The next morning I wake up early, Lucas is still sleeping on the couch. I want to avoid a weird talk with him, I decide to leave without saying anything.
I walk on my peep-toes trying not to make any sound, unfortunately, I'm not quiet enough to leave unnoticed by a detective.
"Why are you sneaking away?"
Lucas's voice is low and sleepy but makes me jump.
"I thought you were still sleeping I didn't want to wake you up."
"To me looks like you're running away."
(Damn! why he has to be a detective?)
"Yeh... I thought I could take some time off to think."
"I know yesterday was tough for you, but don't forget what I said."
Lucas sits down on the couch, he seems very comfortable with me here. I can see he's not wearing much under the sheets.
I try to keep my eyes on his face, out of his toned body. But I know I'm blushing.
"I really care about you, Candice. I'll be by your side."
"I know..."
"But I can't help you if you don't talk with me. I know you're not comfortable to be around Jackson again."
(He has no idea, thankfully Lucas can't read minds.)
"I'm not backing off, I told you I'd help you."
"Ok."
"I just need time for myself."
"I understand. I know what to do. I'm taking you for dinner later. What do you say?"
I know Lucas may have some feelings for me, I appreciate the way he cares but I don't know if I could feel the same way about him.
"I... ok"
He sighs, I think he was a bit anxious about my answer.
"Great, go home now and rest. I call you later."
"Fine. Bye detective."
"See you later, Candice."
Lucas winks at me and lay down again. When I leave his house I decide to visit my grandfather, has been a while since we saw each other.
I was right, it's nice to talk with Papa Danny, I miss his messy cooking skills and funny stories about his beaf with the other retirees from the chess club.
"Candie..."
I just noticed I was not paying attention to his story. He had called me a few times.
"Sorry, Papa. What did you say?"
"I know you, baby, I can tell something is going on in that head of yours."
(He knows me, but I don't know where to start.)
"I saw mom."
Papa just raises his eyebrows at me, I can't tell if he's surprised or worried, maybe both.
"Did you talk?"
"Yes... but she didn't recognize me. She thought I was Amanda."
"I'm sorry, Candice."
"Why? It's not your fault."
"I think it's time for you to know about your mother."
"Don't worry Papa, I think I already know enough about her."
"How come?"
"She was asking for money."
"That's very Alice-like."
"I always wondering if she ever thought about us, at least now I know the answer."
"Candice, Alice is my daughter but I have to admit that woman only cares about herself."
(I know more than he thinks...)
"When she got pregnant I thought she would start to behave and fix her life but I was wrong. She got pregnant from a married man, she got all the money she could from him. When he finally found out the person she was she left him."
"It's like I'm seeing the story repeating itself with Amanda."
He glances at me, Papa Danny closes his eyes and sigh.
"I knew she was not good for you both, I told her to leave. But I think it was too late for Amanda, I'll never forgive myself for not having made something earlier."
It's the first time I see him this sad since grandma died.
"It was not your fault, you and grandma always cared about us. Amanda made her own choices."
"I know, I love your sister and I love Alice too. I wish I could have done something to save them."
"Some people don't want to be saved."
"You're right."
Papa smile holds my hand and squeezes it.
"But I'm not sad because I have you, a decent strong woman, and now my young grandson. I know he'll be a great man, I saw the way you're close."
Later that day I start to get ready for dinner with Lucas, I don't know what to wear since he didn't tell me where are we going.
Also, I'm not sure if this is a date, would be weird to ask. Maybe he's right I need something to distract me from the stressful situation with Jax. I still think he's angry with me, I just don't know what happened last night.
It was not just sex, did we fight or made up? I honestly don't know.
I still feel him on my lips, I can see him every time I close my eyes, I shiver when I remember where he has been, the way he possessed my body and mind.
(Ahg.... I need to stop thinking about Jackson.)
I shake my head and check myself on the mirror. At the same time I hear the doorbell rings.
"Coming!"
I run to open the door, I'm still trying to get ready.
"Hey!"
"Hey! You look good."
"Thank you but I'm still not ready. I can't decide, down... or up?"
I show both hair styles to Lucas.
"hnmm... I guess you'd be great in anything."
"Now I know I cant trust you."
"I'm sorry, I can't help you here, but I swear you look good both ways."
"Fine... lets go then."
I'm glad he didn't take me to a very classic or romantic spot. Is not that I don't like romance but I feel more comfortable with more people talking around, loud music, and everything than candles, background music, and couples whispering at the next table.
"Nice place."
"I'm glad you liked."
"Thanks for inviting me."
"No, I'm the lucky one here."
"Fine... Do you have any suggestion from the menu?"
"You should try the Steak and potatoes. Sounds cliche I know, but I bet you never tried a steak like this."
"hnm... You got me curious. I think I'll give it a try."
"Great, let me call the waiter."
We have our orders set, the waiter get back a few minutes later with our dishes. Lucas is surprisingly easy going when he's not on duty.
"I have to admit, you were right. This is amazing!"
"I told you..."
"Thank you again for this."
"Stop thank me, just enjoy."
"I am, don't worry."
I start to think if I could grow feelings for him. He's always here to me, he's not complicated, maybe Lucas is exactly what I need.
I'm lost in my thoughts when his phone rings waking me up.
"I'm sorry, I should answer. It's work."
"It's ok."
*West*
His layback face it's gone, Lucas is totally on duty mode again.
*Ok, I can be there in a half hour.*
*Thank you*
"It's everything ok?"
"It was Jackson Redgrave."
"Oh..."
Lucas pause for a moment before he finishes, I think he's studying me.
"We need to go."
"Something bad happened?"
"No, actually it's the opportunity we were expecting."
"I don't get you."
"I'll explain on our way."
"Do I need to meet him with you?"
