She ignores me, smiling. I follow her down the trail that Carly just came out of. The tree was a bit smaller but still massive inside. On the backside there is built up sand and roots coming from the "ceiling" of the tree.
"Wow," I say in awe.
"Cool right?" She giggled grabbing some hay from the outside of the tree.
My tics started up again. I tried to hold it in, but it brought an uneasy feeling up my spine.
"What the fuck was that?" She comments when they arise.
"N- n- nothing," I try to spit out. "You fucking bitch."
I slap my mouth, "what the hell did you call me?"
"I'm sorry," I cry.
"Why'd you say it then?" She laughs in a confused way.
"I didn't mean to," I choke.
"You're not making any sense," she whines.
"It's my fucking tics!" I yell.
"What's that?" She questions.
"Tourette's?" She stares blankly, "it's like a nervous system disorder that makes you do involuntary repetitive movements and sounds."
"Oh," she said, still a little uneasy.
"I have more nervous tics though."
"What disorders do you have?" She asks.
"Well," I try to remember, "Depression, Anxiety, very well-hidden ADHD, Misophonia, I used to have OCD, insomnia, eating disorder, I may have Dissociative disorder, oh, and I'm not 100% sure but maybe BPD, and maybe PTSD."
"Jeez!" She yells.
"But the thing is," I try to explain, "a lot of it is connected. I'm not that fucked up. I have insomnia because of my anxiety. I have dissociative disorder because of my ADHD. And I think my BPD causes all of it."
"And what's BPD?" She seemed intrigued.
"It's like unstable moods changing every five seconds. For instance, you could be mad at your friend and yelling, then all of the sudden you change. You are calm and collected, but in your friends' eyes, they do not see that. Does that make sense?"
"Kind of," she says, pulling at one of the roots.
"Are you excited for your birthday?" She asked, "it's tomorrow!"
"It's not like I'm gonna hang out with my friends, besides you obviously." I whine
"Maybe we can get Harlow to come!" She bursts.
"Well, she's in the mental hospital, and her mom would never let us." I laughed nervously, "I was the one railing her when she came in."
"You never know!" She shouts.
"Whatever," I roll my eyes.