I kissed him, I just kissed him but Jackson holds my shoulders breaking the kiss.
"What does it mean?"
He looks surprised but he doesn't push me away.
"I know this is wrong, I shouldn't have these feelings..."
I try to explain but Jackson stops me.
"Not tonight."
He kiss me again, this time passionately.
"When I saw the way Pierre was touching you I freaked out. I'm sorry"
"I was terrified."
We still have so much to talk about, so much to solve but Jackson takes my hand guiding me to his bedroom.
I stop in the middle of the room, Jackson is behind me.
He places kisses on my neck while unzipping my dress, his hand slightly touching my skin setting me on fire.
"Look at me..."
I turn around on his command, Jackson is looking at me with such passion and veneration.
While I work on undoing his tie, he just stares at me. We walk together to the bed, I don't know what the future will bring but tonight I just want to be in his arms.
Jackson is on top of me, his forearm resting on mine. I completely lost the track of time, he slips out of me making me feel empty.
Here he's really with me, not thinking about another woman, it's me making him feel this way.
"Stay with me tonight."
Jackson is still panting, his voice is deep. I can't avoid his eyes full of hope and desire.
"As long as you want me."
"Then never leave me."
I feel my heart pounding fast inside my chest.
"Jax..."
"Please, don't think too much. I have been through hell the last few days, I realized it was because you were not with me.
I don't know how we gonna fix this, but let's just forget for tonight."
The next morning I wake up to an empty bed, first I think Jackson may regret our night together but my doubts disappear when I see him coming out from the bathroom.
He lay by my side with his lazy eyes and a sweet smile.
"I should get going, you need to start to get ready for work soon."
His gaze hardens up a little.
"Why do you have to go?"
"I just told you."
"So you want to leave?"
I blink a few times, I'm not sure what he means. I didn't think it would be a question. I don't live here, I should go home.
"It was amazing but..."
"But what?"
"I can't stay."
"Why not?"
I honestly don't know what to answer, I didn't think he would want me to stay. I didn't think about anything at all.
"I don't know."
"You told me last night you'd stay."
"Yes, I thought you were talking about the night."
"No..."
"Oh..."
He wrapped his arms around me, holding me tight.
"Stay..."
--------
[Trigger Warning: Miscarriage]
"I'm sorry Mrs. Redgrave but I'm afraid your fetus is not developing anymore."
"What do you mean?"
"What I'm trying to say is, you had a miscarriage."
I swallow hard. Everything around me is in slow motion. My baby with Pierre is not here anymore, now I'll never have him back.
I let one single tear run from my eyes, but I can't change the past now.
"So, what do we do now?"
"What? Mrs. Redgrave... are you sure you don't need a moment to process this information? We can call your husband..."
"No, I'm fine. Just tell me what we have to do now."
"Ok... We'll have to make a simple procedure to clean your uterus and make sure you don't have an infection."
"Ok."
By the end of the day, I'm ready to go home from the hospital. I feel empty, but I don't have time to feel pity for myself, I need a plan.
------------
One week later I'm still in Jacksons' house, honestly, at this time I don't even think when I'll have to leave.
"Enjoying the view?"
He's getting dressed, it's one of my favorite shows.
"You bet..."
(oh boy... I love that smile.)
I'm ready to get up and jump on him when I hear baby Jax through the electronic babysitter. He's awake, the party is over. It's mommy time.
Before I leave the room Jackson holds my waist from behind kissing me on my neck.
"I'll meet you both for breakfast, ok?"
"You look happy."
"Oh hey! It's just my grandfather."
"I never heard about your family."
"Yeh, I bet. We never heard about you or Jax before."
"Your parents live in town?"
It feels weird to talk with Jackson about my family, he was married to Amanda for two years but she never mentioned anything.
"No... I mean I don't know. I don't see my father since I was a kid."
"Oh, I'm sorry."
"It's ok. I had great grandparents."
"What about your mother?"
"She also left when we were kids. I saw her again a few weeks ago but she thought I was Amanda. I think they were in touch for a while.
She was not the loveliest mother, her parents took care of me and Amanda. Now it's just me and my grandfather."
Jax gets closer to me on the sofa, he squeezes my hand looking deep inside my eyes.
"No, you have more than just your grandfather."
I smile at him, my heart gets warmer. It's still hard to believe this is happening.
"I'd like to meet him someday."
"Really?"
"If you don't mind, of course."
