Katie
The night had been a lot harder on me than I had thought it would be. I am used to Avery being here, I didn't realize how comfortable I had become in our relationship. It hurt so bad to watch him walk out the door. I know it was hard on him to leave us, but I also know that I need time. I know Avery did not intend to hurt anyone, and I can't blame him for the relationships he had before ours. The role play, as disappointing as it is to know he willingly took part in it, there is a part of me that is jealous that I never knew he was even into acting out sexual fantasies. Not that I feel like our sex life is vanilla, or boring, we have never discussed our interests in that area. When he told me, he knew who was responsible for the assault, it had knocked me back a little; I had stopped caring about it the moment Avery and I started a relationship. Not that I had forgotten that it happened, I was just thankful that it had brought Avery into my life. That realization hit me hard, if he had not done what he did, would he be a part of my life now? I also wouldn't have Adrian, and that thought causes an unsuspecting panic to rise from my gut. Then there is the fact that Troy knew. That certainly explained his actions each time he saw me, but why wouldn't he tell us? Why did he carry that weight around on his own? But then again, seeing how hard it was for Avery to tell me, I can just imagine how hard it was for Troy to share what happened. The ordeal had certainly changed my life, had been a major source of anxiety for me, but it had also brought the two greatest gifts into my life.
The sunlight is streaming in the nursery window when Adrian beckons me with his whimpering. As I sit in the glider to nurse him, I realize how much my life has changed. As I look down at the little life I hold in my arms, I know I don't mind the changes at all, I welcome them. It also makes me realize that there are some other changes I would like to make in my life. Looking down at my son, I realize I want to take a break from working full time. I brought on another veterinarian at my practice and I do own the place. Therefore, I don't need to be there on a full-time basis to run it. I can come in once a week for payroll, meetings, and be available to help with surgeries when needed. I will set up a nursery area in the office for Adrian and find a nanny or babysitter to come in and help during those times. Feeling like some of the weight has been lifted off my shoulders, once I get Adrian back to sleep, I get to work setting my plan in motion. Taking advantage of the momentary silence, I call into the office to schedule a meeting to discuss and set up my plans. My receptionist is ecstatic, relaying the background chorus of congratulations coming from my staff. I am excited to begin this new chapter in my life.
Avery
After having the most restless night of my life, I decide to get up with the sun and head out for a morning run. I need to clear my head before heading into work. I don't know exactly what I was expecting to happen, but I cannot begin to describe the disappointment I felt checking my phone all night, and not seeing anything from Katie. There was a part of me that was hoping she would call and let me come home. Home. Isn't that funny? Although I have my own place, I think of Katie's house as home. She didn't know when she asked me to move in with her that I had already been wanting to discuss that option with her. I ache with how badly I want to be with her and Adrian. But I knew, before I could take that step with her, that she needed to know the truth.
As I walk into the precinct, I am greeted by an overzealous Leo. It's not his fault I had a shit night. I give him a crooked smile and thank him as he hands me a cup of coffee. "What are you so damn happy about?"
"Got an apartment, found one fully furnished at that complex Hayley told me about." Leo boasts about his lucky find.
"That's great, man." It is hard for me to be happy for the guy at the moment.
"So, I was thinking maybe you and some of your friends might like to come over for a housewarming of sorts. A cookout where maybe I can make some friends." He seems to be embarrassed to be asking, his body tense and uneasy.
I feel bad for the guy, I couldn't imagine moving to a new location and not knowing anyone or having any friends. "Sure, I will get with everyone and see if we can agree on a day that works." I give him a half smile. I send a quick text invite to Wayne, Troy and Rick, then I hover over Katie's name in my phone, but decide against it. I get my work day started, following up on paperwork and a few leads on some existing cases, when I hear back from the group of guys that they would love to get together, and surprisingly they are all free this evening. After conferring with Leo, we finalize plans. My heart aches that I wasn't able to include Katie, and by default, Hayley, however, I think it will be nice to just hang with the guys. It's not that I don't want to see Katie, but I am trying desperately to give her time and space she needs. I left her having no idea how she was feeling after my big revelation, and although the not knowing is eating away at me, I must trust her and give her what she asked for.
After a rather uneventful day at work, I follow Leo to his new apartment. Rick was already at the complex, currently visiting with Hayley, and Wayne and Troy arrive soon after me. We all take the same elevator to Leo's apartment. Although it is a small, one-bedroom apartment, it is clean and very plain. I try to keep in mind that he just moved in and had been staying at an extended stay hotel, and because of that fact, he likely doesn't have a lot of personal effects with him. The guys are persuading Leo that it is the perfect bachelor pad, and we all get settled with beers while Leo starts the grill he has out on his balcony.
Turning to me, after Leo has exited onto his balcony, Wayne asks, "So, have you heard from Katie?"
"No." I exhale loudly.
"Give her time, man." Wayne reaches over and pats me on my shoulder from his seat across from me.
"I am, I just hope she doesn't take too much time. I am going fucking crazy. I miss her and Adrian so much." My head is laid back on the top of the couch with my eyes closed.
Troy joins me on the couch, "She won't, it is clear she loves you."
