"Hanabi Fucking Abe!" Gerard, my mother's only brother and now my legal guardian shouts angrily at me at 7 in the morning.
"Jeez, Gerard, what the hell's got you so worked up this early?" I groaned as I rolled over in bed, one hand on my throbbing forehead. Gods, how much did I drink last night?
Gerard makes one exaggerated sniff and I know he was probably asking the same thing. Still, I roll my eyes at his theatrics because I know his canine nose must have smelled the booze from downstairs. Oh, Gerard, ever so dramatic.
I heave a small content sigh as I watch Gerard Vanderbilt's 6 foot frame loom over me. His long ash blond hair that he always ties into a ponytail with some loose hair elegantly frames the front of his fair. He has a jawline I know the boys at my school were jealous of and his emerald green eyes shone in the dusty morning light that entered my bedroom's windows. Gerard was a drop-dead looker and to be fucking honest, I think everyone on my mother's side of the family was.
A bitter taste enters my mouth as I think of my poor mother who was now housed in the local Asylum, or you know, so the elders say. I never deigned to visit to confirm. Regardless, I could not deny the fact that her emerald green eyes and thick flowing brunette hair made her look angelic even as she did some of the most devilish things to me.
"Hanabi, are you even listening to me? How many times have I told you that there shall be no underaged drinking under my roof and that you should try to act more of a role model to Kirrigan?"
Kirrigan was my cousin. He shared the same ash blonde hair as his father, except his is almost white. It made the green of his eyes seem more piercing, especially when he's the quiet one in the family. For all the loudmouth his father was, Kirrigan was the opposite. He was always quiet and brooding but he was also smart and high-achieving. He was after all a year younger than me but he ended up skipping fourth grade and now we go to the same freaking high school in the same freaking year. I am just so glad we only shared a few classes together. It was already embarrassing enough being compared against my stellar cousin by the elders. I didn't need my teachers constantly doing so, too.
"Oh please, if anything, I'm actually helping Kirrigan live a little. If it weren't for me, he would always be stuck in his room reading or doing whatever smart people do in their rooms." It wasn't like I forced Kirrigan out though. I mean, at first, Gerard made him go as my chaperone but I guess after Kirrigan realized how wild these parties could get and how much I needed a sober lift home, he often didn't even need to be asked. Truth be told, I actually try to ditch him at home sometimes… making out can be extra hard when you have your 6 ft 2 " cousin brooding in the background.
But I guess he really must be the smart one in the family cause all my ditch plans fail and he always ends up at whichever party I'm at anyway. It wasn't like he was some nerdy social pariah. Actually, to the contrary, he was sort of some jock in nerd universe. The school always voted him into the student council and he was well-liked by everyone despite his lack of interest in socializing with others. He probably even gets the party invites before I do.
Finally, I sit up and drink the glass of water Kirrigan most likely left on my bedside table after he tucked me in last night. I'm in a fresh change of clothes too even though I distinctly remember puking on my black Dior dress. Kirrigan, like his father, is tough nut on the outside but a soft freaking marshmallow on the inside. It's why I really love them both. Feeling suddenly sentimental over the little things, I leap from my bed and give Gerard a big hug and a sloppy kiss on his perfect jawline. If I weren't some measly half-wolf and could actually transform into a wolf like them, I would probably have already. Unfortunately, it's just one more tough luck I had been dealt with in life, apparently. My father was 100% human and liar. He probably got sick feeling so wick around the wolf pack anyway despite the fact that everyone made it a point not to transform in front of him, in respect to my mother's wishes.
My mother, had she remained sane, would have already been the head of the elders by now. The Vanderbilts after all, hail from the founding ancestor's line. The Alphas usually come from our family too when there is a suitable one from the generation. It is only because of this family name that I am able to get away with so much of my antics. That fateful night 10 years ago, Gerard quickly stepped down as Alpha though and settled for a role in the Elder Council instead. He said he wanted time to focus on his family. And this is exactly why he has become full-on stage mom to Kirrigan and me. His mate died before I even learned how to walk and so, he always visited us at our home back then, carrying the shy little Kirrigan on his shoulders. Now, that shy boy is gone.
I used to think Kirrigan and I were close as children, especially so after the incident. I used to wake up in the middle of the night crying and with his sharp hearing and quick reflexes, he'd charge into my room and let me cry in his company. He had always been sweet like that and I guess, in some ways, even now, he still was. We just stopped having sleepovers in our rooms and we don't talk as often as we used to but I know deep down that he always has my back.
"Hanabi! Don't you dare think you make cute your way out of this!" Gerard huffs and I laugh because even as he says that, I know it still works. I give him my brand of puppy eyes, deep violets fringed by my blue-black hair. I have narrow slanted eyes, a distinction I have from my Western family and a reminder that I will always be my father's bastard. In choosing to marry a human, my mother tied herself to a life of never finding a true mate and in me forever being branded as just some bastard born child. Nobody will say it to my face though— Vanderbilt privileges.
"I'll go wash up and help you make breakfast. How's pancakes sound?" I say as I turn and make my way to the bathroom across my room. He doesn't say anything and I know the battle is already won.
It's not that I don't feel bad for giving him all this stress though. I don't intentionally go out of my way to cause him trouble, at least not specifically.
There are simply nights when I can't stop myself.
I can't stop myself from seeking warm bodies who would whisper sweet nothings into my ear when my nagging sense of worthlessness creeps in.
I can't stop myself from wanting wandering hands on my skin when the chill in my bones was just too much than the alcohol can handle.
I can't stop myself from hearing the words I kept hearing since that night when I close my eyes, vile sharp words in the voice of the person who was once my mother.
I needed the noise and the distraction to keep the voice down and to keep myself sane.
I never told Gerard or even Kirrigan these things though. They already have enough on their plates. I can fix my own little problems in my own little ways even if they don't always like my methods.
After all, to each his own, no?