I went back home. Where the manor was found empty. It felt big for the first time to me. Big and lonely. Because everyone was gone.
All my brothers. My sister, busy at the pack house. My mother was here- but asleep. And, my father. Blessed as he was- found more solitude in the pack borders then he ever felt at home.
I decided I would spend the day packing up my room. I felt desperate for something to do.
I took Brendon's mustang home because I didn't have my own car. I figured he wouldn't mind letting me borrow it. Plus, I really wanted to drive it.
I found my room a little messy from where someone clealy looked through it. Probably to see if there were any clues of my kidnapper. But I wasn't kidnapped here. I was kidnapped in the woods. I smelled the air and a faint scent of Malakai was in the room.
From where he had been in near last of their other scents. I also smelled something foul and rotton. Dead. Like a vampire had come through here.
My mouth began to water.
Hunt. Hunt. Kill. Kill. Eat. Eat. I want.
It was another me wanting to come out to play. I was fighting so hard now.
Remember where I am.
HUNT!
The mere thought stuck my mind.
His taste.
What would he taste like?
Oh~ How Emmett... tasted... delightful.
I gasped as I blurted out a cackle. I grabbed my mouth and clasped it together real hard.
What's wrong with me?
I closed my eyes as I breathed in the smell of the vampire.
I could smell him here and past the stench of death- I felt an intense craving. It was for his blood. All I knew was how well Emmett had tasted when I ate him. Now, I wanted to try this mysterious intruder's taste. I sunk down to the floor and touched it. I could feel my muscles tense as I stopped a transformation from happening.
Drool ran down from the corner of my lips. I was fighting back all urgers. This felt like bees to honey. I wanted to hunt the beast down until I found it and then devour it.
'WHOA~! SNAP OUT OF IT!' Arwen barked. It brought me back from my deep thoughts. I trembled in place as I fought my shifting urges. I felt it coming up suddenly as I fought back the urge to puke. I heaved as I tumbled over- face planting the floor.
'Arwen,' I pleated. 'I don't think I can hold myself back. I feel this desire to hunt-'
I never felt like this before. No- never!
Tears streamed down my cheeks.
I'm going rogue!
'No, no,' Arwen said softly to me to try to make me relax. 'Compose yourself. Think rationally. Even if I allowed you to hunt down that vampire, you would loose his scent at the tree lines.'
'Is this the rogue's curse?' I asked. I felt defeated as I rolled over on my back and looked upwards.
'Hardly. You're just craving vampire blood. That stuff is like heroine. You'll-'
I whimpered as I cut her off.
'Arwen... does the moon goddess hate me?'
'What!? NEVER! What made you think that?'
'I just feel like... because I killed... Emmett... she was now punishing me...'
All I could hear was Emmett's last words again. They were a haunting broken record. What did he say to me again?
The smell of you makes my blood boil.
The last words I spoke to him? I rejecting him? Yes- How could I forget but he did tell me...
Just the thought it gave him angered him. I was nothing but a slut to him in his last moments alive. Not worthy of his affections. Was I ever in his eyes? Worthy... We were supposed to be mates. What did I ever do to him to make him hate me so much before I even realized- he was my destined.
I was the fault behind him loosing his prized position as pack's beta. I made Cole look at him with no love to give. I- I made him loose his wolf to try to protect him- but I made things worse!
And yes! How could I forget my own faults? I rejected him! Then slept with his best friend, Brendon. His cousin! SURE! I was miserable and drunk that night. Intoxicated and selfishly wanting anything to touch me.
I'm the reason.
I'm his reason!
WHY!
Why did I do it?
His own best friend- his own family- his OWN cousin picked me over him. Because I made myself avaible to Alpha Brendon and played my cards right. I'm his luna now. I might have lost his child but he will still try again with me. Loyalty. He's so loyal for me. He wants me.
Maybe even wants me to be Aaliyah for him?
Is this why he's so comfortable with wanting me?
Am I a bad guy?
Maybe I AM a slut.
I trapped Brendon. I made him want me. I made him pick me over Emmett. Was Emmett really in the wrong?
I mean hell. I even got the moon goddess feeling sorry for me? When I'm the one who didn't give Emmett a try. I rejected him without asking for a chance.
We could have at least...
No, Cole really liked him. I couldn't do that to Cole.
Am I still a bad guy though?
How could I be so in the wrong?
I took everything from both of them.
I wouldn't blame Cole if he hates me now.
If he joins Niall.
And, Lamia.
Arwen sighed.
'No my dear. Get up and light some candles. Air out the room and just try to concentrate on packing.'
'And, Donovan's death...'
I wanted to think that somehow... it's my fault. Like, if I had screamed save him when I first got here... Or, If I had been just a bit more aware... I never would have got kidnapped. Mal wouldn't be missing... and Donovan wouldn't have been humuliated in front of the whole pack. If I had only...
'It's not your fault.'
And, what does the moon goddess think of me now? I've ruined so much. This is not what she had in mind when letting me choose my own destiny.
'S-so I'm not in trouble?'
I am in trouble. I'm scared to face her again.
Arwen revealed herself to me as she stood over my body in her spirit form. She leaned in and licked my face.
'Only with yourself. You have to deal with your feelings alone. You need to tell yourself it's not your fault and you're not in trouble. Plus~! Emmett deserved to die anyway.'
'Arwen, he could have been saved... I was just so angry...'
'He was hurting Cole! Remember he only saw you twice but each time treated you like garbage. He's where he needs to be now. It was a good thing you rejected him.'
I thought over what she told me. My cravings were dying and I decided not to move until I could trust myself. I didn't want to loose control. I couldn't go on a wild goose chase through the woods after someone probably miles away by now.
When I was ready, I got back up. I grabbed a lighter and lit some candles in my room. I also opened a window to air out the room.
I left the bedroom door open so I had no barrier between me and the hall. Maybe it was because I was paranoid now... but I didn't want someone to get the surprise on me. I wanted to be prepared for any intruder. Since Fang manor was closer to the vampire territory... I felt on edge being here.
I was about to turn around after opening the door but a sound- struck my ear drums. I could hear quiet footsteps in a room down the hall.
'Arwen?' I alarted. She ran past me and into the hall to go check it out. I was quick to follow her as I tip toed. What the hell? No one should be on this wing... It's just Niall, Calcifer, Innath, and my rooms... And, since three out of four of us aren't even possibly able to be here...
'NIALL!' Arwen alerted me as she howled. I tensed up as she was standing outside of his room.
"Niall?!" I blurted out as I met her there and quickly pushed open his door. It had been slightly open. My heart pounded as I looked in and our eyes met.