"Yes, you still want to help?"
"Sure."
(Just when I thought I'd have a break from this mess...)
We cut our dinner earlier and leave to meet Jackson at his house.
A half hour later we arrive at his place, Samuel let us inside.
"He's waiting on his office."
"Thank you, Samuel."
I think Josie and now Samuel are the only from the staff to know about the exchange. He's still professionaly kind to me.
"You're welcome, Miss Austen."
"Just Candice, please."
Samuel gives a subtle smile and nod. I follow with Lucas to the office, he still seems a bit surprised I know my way around the house.
Lucas knocks on the slightly open door.
"Come in detective."
Lucas walks inside and I'm coming right behind him. Jackson was at his table, when he looks up and see me there he glances from me to Lucas. His jaw clenched, but he manages to keep talking.
"I didn't know you'd call her already, I thought you'd want to discuss this first."
"I think it's better this way, also she was with me when you called anyway."
Jackson twist his face a little, is almost imperceptible. But I know that look, he's upset.
"Of course..."
His face changes, Jackson takes a moment before he keep talking. He glance at me holding me with his gaze for a briefly moment.
"Pierre got in touch again, he expects us to resume the negotiations. I think he still doesn't know his hidden accounts are frozen."
"He couldn't know, he was planing to transfer the money and disappear before you could notice anything."
"He'll attend the annual stakeholders dinner."
"That's the opportunity we were looking for, when will this happens?"
"In two weeks."
"Perfect, I have to call the captain, then we can start the plan. Excuse me a minute."
Lucas leaves the room to call the Captain, leaving me alone with Jax.
"Are you sure he doesn't know anything?"
"Yes."
His answer is harsh, the cold in Jackson's eyes sends the temperature in the room to the north pole.
"I'm here to help, you don't need to be rude."
Jackson snorts getting up from his chair.
"Don't you think you had enough?"
"You came here with nothing, you got a place in my bed..."
He walks on my way getting too close.
Jackson talks while he runs a hand through the side of my body, from the side of my breast, ribs, waist, then stopping by my hips.
"...now look at you, you got the detective too. I'm sure you'll not have any problem getting more information from Pierre."
I take his hand away from me but I don't back off, I stay put. His words hurts me deep but I'm not keeping my head down.
"You don't have the right to talk with me like this. I don't need to do anything about Pierre or your business, I never got anything for myself since I came here. I'm still here because this is the right thing to do, but if you don't want my help just say the word."
"Oh no... I'd never do that. I'm really thankful for Detective West convince you to help, he did a very good job by himself. Took him only a couple of weeks to have what I took months to get."
Before I can think straight a hit his face with my hand.
"Why are you trying to hurt me?"
My voice is shaking, I'm fighting against the tears rising behind my eyes.
Jackson doesn't answer he just takes a hand to his face. Of course, I'm not strong enough to make any real harm.
Jackson push me against his table, he crash his lips on mine. I try to push him away but Jackson holds my arms.
His eyes are so intense, I'm struggling to escape but he holds me tight.
"Why I can't stop feeling this...?"
Jackson sounds distressed but the way he treated me was unforgivable.
He look deep into my eyes as he's searching for a answer I don't have.
"Were you thinking about him when you was in my bed?"
"You're sick."
I push him away, turn around and storm outside the room. I bump on Josie outside carrying baby jax.
"Oh! I didn't know you were here?
"I'm leaving actually."
Baby Jax is already trying his first attempts to speak. The sight of that cute smile always makes everything better.
His eyes go wide when he sees me, I try my best to stop the tears from falling. He put his hands up to me, calling me.
He's still learning but it's very clear he's calling me mom, it's so sweet. My heart sink in my chest.
"Can you please give me a hand? I don't think I can make him sleep now."
I take him from Josie, but Jackson voice behind me makes me jump.
"You don't need to do this, you're not his mother."
I turn around to face him with the baby in my arms.
"No, I'm not. But I'm here now and I'll not leave him wondering why the person he knows as his mother don't want him. He needs me and I'll not say no to this baby."
We stare to each other for a moment, Jackson doesn't try to stop me. I walk to baby Jax's bedroom leaving him and Josie behind.
I sit with the baby in my arms, I try to forget about the talk I just had with Jackson. I don't know why he's so mean to me now, I'm trying to help.
--------
(I don't know what's happening to me, why am I so angry?)
I run my hands through my hair, I feel bad for the way I talked with Candice. We're not together I can't be mad if she's with Lucas West.
(It doesn't matter how I feel about her, she's the closest thing to a mother Jax knows. I can't keep her away from him now. I just wish I could stop having this feeling.)
I meet Lucas West in the living room, he just finished his call.
"Everything is set, I just made it official. now I can use the information we get from now on against Pierre."
"You really think we still need Candice? You don't have enough to arrest him?"
"I have enough to arrest him, but not enough to stop his scheme. We need to find the rest of the money and if someone else is helping him."
"I see you really trust her. You don't think this relationship between the two of you can be a conflict of interest?"
West frowns his eyebrows and waits a moment before answering.
"I'm not sure what are you trying to say here. I'd never let anything interfere with my work, but I don't think this is something I'd want to discuss with you."
"I think were done for today Mr Redgrave."
"Sure, Candice is with my son. I'll find her for you."
I leave West in the living room to look for Candice and Jax, I find them in his bedroom.
They're both sleeping, I'm not sure if I want to wake her up. I still feel something inside when we're so close, I'll not let Candice play with me like her sister did, but I don't know why I can't stop thinking about this woman.
Before I can make my decision to wake up her or not, Candice opens her eyes, she blinks a few times and starts to get up.
"Detective West is leaving now."
"I'll just take Jax to his crib."
I just nod and leave her, I think it's better to keep my distance till I understand why is so hard to be around her.