I sat at the centre of my bed, contemplating the choices before me. As much as I enjoyed most aspects of Halloween, picking an outfit was not one of them. Each option whispered in my ear like a curse, telling me how boring I turned out to be. The longer I stared, the more I was convinced that I would die of old age before I came to a decision.
After all, the only reason I was going to this party was that I knew Aiden would be with me. He was waiting for me, and yet, there was a part of me that didn't want to go.
Since the day we all went shopping, Aiden had barely spoken more than a few words to me. Our conversations consisted of hello, how was your day and see you later. I tried talking to him to figure out why he was acting so strange, but he would insist that he was fine; I didn't believe him most of the time. He never answered my questions nor hung out with me other than when he drove me from my apartment to the library and back to the apartment again. He seemed so detached as if he were a stranger or there was a brick wall between us. It was as if all the progress we've made had suddenly been erased and the only thing left was a smudged canvas.
As Friday night had inched closer, everyone seemed to be talking about the Halloween party.
I rubbed my thighs and sighed, knowing that I still had a decision to make. If only picking out an outfit was as easy as other daily habits, I thought.
An embarrassing amount of time later, I finally chose a black dress with a sweetheart neckline and lace sleeves. It was snug at the waist and broader as the skirt extended down my knees. I wasn't exactly sure who or what I was pretending to be, but I was satisfied.
I gathered my things and sat at the table, waiting for Aiden to arrive as he had promised. I didn't think I'd be waiting long. I had learnt over time that he was rarely ever late. Therefore, I waited... I waited... and I waited some more.
The anticipation and dread that previously bubbled to the surface began to fade as disappointment quickly arose and took its place.
I sent him messages, I called, but all led me nowhere. Every time I glanced at the clock on my screen, I felt worse.
"You're not coming...." I muttered to myself.
Eventually, after two hours, I realised I was right. He stood me up.
With no messages from him, I decided that if he wasn't going to show himself, I would try to have a fun night despite his absence. I knew Will was going to be there, so I wouldn't be alone. With that in mind, I jumped into my car and drove to the frat house.
It wasn't long before I arrived. On either side of me, cars filled the streets. I looked out the window, watching people stumble on the lawn with their costumes. I scanned the area and noticed a peculiar man in an even more peculiar costume. He was in a cardboard box, being carried by an inflatable, angry alien. He casually sipped out of his red Solo cup while turning his head to talk to someone beside him.
Standing a few yards away, another man – deep in conversation with a girl opposite him – was dressed as one of those tiny green army soldiers young children play with. He even had the green base glued to his feet. I wondered how he walked.
I stepped out of the warmth of my car and into the cool night. I walked along the pathway up to the large, double story house. The loud music and yelling filled my ears with each step until it was all I could hear.
However, when I stepped inside, it was an entirely different world. It was overwhelming to see so many people crowded in a space that suddenly seemed smaller than it was – even more so when they were dressed as clowns, superheroes, and vampires.
I brushed past many unfamiliar faces. I was shorter than most people, so I quickly found the need to stand on the tips of my toes to find someone I did recognise.
Before I realised, my eyes searched through the mounds of individuals, searching for a familiar face – his face.
From next to me, a loud yell thundered from the clown next to me. I took a deep breath and held it. I had forgotten just how much I despised parties. I missed the intimacy of my small apartment. I missed the peace and quiet, most of all. The blurring beat made it hard to hear anything and, if it was even remotely possible, I could swear it affected my eyesight.
As I continued to make my way through, a tall figure ran into me, knocking my shoulder and my feet off balance. I closed my eyes, thinking I would fall backward, but when I didn't, I slowly looked up to see who had caught me.
"Emma!' Peter yelled over the loud voices in the background. "How are you? You look great!"
It took a second for Peter to let go of his hold on my arm.
"I'm good! And thank you!" I yelled back. "I'm trying to find William!"
"I haven't seen him." He shrugged. "Who did you come as?"
"I have no idea!" I smiled, only then noticing his costume. He was wrapped in a white fabric that reached over one shoulder and exposed the other. He was well built and tanned. A brown belt hugged his torso, keeping the tunic in place. Atop his head sat a gold leaf crown that tangled with the tips of his hair. His mouth quirked up in a smile. "You look great, too!"
