I'm still numb, I don't know how I feel. It hurts, it hurts bad, but I can't cry or fight. She's his wife, after all, I'm the intruding one, the home wrecker.
I'm driving back to my place after getting into Jackson and Amanda in his bed. My mind is cloudy, it feels like a bad dream.
When I get home I go straight to bed, I don't want to think.
When I wake up in the middle of the night the reality crashes over me again, It was real.
I check my phone, of course, there are many voice calls from Jackson. Also, Josie replied to my message. I told her to get earlier to work, I just said I wouldn't be there.
This is what hurts most, Jax is not my son. I can't take him with me, it would be kidnapping.
There are also missed calls from Lucas, I wonder what else he wants but honestly, right now I don't care, I just turn off my phone without replying to anyone and get back to sleep.
The next morning the sickness wakes me up. I run to the bathroom, I barely can't make it before I throw up my guts out.
After a couple of hours, I'm feeling better, I finally check my phone again. I start with Josie, I ask her about baby Jax. She says he's fine but he asks about me, I miss him too.
Then I check Lucas's messages, he needs my signature on one more paper. I call him to come over. I just want this to end.
There's a lot of messages from Jackson. I hesitate, I don't know if I'm ready to listen to him, even just reading hurts. I check only the newest one.
**I'll be at work, then I'll meet Detective Lucas. Please come to see Jax, I promise to stay away. We need to talk, but I'll not push.**
I don't reply, I feel the tears forming behind my eyes. I'm not ready to see Jackson, I don't know if he's trying to trick me but I need to see baby Jax.
Later Lucas comes to my place to finish some papers about the case. I lost count on how many times I had to tell everything I found about Pierre when I was living as Amanda.
I finish and hand the papers to Lucas.
"I think we finally have everything now."
"I hope so."
"Thanks again, Candice."
I just smile slightly, I don't know how much time I can hold myself before a break.
"Candice, something is upsetting you?"
I don't know if it's the hormones, just Lucas's interest in my situation makes me fall apart.
I'm sobbing on Lucas's chest, he's petting my head and running his hand on my back. I slowly start to feel a bit better.
When I finally stop crying I suddenly feel so silly for a break like this in front of him.
"I'm sorry..."
"No, no. You don't need to be sorry. I'm glad to be here to help you, please just tell me what happened."
"I figured there's something wrong between you and Jackson but I didn't want to pry."
"I'm pregnant."
"Oh! This is... Is this why you're upset?"
"I'm terrified."
"It must be really hard for you."
"I'm feeling lost."
Lucas holds my hand, it's nice to open up with someone. I'm glad for having him now.
"I was serious, you can count on me for anything you need."
"Thank you, I'll be fine. I just need time to think."
"Sure, I have to go now but I'll call you later, ok?"
"Ok, thanks again."
"No problem."
----------
I sent dozen of messages and phone calls to Candice, I'm not surprised she's not replying. I hope she comes to see Jax, he's calling her all day.
"Mr. Redgrave, Detective Lucas is here."
"Thanks, Cathy, please let him come in."
I don't want to see anyone today, especially Lucas West but I can't wait to finish this case.
"Detective West."
"Mr. Redgrave."
He ignores my hand and just sits down in front of me. It's not so weird, we're not best friends but I thought we were doing fine at this point. I decide not to think about this too much.
He hands me the papers about the case, I check everything before I sign.
"There's something wrong detective?"
He's been giving me threatening glances since he entered my office. Lucas scoffs at my question.
"You must be kidding me."
"No, I'm not kidding, Detective West. It was a real question."
"I'm trying to stay away from personal issues, but you're asking for it."
"I have no idea what are you talking..."
"Honestly I didn't like Candice chose you, but I thought you'd be good to her. Now I see I was wrong.
What kind of man abandons a pregnant woman?"
"What?"
I have no idea what he is talking about, but before I can react Lucas hit me in the face.
I fall over the table, I raise my hand to my face. I quickly stand up on my feet again, I feel the blood taste in my mouth.
"What the fuck!? Was it about Amanda? I was not even the father!"
"You was only using Candice, now she's pregnant and you throw her away like she's nothing."
"She is what?"
I can't believe what he just said. How could he know something like this?
(What's going on here? I can hear you both from outside.)
Candice opens the door, she's holding Jax. She glances from me to Lucas waiting for an answer, Josie comes right behind her, both looking surprised and scared.
"Josie, can you place take him?"
"Sure."
Josie takes the boy from Candice and leaves.
"What happened to you? You're bleeding!"
I can't speak, I'm still shocked about what Lucas told me.