deimos." Phobos's voice strikes through our argument. One word from him has the room calm swiftly boiling tension evaporating. He leans over the door frame arms folded across his chest calm eyes gazing at his brother.
"Brother." Deimos smiles in greeting.
"How was training today?" Phobos asks.
"Hard as always. The recent tradition father taught me was hard to memorize for it possessed too many rules." Deimos mutters eyes dropping down to his bleeding knees.
"Learn them well, Deimos. We honour our traditions, they are our pride." Phobos utters casually glancing at me. He tilts his head and offers me a small smile to which I reply with a fiery glare sent his way. His smile widens and he chuckles with a shake of his head at my antics.
"I know. I know that. I hear it from father every day." Deimos whispers with a low sigh fingers scratching the back of his head.
"Did you face father well? Did you show him your strength? You mustn't show any signs of it whatsoever. Stand tall and brave even if your insides are rotting." Phobos's serious eyes strike deep into Deimos's whilst he advises his brother.
"I understand. I understand everything but it is quite difficult to do so. I wonder how you mastered it." Deimos mutters beneath his breath whilst he stretches his legs rotating his ankles slowly relaxing his sore muscles.
"I do not understand signs of what?" I ask looking around meeting eyes with all the three males but Deimos is the wolf who answers me whilst the other two look on.
"Weakness, Theia. Signs of weakness." He says.
~~~
A/N
This chappy is dedicated to all males in our society who are thrust into the world of toxic masculinity. Males can cry, males can show emotions and males definitely have the right to show their weaknesses for after all, in the end, they are all nothing more or less than beautiful humans.
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