"Thanks! I've always wanted to dress up as an ancient Greek!" His breath fanned across my cheek, heavy and smelling of alcohol.
I gave him an enthusiastic thumbs up and laughed, only then noticing his brown leather sandals. He really went all out.
"Do you want to dance?" He asked, sipping from his cup, never taking his eyes off mine.
I shouldn't, I thought.
"No, thanks! I think I might keep searching for my friends!"
I didn't move immediately, trapped under Peter's watchful gaze.
"Are you sure I can't steal you for a dance?" He took a step forward in my direction, so we stood less than an arm's length away. "It'll be quick!"
I must have looked unsure because he asked, "What's stopping you? A boyfriend?" He joked.
Yes.
"No." I took my lower lip between my teeth. Could one dance be so terrible? Aiden wasn't there to dance with me or to keep me company. He had stood me up without the decency of calling. I was tired of being rejected every time I tried to reach out. "Okay, one dance!"
Peter's smile turned into a wide grin as he finished his drink and smacked the cup down on a table nearby. He took my hand and guided us to the centre of the room. People all around us ground on one another, bodies flushed and close. Peter didn't hold me like that. His touch was gentle and loose, careful not to cross whatever line we'd established in previous conversations.
His hand sat at the centre of my back. He tilted his head down and took my other hand in his. He was already sweating. An exciting thrill shot through my spine when he twirled me around in a full circle with speed. All my limbs buzzed to the music, feeling the rush to move. I caught Peter laughing, and more people began closing in on us. Soon, bodies grazed me everywhere. Lights went out, and bright, colourful ones replaced them. Peter was suddenly much closer, his fingers sliding down my waist intimately. There wasn't an inch of space to move freely, but that didn't seem to deter me the way I thought it would.
Peter urged me on and joined the multitude of raised hands, waving them in the air carefree. An exciting howl left his chest, joining the many others that followed. A laugh left my chest as my head fell back, staring at the flashing ceiling. Soon, a thin layer of sweat covered my skin as my breaths became short and the air grew heavier. I closed my eyes momentarily, feeling Peter's cheek against mine. I took a deep breath, my senses overwhelmed by each brief touch that breezed along my skin. Everything was loud in my ears, covering conversations and other sounds I could barely recognise. When I opened my eyes once more, Peter's landed on mine. Suddenly, under his brown gaze, sadness knotted in my stomach. It wasn't Aiden's hand I was holding. It was Peter's. I wasn't dancing with Aiden. I danced with Peter. And the more I thought about that, the more I wanted it to be Aiden instead of Peter. I wanted to see Aiden's dimpled smile and feel his cheek against mine as we danced together to the continuous rhythm. I wanted it to be him.
My breath caught in my throat. It was then that I realised I had stopped dancing.
"Everything okay?" Peter dipped his head down.
"I have to go! Thank you... for the dance." I didn't see his face as I left.
I pushed past everyone and thought, for a single moment, I'd had fun at a party – I felt the rush in my veins as my hands swayed above my head.
I brushed my hair away as it fell across my face. I climbed the stairs of the house, holding onto the stern wooden railing. I walked down the hall, passing couples, and hearing the music slowly drift away behind me.
I pulled open the second door on the right and closed it behind me. I closed my eyes and turned my head into the cold wood, eventually cooling down. When I finally opened my eyes again, they needed a second to adjust to the darkness. The fine outline of a desk and a wardrobe were the first things I noticed. Then, the outline of a bed came into view, messy sheets spread over it.
I realised whose room I had walked into.
Aiden.
I felt a strong tightness in my chest at the thought of finding him here. But, when I looked around, the room was as empty as my head.
Instinctively, I walked over to his bed and crawled onto it. I dropped my head between the pillows, and his smell immediately invaded my senses. The scent of sweet cologne caressed my skin as I buried my head deeper.
I pulled the covers over me, kicking my shoes off. I didn't know why I felt the need to be in his bed, but suddenly it didn't feel like he was so far away anymore. He was right here. And I only wanted a few minutes away from everyone else, where I could close my eyes and not feel someone right behind me.
I hadn't meant to fall asleep.
As soon as my eyes closed, I was thrust into the dark void that awaited me.
It wasn't much later before I was being awoken by a familiar, dark voice. It reminded me of honey and warmth.