"Sure, he would love to meet you."
I look down at my hands avoiding his eyes.
"What?"
I don't know how Jax knows me so well in so little time. There's something I need to tell him, but I don't know how it will affect our relationship. Everything is going so well.
"There's something I need to tell you."
"Ok, tell me."
"It's about Amanda."
Jackson leave my hand, I'm really worried but now it's too late.
I don't want to hide anything from you anymore.
"Just tell me."
"When I was in the hospital that day, the doctor told me Amanda was pregnant."
"Yes, I know that. I was there. Now I understand why you were so worried."
"There's more... The doctor told me Amanda was almost four months pregnant."
Jackson stares in the blank, I know he found out what it means.
"You knew all this time?"
"I'm sorry..."
Jackson stands up and walks away.
(oh no he's mad at me)
"Jackson, please talk to me."
"Candice, I need some time ok?"
"No."
He stops and turns back to me.
"Please talk to me."
"I don't know what to say, Candice. I didn't plan to have another kid with Amanda, but I was accepting the idea."
"I know it's difficult for you, but you can talk to me if you need. I mean it, Jax, I don't want to hide anything from you anymore."
I hug him tight, he's still not hugging me back. I know he needs some time but I'm afraid to lose him again.
"I think it's time to solve this with Amanda."
It makes my heart sink, what does it mean? Does he want to fix the things with her?
"I'll ask for a divorce."
My mouth hangs open, I was not expecting this. I don't know how I feel about it.
"Are you sure?"
Jackson turns around and hugs me too.
"Yes, I am. Thank you."
"For what?"
"For telling me the truth."
"I didn't want to make you feel bad."
"There's something you could do to help."
Jackson is looking at me with a mischievous look.
"Really?"
"Yes..."
"How could I help you, sir?"
"A shower always helps me."
"Oh, I see..."
"Wanna join?"
"I couldn't say no to you."
I'll never get tired of seeing Jax undressing.
"Will you just stay there watching? Not that I mind...."
I take off my clothes and join him in the shower.
"Everything is going to be fine."
"I'm not sure about that but right now I just want to be inside you."
One month later I spend more and more time at his house. I usually come every day to take care of Jax, but most of the time I spend the nights too.
We didn't talk about the relationship, he's still married to Amanda. Everything is still too soon, we're trying to take things slow.
I'm playing with Jax when I hear some angry voices coming from the living room.
"I'm sorry Mrs. Redgrave, but I can't let you come in. Mr. Redgrave is not at home, you can find him at work."
"You can't let me in? This is my house!"
"Amanda! What's going on here?"
I find Amanda arguing with a maid.
"Oh! Dear sister, why I'm not surprised at all?"
"She's right, Jackson is not here."
"And you are the lady of the house now?"
Amanda laughs loudly, but there's no humor in her eyes.
"Amanda, what do you want here?"
"You don't think you took enough from me?"
"What do you mean, I didn't take anything from you?"
"Oh, no? You took everything from me, you made Pierre leave me."
"You know why you can't have any contact with Pierre again. You made a deal with detective West, if you talk with Pierre he'll have to charge you."
"As it was not enough steal my husband, my son, now my house too."
"Don't be unfair, you left your husband to live with your lover. I didn't steal anything."
"Now I have nothing..."
Her voice is shaking now, she places a hand over her tummy.
(oh my god... no)
"Mandie..."
I run to her, she doesn't try to stop me, I hold her tight. My eyes are swollen, I can't hold my tears.
"Mandie... I'm sorry."
After a moment she gets away from my arms.
"I don't need your pity."
"Mandie, what happened? When...?"
"You don't need to worry about me, I'm great now."
"Amanda you need to talk with someone, you need help to go through this."
"Oh! Now you care? I'm finally worthy of saint Candice?"
"Amanda... please"
"I came here just to tell Jackson he'll not get rid of me this easy."
"This is between you both, I don't talk with him about your divorce situation."
"Enjoy your dream life while you can, till Jackson gets tired of you too and leave you with nothing just like he did to me."
"Amanda, I can't imagine what you're going through. Why don't you come with me to visit Papa Danny for a few days? Could make you feel better."
She ignores my words.
"And don't think he'll not get tired of you, he will..."
Amanda storms out of the house, I finally remember to breathe again.
I sit down on the couch exhausted, I can't even imagine how Amanda is feeling now. She lost her second baby, she looks really sad this time.