Hey babe,
Rhetorical question: what do you do when the person you want to talk to the most is the person that stirred up old unpleasant feelings in your heart?
Last night, part of me wanted you to hug me, the other part wanted to tell you to leave me alone. I settled for telling you 'good night' but you reacted badly to that.
I love you even when it hurts. Even when you drive me crazy. Even when you think you're being a thoughtful, good listener but your mouth is moving and the words coming out sound insensitive.
I'm sorry if that sounded a little passive aggressive.
It was probably intentional. I want to just call you up and hear your voice but part of me is scared that you'll say something cold and make me regret the thought and the action.
You don't realise this yet but loving you means no other person's words hurt as much as yours does. Just keep that in mind.
A wise man once said grief is the price we pay for love.
It's evening now.
Part of me is worried that you didn't think about me once today. That you didn't crave my presence the way I crave yours. I wonder if my absence affects you the way yours does me.
Once in a while, my mind wanders to the discussion we had about divorce (even while we're not yet married). Deep down, I feel as though it would be much easier for you to decide to do that than I ever would.
I know that however much i want you to want me, there is nothing i could do to make it happen. No matter what I do, what i give, whatever i let you take, it could never be enough. Never enough to be sure. Never enough to truly satisfy you or stop you from walking away.
This sounded weird. I guess I'm just saying that you love me but not the way I love you. I've decided never to walk away from you but that's not reciprocal.
PS
For a moment I felt like you were no one special in the larger scheme of my life. Then I blinked and 'boom' I was in love with you again. Now this whole thing just sounds wrong. If you ever see this, it's your fault for opening this not without my permission.
Yours faithfully,
Olaf (aka Loverbear)