LILIANA
I watched Vivian's retreating back as she carried my little boy to safety. She didn't know what was about to happen. She couldn't. If she was involved in any way she would be killed like a dog that betrayed its owner, not to mention that if worse came to worse, if I failed in my last attempt to convince Trevor, I didn't want any chance that Vivian or Henry would be accidentally be harmed in the course of doing what I had to do for all of us.
Another woman might have resented Vivian, blaming her for destroying her marriage and happiness. Instead, I was grateful. If not for Vivian I might have remained in my blissful ignorance, loving a monster without ever learning the truth. I might have foolishly loved him until I died, or perhaps his true nature would have revealed itself eventually, but either way I would have wasted more of my life and lost precious time that I could use to start over, to find a good man to start a new family with, to be a good father and teacher for Henry.
I went down to the kitchen to begin preparing the meal. For every dish I prepared three portions: two for the both of us, and one just for him. If Trevor would agree to stop harming Vivian, I would feed him from the first portion. If not, then from the second.
Without any physical injury, I hoped it would be possible to pass off Trevor's death as natural, then quickly get him cleaned and buried before anyone would think to investigate. I didn't think his father would cooperate with the murder, but once it was done it should be possible to get him to cooperate with covering it up. It was the only way to save Vivian, and I was sure that he wouldn't want his grandson to be orphaned of both parents at the same time.
However, there was still a small part of me that loved him, and I never killed a person before. As I worked I desperately hoped and tearfully prayed to the gods that I would not have to feed him the second portion.
Trevor arrived shortly before lunchtime. I left the kitchen and greeted him near the entrance
"Welcome home, husband", I said as warmly as I could manage. He looked surprised.
"Hello", was all he replied with.
"I sent Vivian away with Henry. I thought we could try talking things over alone".
"I...see", he said guardedly.
I led him to the dining table and sat down next to him, in our usual seats. I thought that perhaps, if we held a proper conversation, if I tried listening to his side, I could find the real reason why he was hurting Vivian or a flaw in his reasoning. Then I could use it to convince him that he was wrong. If only he could be made to somehow see reason, we could resolve the situation in a safe and peaceful way.
I rested my hand on his forearm. He didn't pull away. That was an encouraging sign.
"Could you please explain to me why you must hurt Vivian? I still don't understand", I asked. Trevor frowned and looked down at the table, thinking it over.
"My mother was sick. Something about giving birth made her weak, and each time she gave birth it got worse. Father bought the old cat to help mother with the housework, but then he started bedding her. Mother hated it. It made her more sick. That's the reason she ended up dying. The young cat was only conceived because father and the old cat were making my mother sick to death, and her presence was a constant reminder to mother of what father did to hurt her. Her existence made mother even more sick, especially since father treated her as if she was his daughter".
Trevor rested his hands on the table and interlaced his fingers while he spoke. The whole time that he was talking he had his head down, as if he was talking to the wood of the table rather than to me.
"I always sensed that with the way she died she couldn't find peace in the afterlife. Then during the last anniversary of mother's death I realized that I had the way to bring her peace: by venting her grief on those who have harmed her. I couldn't touch father or his property, but the young cat was now my property. A large portion of mother's grief was directly tied to her, and by punishing her I could also make father and the old cat suffer. The more I punish her, the more mother's soul will be soothed".
It made a sickening kind of sense, if one assumed that he was right about the afterlife. I controlled my urge to rage at him.
"But why rape? Even if you have to punish her, couldn't you make due with just giving her pain through the collar, or maybe even beatings? What about me? Don't you realize that you've hurt me too?" I tried to keep the anger and revulsion out of my voice.
Trevor shook his head.
"Why should it hurt you? It's not like I was cheating on you. What father did hurt mother because he was giving his heart to an animal. I was merely punishing one. And I have to punish her with every method that I can, to make sure that mother's soul is fully satisfied".
"It hurts me because you are having sexual relations with another woman", I said. I blinked a few times to keep myself from crying. It was important to stay calm, so that Trevor will feel that I'm dealing with him as an equal. If I lost my temper or started crying he'd likely feel that he was speaking with a small child, and the sense of superiority that would give him would prevent him from listening to anything I said.
Trevor looked bewildered.
"But she's not a woman, she's an animal. A female cat, to be precise".
I considered arguing the point, but felt that it wouldn't be helpful. Instead I chose to ignore what he just said.
"Are you sure that hurting her will help your mother? What if it does the opposite? After all, Vivian hasn't actually done anything to hurt her. She didn't choose to be born, she didn't choose to be loved by your father. You're hurting an innocent person in your mother's name. Can't that instead cause your mother to be sent to hell?"
Trevor seemed conflicted, and I felt a spark of hope. Then his expression turned hard again, and I realized that he could never admit, especially to himself, that he was wrong. After all that he had done, even after just the first time, to admit he was wrong was to accept the guilt for all the horrible things he had done to Vivian, and that was something that he didn't dare to face. It was a truth that, once he accepted it, would break him. He had to stubbornly stick to the belief that what he was doing was right, and if it was right then he couldn't stop doing it. Even before he opened his mouth, I already knew how he would reply.
"There is no sin in harming an animal. The gods gave them to us for our use, whatever it may be, and if an animal can be used to help a human, that is a merit for it", he said harshly.
"Beast-kin are not animals, and Vivian is almost entirely human", I said.
"Even if an animal acquires some human characteristics, it's still fundamentally an animal. It doesn't matter how smart it is, or what it looks like", Trevor countered.
"I understand", I said evenly. I clasped my hands under the table, trying to hide the fact that I was shaking. The conversation was over, and there was no way to reach any other outcome except for the one that I feared.