Eventually, I stopped talking to other kids, I soon after stopped presenting in group projects, I stopped seeing people like individuals like myself and I saw them as a hoard. They were a murder of crows screaming and yelling at me, judging everything I did, being terrible, hating each other and themselves. It felt sickening for me to see them, I was so scared that it churned my stomach. It went on for days, weeks, months, It wasn't very long but I quickly got pulled from school. My dad knew that I wasn't happy going to school and that I kept complaining to my teachers about feeling sick even though I was fine every time I got home.
I didn't have to worry about my homework for a while but I wasn't getting used to the change in structure. My grades took a pretty bad toll for a few weeks but it wasn't long for me to get them back up. It was much easier to get work done when I didn't have to wait to get my work handed to me, I could just find what was uploaded that day and get all my classes through within a few hours. With all the free time I started reading more and more, I got pretty decent at chess, I talked more with my online friends as I practiced different hobbies. I was pretty happy. I started taking a liking to discussing philosophy while I moved knight to F3 but I noticed a decline in some stuff, mainly my hygiene. It got to a point where my dad sat me down after work one day told me to my face that I need to care a little more even if I don't leave my room or else people are gonna judge me.
I by no means think he understood the impact that comment had on me, and just how much anxiety that gave me, but I took that as a small sign to change so I listened, I went online and looked up some basic exercises to stay healthy at home, I looked up some tips for eating cheaply so my dad didn't have to spend any extra. I showered regularly and my dad got me some skin wash when I was 14 and I used it every time I showered. After I started doing all that I didn't get another word from my dad, I got healthier with some 50 cent ramen and cheap vegetables. I got pretty healthy, I wasn't going to be superman and I definitely wasn't gonna leave but I was happy enough. But my dad wasn't, he never told me if he was sick but he should have. I had a month of being healthy and being with him until one day he didn't wake up. I never saw him complain or struggle or frown, even with him solemnly in bed, he still smiled at me.