Rick, who sits on a barstool at the kitchen bar, looks over at me, "Is something going on with you and Katie?" Guess this means that Katie hasn't said anything to Hayley yet. I am not sure how much I want Rick to know at this point.
Looking over at Rick, I respond, "She needs some space. I am giving it to her, but I'm not giving up on her." Rick nods but doesn't ask anything else. Leo comes back in with a plate full of steaks, along with baked potatoes wrapped in foil. We all join him in the kitchen to fix our plates and we each find a stool around the bar. We make small talk while we eat, then congregate into the living room to play video games. Leo indicates that he is looking for a part time job to supplement his current one, to which Troy responds with information on a part time security position at the casino and invites him to apply. The rest of the evening goes well, Leo is welcomed into the group, and we all agree that we need to get together again soon, just us guys.
As I leave Leo's, I start driving, deep in thought, until I find myself pulling up at Katie's. I sit in the car a few minutes, struggling with whether I should walk up and knock on the door. I know I have only given her a night, but the two occupants in that house own my heart, and I can't stay away from them. Hesitantly, I walk up to the door, hands sweating, I wipe them on my pants. I reach up and knock on the door, anxiety filling me, praying this isn't a mistake. I hear her approaching the door, and I feel like a teenager waiting at the door for his first date. She opens the door, shock registering on her face, but then the most amazing thing happens. She smiles and invites me in. I feel the breath rush back into my lungs, unaware that I have been holding it. I won't push my luck, I won't plan to stay, I will follow her lead. I am just thankful that she didn't send me away, slamming the door in my face. I follow her into the house, she leads me to the living room, where Adrian is sleeping in a baby swing. She indicates with her hand for me to take a seat on the couch and asks if I would like something to drink. I shake my head, taking in the sight of her. Oh, how much I long for her. My body literally vibrates with the need to pull her into my arms. All I can do is watch as she awkwardly takes the seat next to me on the couch. We sit there in silence for what seems like an eternity, when she finally turns toward me. My head is hanging forward, but I turn it in her direction, looking over at her, waiting. I have never been so scared in my damn life.
She takes in a deep breath, the tension between us is unsettling. "How was your day?"
Small talk, really? Fuck. "I have had better days." I give her a weak smile; I am trying not to sound like a total shit right now.
"I made some decisions today." She looks so calm, which has me more than concerned. Is this it? Has she decided that she can't move past what has happened? I feel nauseated.
"Really?" I try to sound as calm as her, although my heart is racing, "What decisions?"
She smiles warmly at me, almost in a reassuring manner, "As you know, I have the new veterinarian at the practice, and I have decided I want to stay at home with Adrian for a while. Owning the place only requires me to come in once a week for payroll and I will be on call to assist with surgeries. They can reach me by phone if they need me. I will still be bringing in money, I just want to take this time to raise our son. When he gets older, I can take on more and once he starts school, I will practice again."
It is my turn to smile, "I think that is a wonderful idea. Is that the only decision?" I know I shouldn't push my luck, but I need to know.
She shifts slightly on the couch, "Avery, I know you did not intend to assault me." I flinch at her statement. "I am more upset over the fact that you were so insensitive over the role play you were partaking in than I am over the fact that you were my assailant." I look down at the floor, my shoulders hunching in defeat. "We do need to talk. We have a son together; one I want us to raise together."
I nod at her, an uneasy feeling falling over me. "Katie, I'm so sorry. There are no words. Telling you that I had been drinking heavily seems like a poor excuse that takes from the seriousness of the situation. I was also a lot looser about my sensitivities because of Vanessa and her reputation. I hate knowing that I was the cause of your pain and suffering."
"I hate that I know nothing about your sexual preferences. You were role playing with the person before me, and I had no idea that you liked that." She looks over at me, with an almost bashful look on her face.
"Katie, I like being with you. We have time to explore sexual preferences, right now all I can think about is making things right with you. Nothing else matters, just you and Adrian." I give her a hopeful look. "I need to know that you forgive me, I need to know that we still have a future."
She moves closer to me and takes my hand, filling me with hope. "There is nothing to forgive. I realize that regardless of how traumatic the assault was, it is what brought us together and what gave me our son. It doesn't matter how fate brought us together, it only matters that it did." She smiles up at me, and I can't stop myself from snatching her up onto my lap, wrapping my arms around her while my mouth claims hers. Relief floods me as she returns my kiss. After making out for several minutes, she pulls away from me, a smile on her face. God, she is beautiful.
"You know, I was thinking about my living arrangements. You had asked me to move in with you, and I was thinking it is more practical if we raised our son together, in the same home. So, if the offer still stands?" As I look over at her, she gives me an innocent smile, nodding her head up and down, tears forming in her eyes. All I can do in pull her into an embrace and hold her. We stay like this until little Adrian begins to stir. I pull her from my lap, setting her back on the couch, as I rise and go over to him. I lift him up from the swing, my heart so full of love that it feels like it will burst. I join Katie on the couch, as I snuggle our son into my arms, inhaling his scent. I know I will have to hand him over for Katie to nurse him, but I am going to enjoy this small window of time with him.