A week had gone by. I went with my mother to the Varemont household once more. I was pacing the courtyard, my heart beating like a drum against my chest. My hands couldn't stay still, constantly fidgeting with the seams of my skirt.
As much as I'd dreaded returning here, wishing for time to stretch longer—as though I could really prevent the time where I would face Niko—I actually managed to step into the estate and asked a knight to call for him.
I was still on the process of strengthening my resolve, dealing with the frantic nerves, when Niko came running toward me. How could he make running look so beautiful?
He stopped mere inches from me, his hands on his knees. He was out of breath, his lean shoulders rising and failing. It seemed like he rushed here as soon as he could.
I took in a breath, held it.
"Lily," he huffed, and then stood properly. I waited for him to recover. "Lily. Oh Lily. I thought you would never come back."
I blinked twice, speaking calmly. "Why would you think that?"
Embarrassment crossed his features. "That day, beside the bank. It didn't end in a good note."
My nails dug into my palm, forming half-moon dents into the skin. "You're right. It didn't."
There was a tense period of silence. The air was heavy, and I was suddenly too aware of every inch of my being. Then, my mother's words entered my mind: 'Ask for forgiveness, Lily. Even if you know there isn't a chance they won't give it to you, at least you can go on forward knowing you tried. Knowing you tried to mend what was broken.'
My mother was right, all points given. Besides, I'd already swore that I wouldn't forgive myself if I didn't do something as small as saying sorry. It wasn't pride that consumed me, it was shame. And I had to overcome this, if I wanted to remain friends with Niko.
Here goes nothing.
"Niko, I'm sorry—"
"Lily, I'm sorry—"
My mouth clamped shut. We'd apologized at the same time . . . why?
Niko squinted with confusion. Underneath the sun, the sweat on his brows glistened like beads of gems. "Wait, why are you saying sorry?"
I stared at him with complete disbelief. "Isn't it obvious? I hurt your friends. But you . . . why are you saying sorry to me?"
Realization flickered in his pupils. "Oh, right you did."
What, had he forgotten it already?
"I didn't forget." He must have read the emotions playing on my face. He was scratching his head, the way he did when he was acting shy or conscious. "It's just that my friends were assholes to you, so I thought they deserved getting their ass kicked. Your reaction was completely justified, Lily."
I was failing to catch up. This didn't make sense. "Then . . . then why did you look at me like I did the worst thing ever?"
Niko froze as he tried to put the pieces together, racking his brain for what I was trying to say. Then the blue of his eyes glimmered with understanding. He smiled sympathetically. "Ah, that. I'm sorry that it seemed like I was angry at you. It must have really shown."
"Yeah, really."
Niko loosed a long breath. "That's why I'm apologizing to you right now, Lily. I thought I'd hurt you by acting so coldly, harshly. You didn't deserve that kind of treatment. Not after my own friends were shitting on you. I had a hunch that you were affected very badly, and it turns out I was right. I wasn't mad at you, Lily. I was mad at myself, more than that, it was disappointment that was crushing me inside that time. I couldn't think straight so I had to let you walk here on your own. I wanted to apologize for that, too."
My brow raised. While Niko talked, the racing of my pulse slowly calmed to a steady beat. "Is that true?"
He nodded firmly. "Yes, I am telling the truth. I loathed myself for not being able to control the situation, for letting people important to me hurt each other. I could have handled it better, but I let it slip out of hand. Instead, I stood there dumbly—confused and pathetic."
As if in reflex, I grabbed his shoulders. "Hey, don't be so hard on yourself. It's also my fault for letting their words get to my head. I was the more childish one."
But my stomach did leap to heights when he said that I was important to him. That alone made my day complete.
Niko chuckled. The sound was filled with amusement, ringing sweet against the breeze that disrupted his ponytail.
I dropped my hands. "What's so funny?"
"Because," he cleared his throat. Niko beamed, his smile brighter than the sun itself. And it seemed that his light entered my heart, overfilling me with warmth and fuzziness. "We're just blaming ourselves."
Relief coursed through me. "So, we're still friends?"
He took my hand and squeezed it. He was filled with utmost sincerity, his tone resolute, when he said, "Always and forever."
I inhaled, my chest constricting. Heat flooded up my cheeks.
Noticing his effect on me, he let go of my hand and his own flew to his neck. "Oh, sorry about that."
"No, it's fine." I blurted. "It's fine, really."
Niko lit up. "That's great. I'm honestly relieved that you didn't hate me for what I did."
"Me too," I said. "I thought I wouldn't see you the next time. Although I almost cried when you told me to leave."
Niko gave an awkward laugh. "I'll make it up to you."
To think I was originally skeptical of coming here. I had convinced myself that Niko didn't want to see me anymore. But it turned out to be a great misunderstanding. Perhaps the thing with Ivan and Mel was another misunderstanding as well?
"Ah, I just remembered." I snapped my fingers and went to a nearby bench where I had put the paper bags I'd brought. The stuff inside them were peace offerings for the two boys. Mother had suggested this idea and I truly hoped it would work. "I want to apologize to Ivan and Mel, also. Can you take me to them?"
"Of course. Why not?" Niko gave me a helpless shrug. But the gratitude in his crystal-blue gaze was undeniable.