As morning came, he went without even saying a word and before I woke up. After eating my breakfast I went outside I was still unhappy, even after getting back together I guess my anxiety was too much to even get rid of or just be happy for even a day. After my parents knew that I have panic attacks, they didn't care even if I had a panic attacks so much that it will make me faint so after that whenever I had those attacks I did it as secretly as possible and I had it every day two or three times. I couldn't take it anymore so… I met my eldest cousin and told her everything, she said, "I know that it's hard but… you have to hold onto it, you cannot give up… I know that you don't want to live anymore and you are tired but… never give up. Go to therapy if you have to." Well, I wanted to go to therapy but my parents didn't allow it.
As I was walking, many thoughts were filling up my mind, the house where I was born had many rules which were one of my reasons to have anxiety. As the years passed by and nothing changed in my life it was how it used to be. And… I started counting the people in my funeral.
When I was on a date, we walking at a park which also had a swimming pool in it. After being with him for many years, I noticed that Joon was really afraid of going to water or never even tried it. As we were joking around playfully, sometimes it became too awkward for us as his butler et an eye on us wherever we went and whatever we did. We were being adventures for a day, we went hiking as well; then a moment came when I had to jump off of a wall, I was scared so he was ready to catch me and as I jumped something so, so awkward happened that we were being flustered for an hour.
As we were walking and enjoying the view and the time together and laughing and the butler still with us, he told the butler to turn around and so he did. And he suddenly, without a warning kissed me again, my second kiss was with the person I had my first kiss with After that we were to what we were doing… walking; as we were there was a rock in my way so I had to side a little bit and as I did… he fell in the water*splash*. As soon as the butler heard the sound he rushed to the water and jumped in… my heart was beating so fast, I was so scared that I had anxiety attacks at that time, I had a bad feeling that something is going to happen.
To be continued…