"Emma?" The voice called again. Aiden.
A soft, damp touch caressed my temple and grazed my forehead. Seconds passed when a large hand cupped the right side of my face. I leaned into it, enjoying the way warmth emitted onto my skin.
"Emma," He called again. "Emma, open your eyes." At his command, they flew open. It took a few moments, but eventually, I could see without being antagonised by light. My eyes immediately connected with Aiden's intense stare. He was leaning over the bed in an oversized jumper and black dress pants.
What an odd combination, I thought.
I rubbed the heels of my palms against my eyes and sat up against the cushioned headboard. The sheets were tangled between my legs.
"Are you alright?" His voice came out more panicked, and his eyes searched my face as if it held all the answers. "Why are you in my bed? Did something happen?"
"I-"
"Did you drink anything tonight?"
I stared at him blankly. Why was he asking me this?
"Answer me." His tone changed. "Has someone touched you?"
I thought back to Peter. Had he seen me dancing with him earlier? Was he angry with me? Was this why he was insistent on this line of questioning?
My thoughts scrambled.
A strange noise came from Aiden's chest. It was a combination of a huff and a groan. "Did someone touch you?"
What was I supposed to say?
Aiden shifted on the bed. The look in his eyes scared me. He was tense and anxious. Aiden was scared. "Please, answer me, Emma. Did someone lay a hand on you?"
"Peter." I blurted, but it was the truth. I did danced with Peter.
I watched as Aiden's face drained of colour. His fists tightened into stiff white balls on his thighs.
"I am going to stick his head on a fucking pole." He stood up and strode toward the door. I quickly followed, knowing what would happen if I didn't stop him. I knew what Aiden was capable of. I had seen the aftermath of Elijah and caught a glimpse of his anger flare with the janitor.
I latched my fingers onto his arm and yanked him back, stepping in front of the door. He was impossibly tall and strong. I wasn't an obstacle for him, but he didn't fight me, either.
"Please, don't hurt him." I pleaded with him.
Aiden's entire body tensed. "Hurt him?" He shook his head. "I will tear him apart."
"Calm down." My voice came out shaken. "Nothing happened."
"Do not tell me nothing happened." He spoke through clenched teeth. "I saw you with him earlier." His chest heaved. "He placed his filthy hands on you."
So, he had seen me with him.
"Listen to me-"
"How could you let him do that to you?" Sadness barred his words.
"You've barely spoken to me this entire week. You shut me out again. Forgive me for wanting to have fun."
"Have fun?" He almost laughed. "So, you did it willingly?"
"That's usually how it works."
He stared at me, his features only darkening. "No...." He shook his head in disbelief and stepped away from me. "No, no, no, no."
"Aiden-"
"Out of all people, Emma, I never thought it would be you who did this to me again."
Again? My eyes narrowed on him, confused. What did he mean by again? Who was he talking about? It was just a dance... What was happening? Were we even talking about the same thing? My head spiralled out of control with questions.
"Aiden, what are you talking about?"
He remained silent as he stood across the room.
I started to connect the dots from where our conversation began to that point in time. "What do you think happened between Peter and me?"
"You're going to make me say it?" He didn't even look at me. He was disgusted.
Seeing him like this was just as bad as seeing his panic attack.
"Ask me." I repeated more quietly, "Ask me, Aiden."
His gaze met mine. "Did you fuck him?"
My eyes widened. I scrambled for words, any sound I could muster to indicate a clear answer, but I couldn't. I just stared in complete shock.
The defeat written on his face tore out my heart.
Finally, I managed to gather words.
"How could you think I would do that to you?" I asked him. "No, Aiden, I did not fuck Peter. I danced with him. I thought that was what you meant when you asked if someone had touched me. I told you the truth." I saw the doubt lingering inside him. "I know you've been distant recently, and you won't tell me why, but nothing could ever bring me to make such a mistake." I continued, "I'm doing what you asked me to do. I am trusting you. I am trusting that you will tell me your thoughts and feelings when you are ready to do so. But I am not blind, Aiden. I see your insecurities. You don't face them or talk about them, but they are there."
His shoulders caved, and his hands covered his face for a brief moment.
"We need to talk, Aiden. And we won't leave this room until we do."